


When a Tornado Meets a Volcano

by Undertheblu



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, All of the relationships are unhealthy, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Cheating, Child Abuse, Drug Use, Hospitalization, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, I hate tags, Kid Tony Stark, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Teenage Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has Issues, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 01:51:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 55,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6884080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Undertheblu/pseuds/Undertheblu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve suddenly found himself the guardian of Tony Stark. While Bucky was willing to open their home to him, he wasn’t willing to let Tony ruin their lives. Tony took that as a personal challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Feeling the world shift

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags

Steve blinked, the phone slipping in his hand a little. Bucky looked up when Steve stopped responding to the conversation on the phone. He looked pale and his free hand had formed a fist beside his thigh. Bucky frowned and set down his laptop in anticipation for whatever bad news Steve was hearing.

 “Okay.” Steve nodded, “Thank you for telling me.”

He hung up the phone and sighed a deep heavy sigh. He placed his hands on his hips and closed his eyes. Bucky stood.

 Steve looked up and there were tears in his eyes, “Howard..” Bucky tensed at the name, “..he and Maria, car accident.”

 Bucky frowned in sympathy, he knew what Howard had meant to Steve. Their relationship had ended a long time ago, but they still kept in contact and Steve still had a spot in his heart for him.

Bucky strode over and wrapped his arms around Steve’s big shoulders, “I’m sorry.”

 Steve pulled Bucky close, “Ugh, I’m just so... _sick_ of all my friends dying.”

Bucky squeezed him tighter, “I know.”

  “They were good people. Why is it always the good ones..” Steve buried his face in Bucky’s hair. His head suddenly shot up, “Oh god, their son! He’s going to be all alone.”

 Bucky knew Steve was thinking of his own parents’ death and what a hole it left in his own life.  

 

  The funeral was a day later, put together fast but opulent and full of people. The Starks were a household name and everyone who was anyone knew them. Steve and Bucky stayed toward the back, Steve not wanting to talk to anyone, and Bucky not wanting to be there. Steve lifted his head, suddenly surprised to see Howard’s face. But it wasn’t Howard, it was his teenage son, Tony. Being pulled up to the front, Tony looked sullen, his eyes were red but he didn’t look sad, just sullen. Steve thought of himself when he lost his own parents, he certainly wasn’t that composed.

 He slipped his hand into Bucky’s and squeezed, he was grateful Bucky had been willing to come. He knew he was asking a lot of his current lover to go to the funeral of one of his exes. But Bucky had sworn up and down that he was coming, and Steve was grateful.

  The man giving the eulogy was Obadiah Stane, Howard’s business partner. When the service was over and Bucky and Steve were about to slip out, Obadiah Stane came up to them.

 “Steve Rogers, reunited under unfortunate circumstances.”

Steve nodded, “It’s truly a shame.”

  “This must be James?” Stane said, turning and extending his hand to Bucky.

Bucky nodded and took the handshake begrudgingly.

 “Well, know that if the situation gets too much for you, I’d be happy to take him off your hands, he can be quite difficult at times.”

“Excuse me?” Steve replied, confused.

“Tony,” Stane motioned with one of his hands over his shoulder, “wherever he is.”

Bucky zeroed in on a dark haired individual who was leaning against a tree and smoking.

 “What about Tony?”

Obadiah looked confused for a moment then smiled knowingly, “You haven't been told?”

Bucky was getting annoyed, “Told _what_?”

 “Howard and Maria named Steve Rogers as Tony’s guardian in the case of their death.”

Bucky and Steve exchanged a bewildered look and began to protest.

“Excuse me?” Steve repeated, “Me? Why _me_?”

Obadiah gave a shrug, “Honestly, I don’t know. When was the last time you saw Tony?”

Steve kept glancing at Bucky, who’s face had gone hard, “I mean..”

 “Way before he was old enough to smoke,” Bucky mumbled.

“He smokes?” Steve asked, confused about how Bucky knew that.

Obadiah smirked, “Oh he does a lot more than than just that.”

Bucky looked at the other man and narrowed his eyes, he didn’t like the way he grinned like he had a secret he could hang over them.

  “Tony!” Stane waved him over. Tony glanced around the tree he was leaning against. He rolled his eyes and flicked the cigarette from his fingers. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his slacks and shuffled over, “Do you remember Steve Rogers?”

 Tony didn’t even look up, he just shrugged as he stared at his shoes. His suit was perfect and it fit his body like it had been hand tailored, and probably was. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of sunglasses but his attitude was evident.

“This is his...James was it?”  Bucky frowned, knowing perfectly well that Stane was doing, “These are the two you’re going to live with.”

  Tony raised his gaze and narrowed his eyes behind his sunglasses, “Is that so?” His voice dripping with contempt. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and raised one to his lips. He didn’t look like a teenager, sure he had a small frame, but the way he held himself he looked like a full grown adult.

 “And why exactly,” He paused to light the cigarette, taking his time like he was making a point, “do I need babysitters?”

 Bucky hated him already.

Someone in a suit came up behind Tony and asked to have him speak to the press. Steve frowned, “Excuse me, don’t you think he deserves a little rest right now?”

 The suit frowned in confusion, looking to Stane for confirmation. Even Tony gave Steve a strange look.

“Go ahead,” Obadiah nodded.

Steve reached out and took Tony’s arm, making Tony flinch, and Steve was sorry for that, “Listen, you don’t need to sit for photos if you don’t want to.”

Tony looked him in the eye and there was obvious confusion behind his stare. His expression then changed to the previous look of indifference,  with his other hand he removed the cigarette from his lips and blew a ring of smoke at Steve, “Why are you touching me?”

“Uh..”

Bucky’s chest puffed as Tony yanked his arm away from Steve’s grasp and walked away.

 Stane gave a chuckle and shrug, “You get used to that lovely attitude. With time.”

Steve shook his head, “He just lost both parents. He has a right to an attitude.”

Bucky didn’t like seeing Steve be disrespected, but he had to admit that the kid was obviously going through a hard time.

  Obadiah introduced the couple to the Stark’s lawyer and the process began.

“I don’t understand why Steve wasn’t told about this before now?” Bucky said, crossing his arms as they were ushered into a room so they could all talk in private.

 “Why me?” Steve asked, still confused, “Surely there are people..who at least know him.”

“Obadiah Stane has agreed to take custody of Tony Stark if you relinquish the role,” The lawyer explained, “Howard was very adamant that Mr. Rogers would be the appropriate guardian for his son, should anything happen.”

  Bucky glanced at Steve, seeing the turmoil going on inside him. Bucky didn’t want the responsibility that had just been thrust on them, but he knew Steve wouldn’t walk away from a responsibility.

  Steve frowned and looked at his husband, “Buck..”

Bucky sighed and nodded, “I know.”

  “I won’t do this if you don’t agree.” Steve said, taking Bucky’s hand in his, “This is your life too, I won’t do this to you if you don’t want it.”

Bucky frowned, how could he say no.

 

“This is going to change everything, you know that right?” Bucky asked.

 Steve nodded, his thoughts written on his face.

“What are we going to do about the living situation?”

“What do you mean?” Steve looked up in confusion.

“We’ll have to move or something,” Bucky shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets, “we can’t take that kid from a mansion to our one bathroom apartment!”

Steve frowned, obviously this was something he hadn’t considered, “Well..we can’t just move in there.”

 “It might be best not to move him. He’s already lost his family, we’d be taking everything he has left.”

Steve sighed, uncomfortable with the idea of living in Howard’s house. Bucky was right, this was going to change everything, “Um, maybe we should look at getting a new place..”

 “Ugh,” Bucky rubbed his hand over his eyes, “what should we do with him now? Should we take him home with us tonight?”

 Steve frowned, getting upset with the uncertainty, “I don’t know..”

Bucky took Steve’s hand and gave it a squeeze, “I’m going to run to the bathroom, I’ll be right back, okay?”

Steve nodded, digging his phone from his pocket, “I’m going to call Nat.”

 Bucky walked down the hall, trying not to freak out about how fast their perfect life had just changed. He didn’t want a kid, Steve was very aware that Bucky wasn’t ready. He still had too much to work through in his own head to try and help a teenager with theirs. But he loved Steve too much to say no. And it was true, this kid needed them. So he was willing to try.

 Eventually he found the bathroom. He pushed open the door and saw two figures. He didn’t recognize Tony at first, he had _just_ met the kid. He was leaning over the counter as a taller blonde ran a hand through Tony’s hair.

  At first Bucky thought he was crying, Tony took a long inhale and stood, rubbing his nose. And then Bucky realized what was going on as the blonde leaned over and inhaled the second white line laid out on the sink counter.

  “Mm,” Tony hummed, closing his eyes and leaning against the wall, “I love you, you know that, right?”

“Hey,” The other answered, wiping a finger along the surface to pick up any remaining powder, he then offered it to Tony who took the finger into his mouth, “Johnny knows what cheers you up, Babe.”

 Bucky let the door slam, both jumping at the sound. Tony narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms, “Can we help you.”

  He could feel his world shift for the worse.


	2. Round One

“Bucky, he _just_ lost his parents. It was their funeral, think about what he must be going through.” Steve sighed, scrolling through the house listings, “Honestly, I’m not surprised, he comes from a different world.”

“Sixteen year olds shouldn’t be doing cocaine, even if they are spoiled brats.”

“I think he’s actually seventeen.” Steve corrected, “Come look at this house.”

Bucky sighed and plopped down on the couch next to his husband and looked at the screen, “Looks fine.”

Steve sighed his own sigh, “Look, I know this is going to be rough, but I want to honor Howard’s wishes. And this really kid needs someone right now.”

  “He’s not doing drugs while he’s here.” Bucky grumbled, crossing his arms and leaning against Steve’s shoulder.

“Of course not.” Steve nodded, he suddenly chuckled, “You already sound like a parent.”

“Shut up,” Bucky smirked, leaning in to kiss the other. He sighed dramatically, “I guess we should head out, right? Unless you’ve changed your mind.”

 Steve made a face and closed the laptop, “You’re right, we should get going.”

  They lived in a small apartment, perfect for just the two of them. They had to clean out the small room they had been using as a work out space to make room for Tony. Both knew it wasn’t going to be enough but it’s what they could do at the moment.

  “Should we be looking at places closer to Boston? Closer to his school.” Steve said as they slipped into the car.

Bucky sighed, reaching up and rubbing his shoulder,“Probably.”

Steve glanced over and frowned, “Is the arm okay?”

Bucky nodded, “Just a little achey. You know.”

 The prosthetic arm wasn’t usually a problem, but there were days it hurt to wear. Today was one of those days. The drive was quiet for the most part, neither of them really ready for the parenting role they were about to take on. Bucky’s mouth fell open at the sheer size of the Stark home, it literally was a mansion.

  “Oh my god, this can’t be for real.”

Steve nodded, “Yup. They were always very..lavish.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, there was no doubt in his mind now that this kid was spoiled.

They were greeted at the front door by an older looking man with gray hair, he nodded and ushered them in. Bucky looked around in disgust, he couldn’t believe the posh house. Obadiah Stane came from the next room and shook their hands, “Hello, Gentlemen. Afraid you’re getting him on a bad day.”

  Bucky and Steve both frowned, “I think that’s understandable.” Steve began, “He’s being moved into a new environment with people he barely knows.”

 “If you’d rather, I can always take him off your hands. That offer will always stand.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, he didn’t like the way Stane talked about the teenager like he was an asset that could be traded.

“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” He replied through gritted teeth.

 Steve smiled slightly at the protective voice in Bucky’s tone.

Stane shrugged dismissively, “And you’re sure you won’t live on the estate?”

Steve nodded, “I just couldn’t live in Howard’s home.. And I think it might be better for Tony to leave a place with so many memories.”  

 Stane led them into another room, dark with the curtains pulled over the windows. Tony was curled up on a leather sofa, a bottle of vodka half three-fourths empty resting on the floor next to him.

 “Tony, get up.” Obadiah tapped Tony’s shoulder.

Tony glared up over his shoulder. He rolled himself onto his back, scooping up the bottle and raising it to his lips. He glanced up and realized there were other people in the room. He pulled himself up into a sitting position when Stane tapped his legs for him to move, crossing his legs under him as Obadiah sat down next to him.

  “What are they doing here?”

“They’re here to take you home with them.”

“You were serious?” Tony’s head snapped around.

 “Kiddo,” He raised his hand and placed it on Tony’s shoulder, Tony shaking him off, “your father-”

“Of course,” Tony snarled, standing, and swaying a bit in the process. Steve reached out as if to catch him if he were going to fall, “his last fucking fuck-you-Tony was to drop me in the arms of complete strangers, classic Dad!”

  Stane leaned back, crossing his legs and relaxing against the sofa like this outburst wasn’t even on his radar, “You met them at the funeral.”

 “Well I wasn’t fucking sober was I?”

“And you are now?” Obadiah smiled, “Are you going to remember this tantrum?”

Tony smirked back at him, like a challenge, “Oh, you think **this** is a tantrum?”

“Alright.” Steve said, holding up his hands, “Tensions are high-”

 “Oh my god,” Tony interrupted in an exasperated tone, holding up his on hand, “could you _not_?”

Bucky frowned and stepped forward, “Watch it.”

 “Seriously?! Where did these people come from?!” Tony whirled around, swaying again. Again, Steve instinctively moved forward in case the teenager fell. Tony stepped back, “Get away from me.”

 “Alright, that’s enough,” Steve took Tony’s shoulder and made him sit back down. Stane let out a laugh that made Bucky stare.

 “I said it was a bad day,” Obadiah shrugged, “Tony, if things don’t work out you can always come back and live with me.”

Tony shot him a look and crossed his arms, folding in on himself. Bucky stared at him, his own arms crossed over his chest. He hadn’t noticed the nose ring the first day he met the kid, but now he saw the silver hoop. Just another thing that made the kid look like he’d be trouble.

   “He’s right,” Steve nodded, “we’re not going to force you if that’s not something you want. We realize how difficult the situation is for you, and we know what a change it would be to leave-”

 “I’d have to move?” He asked, frowning, “I couldn’t live here?”

Steve sighed and shook his head, “I’m sorry, but no.”

Tony’s shoulders hunched up and his face got red. Obadiah rubbed the back of Tony’s neck and Bucky noted the way Tony closed his eyes and tightened his lips, “You can always stay here with me, Tony.”

  Tony stood, “Whatever.” He stomped off and Steve caught the tail end of a grumble mentioning “this place was never a home”.

“Do you want help packing?” Steve called after him.

  Bucky half expected the reply to be a “Fuck you”.

Obadiah shrugged and offered out his hand for Steve to shake, "I've got to run, but I want to sit with both of you. We have a lot to discuss. Give me a call if you need anything, I've watched him grow up and I know how to handle his outbursts."  
  Bucky didn't like that the word _outburst_ was used in the plural sense.  


 

 “Are you sure that’s _all_ you want to bring?” Steve asked again. Glancing at Tony’s one duffel bag in the backseat next to the teenager.

“Yup.” Tony repeated, irritation evident in his voice.

Steve sighed and turned back to face the road, ready to drop the subject. Bucky gave him a look and a shrug. He simply couldn’t understand how such a spoiled brat could only have one bag to fit all his worldly possessions in.

 Tony dug into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Before he even got the cigarette to his lips Bucky snapped, “Light that thing in here and I will throw you from the car.”

 Tony looked up, making eye contact with Bucky in the rearview mirror and smiled, “Oh really?”

  “Take it easy,” Steve muttered, giving his husband a look before turning his eyes back to the road.

“You’re not smoking in the house either.”

Tony chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest as he reclined back against his seat, “Whatever you say.”

Bucky didn’t like the way the kid had said it.

 “So, we’re looking at new houses,” Steve said, trying to aim the conversation to include Tony, “we’ve been thinking about moving closer to Boston. So you could be closer to school.”

Tony didn’t respond, he put his sunglasses on and stared out the window. Bucky hated this kid.

 “We might go look at a couple tomorrow, we’d love for you to join us. It’d be your home too, so we’d want your input.”

   Bucky saw the teenager squirm a bit in the backseat, like he wasn’t used to conversation. He had to remind himself that Tony wasn’t going to be comfortable with them on the first day, he still didn’t know these people who were taking him away from his home. But even when they’d left his childhood home he’d acted strange. He didn’t hug Obadiah, he didn’t look back fondly or even sadly, he just threw the duffel bag over his shoulder and said, “I’m ready.”

 He’d seemed to sober up pretty fast, he’d been yelling but once he came back with the bag he was quite silent. Steve had offered to carry the bag but Tony had just walked past him.

 When they got to the apartment, Bucky heard that same sigh he’d now come to associate with Tony’s attitude. He looked over his shoulder and saw Tony’s face, he looked annoyed but there was also a hint of worry.

 “It’s small,” Steve said, “but we were able to clear a room for you.”

“How gracious,” Tony mumbled as he looked around.

Bucky shook his head and walked away, he didn’t want to anger Steve by snapping at the kid but he couldn’t listen to the brat complain about their home.

 “Hey,” Steve said softly, touching Tony’s arm and watching him flinch, “I know this must be really hard for you.”

“Being sober is hard, this is..an annoyance.” Tony sighed, more to himself than to Steve, “So which room?”

 Steve led him down the hall to what used to be his exercise room. He could only imagine the cell Tony saw when he looked into the empty space with only a bed and a desk.

“We really didn’t have a lot of notice, and we didn’t know how you’d want things.” Steve offered as an explanation.

 “Mhm.” Tony nodded, dropping his bag on the floor. He dug into his jeans pocket as he walked over toward the bed, he sat down and raised a cigarette to his lips. Steve didn’t say anything as Tony cupped his hands to light the end and took a deep inhale. Tony looked up at him for the first time, raising an eyebrow as if daring Steve to speak. When he didn’t Tony offered the pack to him, the most pleasant gesture he’d seen from the teenager since he’d met him.

  Steve shook his head, “No thanks.”

Tony looked Steve up and down and then studied his face for a long time, dragging on his cigarette like he were drinking water. It was striking how much Tony looked like his father, the same piercing eyes that saw right through you. Howard always looked at Steve like he knew exactly what he was thinking, Tony almost had the same power in his eyes, but more curious than ominous.

  “Why did you agree to take me?” He asked as Steve walked over to the window and opened it.

“Because your father wanted me to.” Steve answered honestly. He looked back at Tony, who now had a strange look on his face, like he hadn’t approved of Steve’s reply.

 Tony stood and walked over to the window where Steve stood, he got really close and tapped the end of his cigarette outside.

“What was the last thing he said to you?” Tony asked, replacing the cigarette to his lips.

Steve realized he had been staring at Tony’s mouth when he answered, “Uh, um, I think he told me we needed to see more of each other.”

  Tony smirked and glanced out the window, “He told me he didn’t care if I overdosed as long as I did it out of the public eye.”

Steve’s head snapped around, “What?” He knew Howard could be harsh, he remembered that trait well, but he couldn’t imagine him saying something like that.

Tony shrugged, surprisingly blowing his smoke _out_ the window, “One of our usual family chats.”

Steve frowned, “Well, that’s pretty terrible.”

Tony shrugged again, “At least it was honest.”

Steve sighed at the nonchalant way Tony spoke about it, “I don’t approve of the drug use, but, if you ever need to be picked up or need help in any way, you can call me no questions asked.”

 Tony barked out a laugh, “Oh my god, that was adorable.”

Steve sighed but cracked a smile as well, “I’m serious.”

“I know,” Tony cackled, tossing his used cigarette out the window, “that’s why it’s so funny! You’re being _so_ sincere!”

 Steve rolled his eyes and crossed his arms defensively, “Look I’m trying here.”

Tony faked a serious face and nodded, “And so well. You’re right out of an after school special.”

  
  


“What do you usually eat, Tony?” Steve asked as he looked through the fridge.

  “Coffee,” Tony answered honestly, fingers clicking away at his phone. He’d been dragged out into the kitchen so they could all get to know each other better and he’d grumbled all the way. They’d left him alone for hours, in which they assumed he’d been asleep because he’d been so quiet in his room.

  “Real food.”

 Bucky looked at Steve pointedly, “Coming from protein powder over there?”

Tony looked up with a foxy grin as Steve protested, “I eat real food.”

“In a blender,” Bucky mumbled with a smirk.

“Let’s just go out, then.” Steve scowled, “Tony, what would you like.”

 “I don’t need food,” Tony shook his head.

Steve frowned sympathetically, “Tony, you need to eat.”

Tony looked up and shoved his hands in the pockets of jeans, making himself look small, “I really just want to be alone. Can I just stay here?”

Steve sighed and nodded but Bucky recognized the look for what it was, he was playing Steve.

 “How about I go get the food and you stay with him?” Bucky said, turning to his husband.

“But-”

  Bucky shook his head, “I don’t want him here alone.”

Tony narrowed his eyes, “You can say what you mean, you don’t trust me.”

 “No I don’t.” Bucky replied, returning his gaze.

“Stop it,” Steve muttered, “I’ll stay with him if you think it’s that big of a deal.”

Tony scowled and turned on his heel back to his room.

Steve turned to face Bucky, placing his hands on his hips, “Nice.”

“What?”

“You can’t talk to him like that,” Steve sighed.

“You can’t let him _manipulate_ you like that.” Bucky retorted, crossing his arms.

 “Buck, it’s still new to him, he’s probably feeling really overwhelmed having us hover liek this.”

Bucky shook his head, “He’s trouble and you know it.”

 “Maybe, but I don’t think your attitude is helping.”

“ _My_ attitude..” He scoffed.   
“Hey,” Steve reached out and pulled Bucky into his arms, “I know this is rough, and I know you didn’t ask for any of it. But I appreciate everything you’re doing. If it gets to be too much-”

 “Oh my god, _Steve_ , I’m not going to leave you.” Bucky said, trying to wriggle out of Steve’s tight grip to look up at him.

“I love you so much,” Steve squeezed tighter, kissing the top of Bucky’s head.

“I love you too, Meathead.”

    They did end up going out, leaving Tony behind with instructions to keep the door locked and not go anywhere. Steve had a nice time but Bucky kept thinking about what they might be coming home to.

 “Would you relax?” Steve said, grabbing Bucky’s hand, his other hand on the wheel, “He’ll be fine.”

 “I’m more worried about the house.” Bucky grumbled. When they got their block, Bucky saw a blonde who looked vaguely familiar walking down the street. He sighed, thinking about how he was going to miss this apartment of theirs. It wasn’t big or even very nice, but it had become theirs.

 When they got to the door, Bucky let out an angry huff. The door was unlocked, “What did I say?”

“He probably did it out of spite.”

 He suddenly remembered why the blonde on the street looked familiar, it was that same kid he had seen Tony getting high with. His skin grew hot at the anger. He hated being a parent and it had only been the first ten hours. The smell of smoke was obvious when they opened the door, this was something Bucky was not willing to get used to.

 “Tony.” Bucky called, rapping his good arm on Tony’s door, “Can we see you?”

Tony opened the door and Bucky was greeted by the smell of marijuana, “What?”

 “Why was the door unlocked?”

Tony shrugged, eyes red and blurry, “I don’t know, maybe you forgot when you were telling me what to do.”

“We told you not to go anywhere.”

“And I didn’t.” Tony replied, holding up a finger.

Bucky narrowed his eyes, “We have rules here, and you’re going to follow them.”

Tony’s own eyes suddenly looked very focused, “Yeah, that speech always works well on me. Want me to recite it back to you?”

  Steve stepped in between them before Tony could say anything else to rile Bucky up, “Alright, everybody calm down. Tony, was someone else here?”

 Tony looked up at Steve sheepishly, his bottom lip jutting out into a pout, “I got lonely. It was just Johnny.”

 Bucky glared at Steve at the confession but Steve continued, “We need to know before someone comes over, okay? We can’t just have anyone over, do you understand?”

Tony nodded, a small smile creeping onto his lips that made Bucky’s blood boil. Steve looked back at him like they had just had some sort of small victory.

  


 Steve had never been a good sleeper, he’d suffered from insomnia for years. When Bucky was removed from duty, he came home with a similar inability to sleep. When he was able to sleep, the tiniest noise would wake him. So when Steve was up for the night he generally left their bedroom to keep from waking the other. He eased out of the room, gently closing the door and then ambled down the hall.

 He glanced in the direction of Tony’s room, the door shut and the light off. That was a small comfort, that Tony was able to get some sleep. He filled the kettle with some water and started the stove, thinking he’d make some tea. He only turned on a small light, enough to see by but not enough to slip under any doors. He picked up his laptop, thinking he’d look at house listings again. He sat at the table, pulling up one of his legs under him. He glanced over at the stove, knowing a watched kettle wouldn’t boil any faster. He then turned his gaze toward the window, the city outside still bright.

 A small movement caught his eye and made him jump, suddenly very alert. But it wasn’t an intruder, it was Tony sitting out on the fire escape. Steve sighed, his eyebrows furrowing as he stood. He opened the window and poked his head out, “Hey.” He hissed.

  Tony flinched and turned away, rubbing his eyes with the hand that wasn’t holding a joint. Steve frowned, sympathetically. He slid through the window, having to shimmy to get his big shoulders through smoothly.

  “I’m fine.” Tony mumbled as Steve sat next to him.

“Sure.” Steve nodded, taking the joint from Tony’s fingers and placing it to his own lips for a short drag. Tony’s eyes widened but the he chuckled. He smiled as Steve handed it back, “Couldn’t sleep?”

 “Not at night,” Tony shook his head, using his free hand to tap at his forehead, the sweatshirt he was wearing was way too big and the sleeves hung loose, “Too much going on.”

Steve nodded, while Tony replaced the joint to his lips and took a deep inhale, “Thanks for doing it outside.”

“Coincidence.” Tony muttered.

“Mhm,” Steve smiled.

Tony stared down at the cars passing by, his eyes glazing over, “You were with my Dad, right?”

 That threw Steve, he didn’t know Tony knew about their history, “Uh, what-”

“How old were you?” He asked, turning his head and focusing his attention on Steve’s face. That same stare Howard used to lock him with.

 “Young.” He answered, locking his fingers together.

Tony studied him, tilting his head as he watched Steve’s small movements, “Before the army?”

“Mhm.” Steve nodded, trying to remember when he had mentioned the army around the teenager. He glanced back at Tony, his eyes staring right through Steve’s.

“You look a lot like him.” He said softly.

Obviously that was the wrong thing to say, Tony’s face scrunched up into a scowl and he turned away, “Of _course_ I do.” He hissed, flicking the end of the joint out into the night. He stood so Steve grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down.

 “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I’m **not** him, okay?” Tony snapped, the attitude throwing Steve off, “So don’t expect that.”

“Hey, don’t assume I’m making assumptions.” Steve retorted, “It’s obvious you’re a different person.”

Tony scoffed, “Could you tell everyone else in the world. Any time I do anything, it gets chalked up to Howard Stark’s DNA.”

 Steve frowned, seeing the father-son relationship still torturing Tony even after his father was dead. He wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulder and pulled him closer. They both jumped at a screeching sound from inside. The kettle was screaming in the kitchen. Steve stood in time to see Bucky stomping in, he grabbed the full kettle and threw it in the sink. Steve sighed, knowing no one was going to sleep tonight.

 “Jesus.” Tony mumbled, arms wrapped around himself in what could only be described as a defensive position. The posture made Steve's heart sink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me hear your thoughts, kittens.


	3. Playing House

“A nice big back yard,” The realtor continued the list of reasons why they should pick this house with her big toothy grin, “Plenty of room to run around.”

 “I’m not a puppy,” Tony mumbled, “I don’t need room to run around.

“Well maybe I do,” Steve smiled, nudging Tony with his shoulder.

“The basement is spacious and would make a wonderful home gym.” She nodded, catching their conversation. That  _ did  _ interest Steve, both he and Bucky really did need the space to exercise. 

“Three bedrooms, two bathrooms.” The woman continued, leading them through the house, “also an indoor pool, the previous owners were very health conscious and did a lot of exercising.”

 Steve nodded, “Good to know.”

Bucky dragged behind, really not interested in the outing. Steve glanced back at him, reminding himself to tell his husband how similar he looked to the sullen teenager in their care.

 “Do you like swimming?” Steve asked.

“Stop trying so hard,” Tony replied, thumbs clicking away on the screen of his phone.

Bucky looked up at that and gave Tony a small rap on the back of his head, “Watch it.”

Tony shot him a glare and then went back to ignoring them for his phone. Tony had been doing that all day. Each house they went to he just shrugged at. 

  Steve stayed dutifully with the realtor as she explained the details of the house while Bucky wandered down the halls, poking his head into each room to examine it. He actually liked this house the best so far. It did seem to have more room than the others and it really wasn’t a terrible price. There was one room with lots of windows, he supposed the realtor woman would call it a sunroom. He thought that might be a good place for Steve to draw in, the thought made him smile. 

  “Well?” Steve asked when Bucky found them again, he heard the hopeful tone in Steve’s voice and nodded.

“I like it. You?”

“I like it too,” Steve nodded, trying not to smile, trying not to be too eager. Bucky had always known Steve would prefer a larger place, having grown up in a small apartment most of his life. 

 “Hey,” He turned to Tony, who was leaning against a wall, “thoughts?”

Tony looked up from his phone, “Let’s be realistic, I’m not going to be staying with you very long. I’m going to be at school twenty-four seven in the fall and then I’ll be eighteen. I don’t feel like I should be part of the decision making process.”

  Steve sighed and Bucky frowned, “So you want to stay in the closet you’re in now?” Bucky asked, crossing his arms. Tony shrugged and Bucky nodded, “Yeah, I didn’t think so, I think this place will be fine.”

  
  
  


 Bucky heard talking as he passed by Tony’s room and quickly realized he was on the phone.

“I don’t know,” Tony replied, taking a sip from his glass as he cradled the phone against his shoulder, “it won’t last. These two think they’re getting a toddler.”

“Just come live with me,” Johnny said on the other end. 

Tony smiled to himself, “Eventually. I’m going crazy here, I miss my car and my tools-”

“Why didn’t you bring any of it with you?” 

“You saw the place, there’s no room.” 

 “Are you going to bring the stuff when you move?” 

“God, I can’t believe they want to move.” Tony rolled his eyes, lifting the gin back to his lips, “I don’t get why they’re trying to place house.” 

 “Probably out of sympathy.”

“Mm,” Tony scowled, “I wish they didn’t..”

On the other end, Johnny laughed, “Yeah you never did handle kindness well.” 

 “Foreign food,” Tony mumbled. He looked up when Bucky knocked on the door and poked in his head, “What?”

Bucky frowned immediately from the attitude he had been addressed with, “We’re going to leave soon.” 

 Tony glared back at him, raising his glass of gin to take a drink before answering, “I’m busy.”

Bucky took a deep breath before he answered, “Lose the alcohol, be ready in half an hour.”

 “Was that our friend?” 

Tony snorted before downing the rest of his drink, “ _ No _ .” 

  Tony did get off the phone call relatively quickly after his encounter with Bucky and then meandered into the kitchen. He was surprised to find a stranger sitting between them.

“Tony,” Steve smiled when he appeared, “this is Sam, he’s a good friend.”

Tony crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame, “I thought we were going somewhere. You two are fond of these  _ family  _ outings.” 

 Sam snorted and turned his eyes down. He knew Bucky well enough to know how well this kid must be going over with him.

“We’re going to move stuff and we’re going to stop at your..parents place, for the rest of your stuff.” Steve said, halting midway, unsure how to word it.

Tony’s lip tightened and he nodded, he couldn’t lie that there were things he wanted to get there but he didn’t want to go to the house. 

“Sam’s gonna help us with the lifting and such.” Bucky said, expecting a smartass remark about their muscles.

Tony nodded again, no longer listening. 

  
  
  
  


“Jesus Christ.” Sam muttered as they drove onto the Stark land.

“Mhm.” Bucky nodded, exchanging a look with the other.

Steve glanced back at Tony in the backseat, his designer sunglasses covering his face again. He wondered if it was a bad idea to bring Tony, he could have just made a list of things he wanted. But Tony got out of the car without any hesitation. Once inside the big house, they all waited for Tony to make the first real move.

 Tony crossed his arms and just looked around, most of the furniture now covered in sheets. He started forward, moving toward the stairs.

“Tony,” Steve said, “what do you want us to do?”

 Tony didn’t halt as he muttered, “Burn the place.”

“With him still in it,” Bucky mumbled, turning away. 

 Steve shot him a glare, “Would you  _ stop _ ?”

  “Give me a break.” Bucky sighed.

“Would you give  _ me _ a break? I’ve already got one brat to raise, I don’t need two.”

Bucky shot daggers right back at Steve.

Upstairs Tony opened the door to his old bedroom, a room he spent very little time in. He looked around like he hadn’t been there in years. The day he’d moved in with Bucky and Steve he hadn’t grabbed much because he thought they might look through his bag, and he hadn’t been very sober. 

 This time, he went to all his hiding places and grabbed the valuables hidden there. His new foster parents had been watching him too closely in their attempt at good parenting that he didn’t think he’d be able to bring drugs in the house as easily as he could with his real parents. He packed up some clothes and some books, even a couple records, but he left a lot and didn’t plan on looking back at it.

  When he came back down with only two bags, Steve frowned, “Tony, that can’t be it.”

“Think the three of you can handle the weight?” Tony mumbled as he dropped the bags in front of them. He continued walking right past them and Steve followed with a sigh. Tony pushed open a door that led to a very large garage. He saw Tony’s features change. He dug out his cellphone with a scowl. 

  Speed dialing Obadiah, Tony snapped, “Where are the cars?” 

Steve tried to act like he wasn’t listening but Tony’s cell was on speakerphone so it was hard not to hear, “I moved them.”

 “Even the Chevelle? Why?” Tony demanded, hand on his hip.

“Because expensive cars shouldn’t be left alone.” 

Tony made an angry noise, making eye contact with Steve for a moment, “You didn’t think I might want my car?” 

 “Oh, please. It wouldn’t last a night in that neighborhood.” 

“They’re moving us, I want my car.” 

 “Where to?” Stane asked, now sounding a little annoyed.

“Near MIT,” Tony answered shortly, “I’ll come get it, or have Johnny come get it.” 

  He then handed the phone to Steve and walked away.

“Uh, uh hi, this is Steve..Rogers.” 

“Oh, hello.” Obadiah replied, thrown by the sudden change. Steve watched Tony walk around the garage, grabbing different tools and throwing them into one toolbox. 

“We’re here grabbing his stuff.” 

 “He said you’re moving? That was fast.”

“Well,” Steve continued, “we wanted to- uh, we wanted to make him comfortable.” 

 The way Tony would throw things kept distracting him from the conversation. 

“Where-”

“Sorry I’ve got to run.” He hung up the phone and walked over to Tony, “What are you doing?”

“Trying to find something.” Tony answered, almost shoving himself inside a cabinet. When he couldn’t find what he was looking for he deflated. He looked up at Steve and then retrieved his phone from Steve’s hand. 

  “Are you okay?”

Tony’s lips tightened a little, “You ask that a lot.”

 “You-”

  They both blinked when they heard a yell. They both turned toward the door and in poked a blonde head, beaming like a child.   
“There you are,” Johnny grinned.

It was the first time Steve had seen Tony genuinely smile. Johnny rushed over and scooped Tony up into a hug. 

 “Ugh, I missed you.” Johnny gushed, kissing the side of Tony’s head. Looking over toward Steve he said, “I’ll hug you in a second.”

 “Put me down,” Tony huffed as Johnny lifted him off the floor.

“Never.” Johnny answered, shaking his head and in turn shaking Tony, “Never letting you go again.”

 “You’re dramatic.” Tony mumbled as Johnny lifted him over his shoulder, “This is Johnny.”

Johnny swiveled around and held out a hand for Steve to shake, “I’m the love of Tony’s life.”

“You are not.” Tony chimed as Johnny heaved him up higher, almost into a fireman’s carry, “Put me down.”

 “Nope, this is how we live now.” 

Johnny has a ball of energy, seeming to have so much he could breathe the life back into Tony. Tony smiled so much when Johnny was around and he practically ignored everyone else.

 “Of course I can get the car,” Johnny scoffed, “Sneaky or front door?”

“Whatever works.”

Bucky gave Steve a look. On the way to the new house Tony drove with Johnny and Sam was happy to speak freely.

“You two won’t last a month. Unless you plan on using Nat as a babysitter.”

“He’s not that bad,” Steve said, not believing his own words.

Bucky gave Steve the look that had meant he thought Steve was being an idiot, a look he’d seen a lot more since Tony had arrived.

“He’s going to eat you two alive.” Sam chuckled.

  
  


 

Tony didn’t show up for hours, which really wasn’t that surprising to them anymore.

“How domestic.” Johnny snickered, parking the car in the driveway “You’ll fit right in.”

“Shut up.” 

Johnny leaned across and kissed Tony’s cheek, “Maybe it won’t be so bad.” 

“Optimist,” Tony hissed like an insult. He turned his head and grabbed the back of Johnny’s head, pulling him into a real kiss.

Johnny purred, melting against Tony, “Mm, just come live with me.”

 “You’d overdose on me,” Tony smirked. He waited for the obvious “what a way to go” response but it never came. He frowned at the other, “Are you being considerate?”

“What?”

“Don’t be gentle!” Tony said, now visibly annoyed, “You’re here to be real with me, not walk on eggshells.” 

“I’m not walking on eggshells with you.”

“Yes you are,” He didn’t know why he was yelling at his friend, but he couldn’t stop now, “you’re acting just like everyone else, afraid I might fucking break-” 

“Hey!” Johnny snapped, “ **I** am  _ not _ your enemy here, quit projecting your shit. I know you’re scar-”

 “Fuck you, I’m scared!” 

“ _ Yeah _ ! You  _ are  _ scared, you’re scared of these people and you’re scared of what will happen if they drop you and you’re  _ still _ scared of letting me take care of you.”

 “Oh my god! I’m not doing this with you again!” Tony cried. He slapped Johnny away and shoved open the door, “Talk about fucking projecting! Stop projecting  _ your _ shit and let me fucking repress mine!” 

“Tony!”

“I’m gonna go project at someone else now, you can leave.” Tony spat as he slammed the door behind him. 

 Inside the new house, people were turning the place into a home. Tony slumped against the door, hearing the laughter and not wanting to go anywhere near it. He tried to slip by unnoticed but it didn’t work.

 “Hey! You seriously think it’s okay just to disappear on us?” Bucky called out.

“Tony, come here.” Steve yelled over the music they were playing.

 “I’m really not in the mood.” Tony shook his head.

A redheaded woman with intense eyebrows was sitting next to Steve while the one called Sam was still digging through a box. 

 “Tony, please come meet Natasha.”

Tony closed his eyes and pursed his lips, remembering when his parents would demand he meet their friends. He stomped in, arms crossed and let himself be introduced. After, Bucky pulled him into the hall and began the bad cop routine he’d gotten so good at. 

 “You can’t just run off, we need communication.” 

Tony rolled his eyes and let out the most exaggerated sigh, “Whatever.”

“No, not whatever, I need to you take it serious. You freaked Steve out, he was worried.” 

“My apologies. Can I leave now?” Tony nodded, rubbing his eyes. 

  Steve poked his head around the corner, “Hey, everything okay?”

“Oh my god this is turning into therapy.” Tony mumbled, turning to leave.

 “Hey, we’re going to talk about this.”

Tony whirled around, “No, actually we’re not. You’re gonna find out real fast, I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yet, I don’t do  **this** .” He gestured with his hands between the three of them, “I didn’t do it with my parents, I’m sure as hell not doing it with the two of you!”

 “Hey, take it easy.” Steve frowned, walking forward, ready to jump in between them if he had to.

“You two play house, but I’m not interested. I’ll come and go as I like and you can shove your rules.”

“Jesus, you’re suppose to be some genius but you really do act your age.” Bucky shook his head, “Maybe those drugs are stunting your maturity.” 

Tony sneered right back at him, “At least the drugs  **I** take are recreational. What are all yours for?”

Bucky’s face changed and Steve did step between them, “Enough.” 

“No no, you want us to get to know each other,” Tony now had an evil grin on his face as he leaned around Steve to get at Bucky, “what’s going on in that head that requires so many prescriptions, Buck?” 

 “Remove him,” Bucky growled low and Steve all but picked Tony up and thrust him into the next room. 

“Ow!”

“You can’t do this,” Steve hissed, slamming the door behind them, “you  _ cannot _ antagonize him.”

“Why not?” Tony challenged, crossing his arms. 

“Because he doesn’t deserve it for one.” Steve replied, his tone harsher, “You two may not get along, but you don’t need to make it worse.” 

Tony frowned and averted his eyes, suddenly feeling shame under Steve’s gaze. His skin felt hot and it made him want to lash out all the more. He turned and looked over the room that was suppose to be his. 

 “I really want you to be with us, Tony. But I need you to start trying.” Steve said, his tone much more gentle as he reached out and touched Tony’s shoulder, “If..if you’d rather go live with Stane-”

“No.” Tony interrupted, shaking Steve’s hand off, “I’d rather live with two strangers.”

Steve was about to ask him to elaborate but for some reason he didn’t.

 

 

 

 “That fucking kid.” Bucky huffed, shrugging off his prosthetic arm and itching his shoulder.

“What he said was wrong.” Steve nodded, brushing his teeth. 

 “I’m not doing this every night, Steve,” Bucky shook his head. With the one hand he started taking out the assorted pills for the night. Steve glanced over without being obvious, every once in awhile he still worried about whether or not Bucky always took them all like he said he did.

 “I can’t, I just can’t if it’s going to be like this.”

“I’ll talk to him again.”

“Lot of good it does.” He mumbled before swallowing,  “I’m serious, I’m not doing this if he’s going to be like that.” 

 Steve took Bucky’s face in his hands and pulled him close for a kiss, “I’ll talk to him.” 

He let his hands slid down Bucky’s neck to his shoulders, he felt Bucky wriggle under him. Bucky still didn’t like when Steve touched his bad arm but Steve wanted to show him that it wasn’t something he should be afraid of or ashamed of. 

 “I’m tired.” Bucky said as he slipped out of Steve’s grasp and heading toward the bedroom. Steve sighed to himself and ran a hand through his hair. He let Bucky go to bed and he went back into the hall, the house still feeling empty even though they had moved almost everything in. 

  He heard music coming from Tony’s room, but not the sort of obnoxious music he’d expect. It sounded like Ella Fitzgerald. He walked over and listened for a moment, then knocked gently on the door. The room was dark, Tony sitting on the bed, holding a bottle of white wine, looking tired.

“Hey, everything okay?” Steve asked, voice almost a whisper.

Tony’s fingers had been at his lips, his eyes flickered up and it seemed to take him a moment to realize who was speaking to him. Steve walked in, recognizing the song to be ‘The Nearness of You’. He sat on the bed and took the bottle, “You do a lot of drinking, don’t you? Wine? Really?” 

  Tony shrugged, tucking his legs under him, “Mom liked the stuff.” 

Suddenly the song made sense. 

“Barbies too.” Tony nodded.

“Hm?”

 “ Barbiturates, babe.” Tony enunciated the word. 

Steve sighed, “You take those too?” 

The teenager shrugged again, “Sometimes.”

“Ever think you might have a drug problem?” 

 Tony smiled, “It’s crossed my mind before. Don’t worry, I’ll stay out of your bathroom cabinet. I’ve got my own.” 

Steve reached out and touched Tony’s hand, “If you-”

 “Ugh, please don’t.” Tony sighed, “I really don’t need you to parent me. I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” Steve replied, “You don’t act fine. And that’s appropriate you’re grieving, but if this is a common thing, maybe it’s something we should address. I want you to be healthy.”

Tony rolled his eyes, but didn’t shrink away, “I’m not going to break.”

“Not on my watch,” Steve nodded.

 Tony’s lip curled into a small frown, “Why do you care?”

He said it like Steve confused him with his concern, “Because you’re family now. You’re one of my people now. I take care of my people.” 

Tony really did look confused, “You don’t even  _ know  _ me.”

“I’m really trying to,” He chuckled, “It’d be a lot easier if you’d stop pushing back.” 

 Tony sighed, his lips forming an unconscious pout. Steve was starting to connect the dots with this kid, he wasn’t used to concern or affection. And Steve found that puzzling, of course he remembered how intense Howard could be but he remembered Howard’s affection. Didn’t his son receive any of it?

 As if Tony read his mind he asked, “You were with my father, right? Like a couple?”

Steve retracted his hand, taken aback, “Um, yes. I didn’t know you knew that.”

 Tony nodded, looking out the window, “Yeah. I knew. He had a photo of you two. Never used to keep a lot of photos around, one of Mom and one of you.”

Steve sucked in his breath, “Yeah?”

  Tony nodded again, “Mhm.” He looked at Steve’s face and smiled, “No photos of me.”

“I don’t believe that.” Steve replied, giving Tony a look.

Tony’s smile grew, the exact same mocking grin Howard used to have, “No? Face it, Steve, you and I obviously knew two different Howard Starks.”

  
  
  



	4. Crazy About Classic Cars

 

  Steve really wasn’t looking forward to his lunch with Obadiah Stane, but he’d agreed to it. Bucky had a doctor’s appointment so Steve was going alone. While he wasn’t looking forward to their meeting, he was curious. He wanted to know why Tony was so opposed to living with this long time family friend. Stane greeted him like he’d known Steve all his life, pulling him into a businessman's hug. 

 “I’m so glad we could make time for this.”

Steve nodded in agreement. They sat at a table and Stane promptly ordered drinks for the both of them. 

“So how’s the boy been? Hasn’t set the new place on fire yet, hm?”

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed, “No actually, he’s been doing a lot better, considering things.” 

 Stane gave him a smirk like he didn’t believe it, “I’ve watched him grow, been like an uncle to that kid. He’s always been trouble, always breaking things.”

 “I get the impression he and  Howard didn’t exactly get along.” Steve said, trying to steer the conversation. 

Obadiah laughed out loud, “God no, they were always at each other’s throats. Too similar and too different to be able to stand each other.”

 Steve frowned, he hated the idea, “That’s terrible.” 

Obadiah gave a little shrug, thanking the waitress when she returned with their drinks, “Well, Howard liked structure, you remember that,” He said with a knowing smile, “and Tony’s..he’s just a walking tornado. The past year was rough for them. Tony’s going to be graduating soon and instead of getting ready to work alongside his father, he overdosed on heroin.” 

 Steve sucked in his breath, “How long ago was that?” 

“Almost a year now, have you caught him with it yet?” 

 Steve shook his head, “Not heroin..”

Stane nodded, “He’s into a lot, what have you caught him with?”

 “Uh, pot, alcohol-”

“Alcohol is like water to them, just like Howard that way.”

“And cocaine, once.” Steve said, almost not wanting to admit it. The judgemental tone in Stane’s voice felt personal somehow, “But that was at the funeral. Everything else..he just seems too lucid to be on anything hard right now.”

“You’d be surprised. Don’t let him fool you, Rogers. He’s an idiot with this stuff but he’s really good at it. The kid’s a pathological liar, you can’t trust him for a moment.”

Steve’s frown grew, “He’s just a kid.”

  “Come on, you’ve spoken to him. He’s graduating from MIT in the spring, he’s not a normal kid. Everything he does is calculated.” He shook his head and leaned forward, “Don’t be surprised when he goes missing for days.”

 “You sound pretty callous about it,” Steve replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Listen, when you’ve watched enough bridges burn, you’ll say the same thing.  Look, I  _ know  _ he’s charming, he’s a great little manipulator.  He’ll play the victim and then frame you for whatever he did.You can’t get sucked into it. If he get’s to bad, call me. I know how to handle him.”

“Yeah, really sounds like it.” Steve grunted. He was just about to stand, ready to end this conversation when Tony walked over. He’d begrudgingly agreed to come along but had said he wouldn’t be on time. 

 “Tony, my boy.” Stane said, standing and embracing him. Tony looked like an angry cat, arms rigid by  his sides, “How are you? Have you been eating?”

 “No.”

Stane laughed, “Sit. I was just about to tell Steve about the gala we’re going to be putting on at Stark Industries next week. In your parents memory of course.”

Tony narrowed his eyes as he sat next to Steve on the other side of the table, “It hasn’t even been a month. That’s a bit soon for a gala.”

 “Tony, people want to show their respect and they want to see how you’re doing.”

Steve sat up, “Wait, Tony would be expected to be there? It’s still early-”

 “That’s how it goes.” Tony mumbled, scowling now, “When is it?”

“Tuesday.” 

“Okay,” Tony sighed, crossing his arms.

Stane turned his gaze to Steve, “You aren’t expected, we just need Tony to make an appearance.”

“What exactly will happen there?”

“I smile sadly for pictures,” Tony grumbled, giving Steve a pointed look, “And get very very drunk.”

 “Show up sober, would you?” Obadiah said, frowning at the teenager, “You talk too much when you’re drunk.”

 “You’re making a lot of demands here, Obie.” Tony replied, “You do  _ want  _ me to show up, right?”

“I’ll come with him.”

“Oh that sounds fun.” Tony smirked at the same time Obadiah shook his head.

“You really don’t need to, there will be plenty of-”

“No,” Tony interrupted, “Maybe he should, maybe Steve should see what this world is all about. He is my guardian after all, he should be watching out for me. Especially at a function like that where it’d be so  _ easy  _ to get into trouble.”

  Steve glanced at Obadiah, seeing the anger bloom in his face. Tony on the other side of the table was smirking like he had butter melting in his mouth. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

“You okay?” Steve asked, about to touch Tony’s elbow but he stopped himself.

“You ask that an awful lot, Chief.” Tony said, cigarette between his lips the second they left the restaurant. 

“Well, maybe if you seemed more  _ okay _ , I wouldn’t always be asking.” Steve retorted.

“I’m fine,” Tony rolled his eyes as he lifted his lighter to his mouth, Steve reached over and removed the cigarette from Tony’s lips, “Hey!”

 “You don’t need it if you’re fine.”

Tony scowled up at him, snapping his lighter shut and shoving his hands in his pockets in a very teenage stance. 

 “Where’s Buckface?” Tony asked.

“Doctor’s appointment,” Steve answered flatly. Shockingly, Tony didn’t continue the conversation, “Do you want to go to this thing on Tuesday?”

 “No.” 

“Then you don’t have to, you don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “Sure.”

“I’m serious,” Steve frowned, annoyed that Tony didn’t take his words to heart, “I’ll talk to Obadiah if you want.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Tony shrugged, “I’m used to it.”

“Well not while you’re grieving you’re not, you think you’ll be okay to answer questions about that?” 

“Can’t be that different than being asked what it was like in rehab.” Tony muttered.

Steve really frowned at that, “Do you want to talk to someone? A professional, I mean?”

 “Oh please-”

“No, I can tell you’re trying to deal with your parents death in your own way, but I think you’re trying to bury too much. I don’t think it’s healthy.”

 Tony’s lips tightened, “Nothing I do is healthy.”

“I’ve noticed.” Steve replied, “Are you driving home with me? Or is, Johnny coming to get you?”

“Nah, he went and got my baby.” Tony grinned, he grabbed Steve’s hand and dragged him to see it, “1970 Chevelle.” 

 “She’s beautiful.” Steve nodded, walking around the black car, “To be honest I thought you’d be more into modern cars.”

“Everyone always says that,” Tony muttered, grazing the car with his fingertips, “No, that was something Dad and I shared. Or didn’t share.. I guess I liked them because he liked them, leftover childhood shit.”

 Steve nodded, “He was crazy about classic cars.” 

“Wouldn’t let me go near them.” Tony said softly, still staring down at the vehicle. 

 Steve shifted, he didn’t know what to do when Tony talked about Howard like that. He felt the need to defend the man, but he knew there had to be truth behind Tony’s words. He didn’t like thinking of his old friend as a cruel parent, but he couldn’t deny the cruelty he had witnessed in Howard himself. Steve thought that he should probably talk more about Howard with Tony, it was a topic forever on Tony’s lips. But he couldn’t bring himself to just yet, not with the little ghost he lived with.

 “So, are you and Johnny together?” Steve asked, trying to change the subject.

Tony wrinkled his nose and shook his head, “No, we’re just really close.”

 Steve raised an eyebrow, “Mhm.” 

Tony shot him a look, “You think you know something, Rogers?”

“Of course I don’t.” He held up his hands in defense with a smile. 

  
  
  
  


 

  “No, I’m fine,” Bucky shook his head when Natasha tried to help him. She shrugged, letting him be. They understood each other in that way, they didn’t try to overcompensate with each other. 

“How’d it go today?” She asked, almost casually. 

“Pretty good,” Bucky nodded, “it was hard, so I guess that means I did good. The doctor said it’s good that I’m talking.” 

Nat looked over at him, watching him like a cat watches a fish in a bowl. 

  “Steve wishes I could talk to him..but he wants so much, he wants all the emotion at once and when it gets too much he thinks it’s his fault.” 

He knew Nat understood, and that’s why he could say it. She didn’t like too much emotion either. 

 “How’s the boy?” 

Bucky sighed, “I don’t know. Honestly, we both avoid each other.” 

He knew Tony reminded Steve of Howard and that in turn made Bucky think about Howard every time he saw Tony. That wasn’t the kid’s fault, but it didn't’ help that Tony liked to push Bucky’s buttons. He seemed to take pleasure in making Bucky dislike him. Whenever he had those thoughts he had to remind himself not to be paranoid.

  
  
  


 

   “Are we talking again?” Johnny asked on the other end of the phone. He’d left it on speaker phone, the words reverberating around the garage. He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand, which, of course, was covered in grease.

Tony removed the cigarette from his lips to speak, leaning back on his haunches to examine the work he was doing, “You got me my car, didn’t you?”

 “You’re so easily bought.” 

“You know it.” Tony laughed, replacing the cigarette between his fingers to his mouth. He walked over to the hood and leaned in, having to stand on his tip toes. He knew he was getting grease all over himself, his tank top was done for. 

 “Hey, you know I wasn’t-”

“Don’t worry about it.” Tony said overtop of him. He really didn’t want to get into it again with Johnny and he knew he would if he let him speak. Johnny just wanted too much from him. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t just keep things the way they were. Johnny wanted to mess up their relationship and make it something it couldn’t be. 

 He heard Johnny sigh, “Have you heard from Rhodey at all?” 

“Nope,” Tony shook his head unconsciously, scrunching up his face as he worked a wrench, “Still on that secluded military survival retreat.”

 He missed Rhodey. He loved Johnny but Rhodey kept him sane and he wasn’t feeling very sane lately. He didn’t even know if Rhodey knew about his parents, probably not. Before he’d left he’d said over and over that he wouldn’t be able to get any calls from the outside world. He knew he’d have Rhodey when he went back to MIT in the fall, but he wished he could have his friend now. The voice of reason missing in his life. 

 “Can you make it on Tuesday?” Tony asked, again. He’d told Johnny about the benefit that he was expected to show up to but Johnny couldn’t give him an answer.

Johnny didn’t answer right away, “No, I’m sorry. Reed wants to-”   
  “It’s fine.”

“Are you sure? Stane’s going to be there?”

“Mhm, but stars and stripes said he’d tag along, I won’t be alone.” He heard Johnny exhale, “I’ll be fine. There will be too many people there for anything to happen.”

 Sometimes he hated that Johnny knew all his secrets. The door attached to the rest of the house opened and Steve poked his head in and waved.

“I’ll call you back later,” Tony said, grabbing his phone before Johnny could continue.

“What are you doing to it?” Steve asked, walking in.   
 Tony shrugged, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, whoops, more grease on his face. He could tell by the way Steve chuckled, “She can always use something.”

 “You’re a mess,” Steve smiled, delighted at the familiar sight he had seen so often with Howard.

Tony looked down at himself, “Yeah, hazard of the hobby.” 

   He pulled off his tank top, which was already ruined, and tried to clean his hands with it. Steve sucked in his breath, thrown by the sudden amount of skin he was met with. He really hadn’t expected Tony to have so many muscles. Somehow he’d gotten the grime on him through his shirt and his abs were now shining like he’d covered himself in oil. Tony looked back at Steve, running a hand through his hair as he watched Steve watch him. He smirked, recognizing the way the older man shifted when he realized he was staring. He heard Rhodey’s voice in his head telling him ‘No’. 


	5. Of frat boys and freak outs

“Have you even seen him cry yet about his parents?” Bucky asked.

Steve shrugged, “I mean, I think I saw it once, it was dark, hard to tell. And hey-listen, everyone grieves differently.” 

  “He doesn’t act like he’s grieving at all.”

 Steve frowned, hating the way his husband and the new part of their lives didn’t mesh, “He is, Buck.” 

    Bucky raised an eyebrow like he didn’t believe Steve’s words. His eyes then widened and promptly squeezed shut, he raised a hand to his head and covered his eyes. Steve stiffened, recognizing the tense posture. He knew Bucky wanted him to stay still, any movement was just going to make it worse. But he wanted to do something, anything. He wanted to hold Bucky, touch him somehow to let him know he wasn’t alone. 

  When he returned home from battle, he hadn’t come back the same. He lived his first year and a half in a hospital and then was told he couldn’t live alone. Steve had been there, ready to scoop him up. Bucky had been able to handle to control himself but everyone once in a while the attacks would come on so sudden. 

Steve reached out his hand and Bucky swatted him away, “Don’t!”

“Buck…” 

“Get away from me!” He snarled, standing and backing away.

Steve frowned, pursing his lips, “Hey, stay with me. You’re safe right now.”

 Bucky started digging his nails into his prosthetic arm like it was burning. His eyes were wide, but unfocused. The way he breathed scared Steve, it was too fast.

 “You’re at home, at home with Steve. In America.”

Suddenly Bucky’s eyes came to focus on Steve and the harsh look disappeared. His face relaxed and he exhaled, slowly nodding. Steve also exhaled in relief, his body relaxing when he saw that Bucky had calmed down. He reached over and touched Bucky’s shoulder and leaned forward to kiss him.

 “Are you alright?”

Bucky nodded, “I’m sorry.”

 “Don’t be.” Steve shook his head, speaking softly.

“I’m so sick of this, you must really be..”

“Hey,” Steve frowned, “I signed up for this, willingly.” 

Bucky sighed, looking down. There was a while where neither spoke and then Bucky turned and walked away. Steve ran a hand through his hair and knocked his other hand against his thigh in anger.

 Bucky walked down the hall, his eyes narrowing when Tony passed in the opposite direction, phone in one hand, cigarette in the other.

“No I’ll be fine--What?” Tony raised an eyebrow at Bucky’s expression.

“The next time I see you smoking in this house,” Bucky’s voice low, almost a growl as he spoke, “I will burn you with it.” 

 Tony’s eyes widened only for a second, instantly narrowing to square off in the same glare as the man before him, “Is that so?” He replied, obviously taking Bucky’s words as a challenge.

 “Try me.” Bucky answered through clenched teeth.

 Tony was about to retort when the doorbell, that none of them were used to yet, let out a loud ring. Tony rolled his eyes and walked in the opposite direction. He didn’t get far when Steve called his name.

 “Tony.”

  Tony frowned and turned around and walked down the hall. Bucky was curious who had arrived, but he was also exhausted. He slunk off to their own bedroom and let himself curl up on the bed. 

 Tony heard Thor before he saw him. He was yell-talking to Steve when Tony rounded the corner. The two big blondes were sort of intimidating side by side. Thor beamed and rushed to grab Tony, pulling him up off the ground. Steve smirked, thinking about how he’d now seen Tony picked up like a child twice.  

  “My darling,” Thor boomed, squeezing Tony a bit too tight and earning something resembling a yelp, “did you shrink?! You’re even smaller!”

Tony tried to scowl up at Thor but it came out a weird smile, “You’re suffocating me.”

“Is  _ this _ the boyfriend?” Steve asked, an eyebrow raised.

Tony laughed and looked up at the bigger man, “Are you my boyfriend?” 

Thor nuzzled against Tony’s head, “Oh, if you’ll have me!”

Tony looked back at Steve and shook his head, “Just a friend.”

“You stomp on my heart.” Thor whined and Steve couldn’t help but let out a laugh at the way Tony sneered.  

 “Alright that’s enough,” Tony said, trying to wriggle out of the giant’s grasp. Steve turned away as Tony started pulling the big blonde away. He was glad to see that Tony was sort of like other teenagers, at least he had friends that came by to see him. 

“So,” Thor began, glancing around as Tony dragged him down the hall, “this place isn’t really your speed is it?” 

 “Ugh,  _ speed _ .” Tony mumbled longingly as he pulled Thor into his room, his eyes closing for a moment as he thought about where he could get some, “Yeah, it’s kind of little house in the suburbs.”

 Thor started taking his shirt off the second the door was closed, thankfully Thor knew what their relationship was and didn’t try to make it into something else. Tony couldn’t even get his pants off before Thor picked him up. He wrapped his legs around the other as Thor carried him to the bed, kissing his neck and face all the way there. He threw Tony down on the bed and yanked his pants off. Tony needed this. 

  Thor leaned in and pulled Tony back into a kiss, cupping his chin with one hand while sliding Tony forward with the other. Tony was hungry for it and he didn’t care how obvious it was. He switched their positions, he preferred to be on top. The big blonde grinned up at him like a dope, like Tony was the best treat. 

 “I missed you.”

“Of course you did,” Tony breathed, closing his eyes as he rolled against the other.

 “You hadn’t called in a while so-”

“Could you shut up and just fuck me?” Tony sighed exasperatedly, giving Thor an angry look.

 The blonde seemed to get the message, he grabbed Tony around the middle and flipped him on his back. Before Tony could do anything, Thor continued by turning Tony onto his stomach. Tony didn’t hate this position but it wasn’t what he wanted. Yes he wanted to have his brains fucked out of him, which is what Thor was good at, but this position made him feel more vulnerable than he’d wanted. 

  Down the hall, Steve was trying not to listen to the moaning coming from the teenager’s room. He closed the door to their bedroom, exchanging a look with his husband who was still up, reading. 

 “What am I listening to?” 

Steve shrugged sheepishly, “Tony’s got a  _ friend _ .” 

“Oh,” Bucky nodded with a roll of his eyes, “At least he has friends.” 

“That’s what I was thinking,” Steve smiled, walking forward, yanking off his shirt. He climbed into bed with his husband, pulling off his socks after he was already under the covers. He leaned over and kissed Bucky’s cheek. Then his chin and his neck. He felt Bucky pull away.

 “We’ve got teenagers screwing down the hall.”

Steve sighed and sat back, knowing that that wasn’t the reason Bucky was pulling away. 

He wanted to get up and go lift weights, but he didn’t want his disappointment to be too obvious, so he just rolled over and hoped he could get some actual sleep tonight. 

  Thankfully Thor knew when to leave, so when they were done Tony went straight to sleep. Thor was good about that, he didn’t try to cuddle, he kicked himself out. 

After hours of just staring at the ceiling, Steve got up. He made his way through the house and went out to the pool. He sat down and tangled his feet in, watching the small waves. He had just been about to fall asleep when he felt the dark thoughts. Bucky should be the one with the nightmares, all the terrors he’d seen and had done to him. But Steve was the one who couldn’t go a night without nightmares. He thought about slipping into the pool, maybe he should go lift weights. His body was tired but his mind couldn’t settle down. He stood, shaking off the water from his feet and went back into the house. 

  He frowned when he walked down the hall and heard crying noises from Tony’s room. The door wasn’t shut like it had been when Steve had gone to bed. He knew it was wrong but he poked his head in to make sure everything was okay. Tony was tangled in the sheets and was kicking out his limbs. He was drenched in sweat and his face was scrunched up like he was in pain. 

Steve walked in and touched Tony’s shoulder, “Hey.” 

Tony cried out and swiped at Steve in his sleep, so Steve grabbed his wrists to keep from getting hit. This woke Tony up and out of reflex his leg came up and his knee got Steve right in the gut. Steve let out a cry and Tony shot up.

 “Christ!”

“Fuck! I’m sorry! Oh my god!” 

“No..it’s fine.” Steve grimaced, folding over a bit.

Tony winced and then frowned, “What are you doing in here?”

  “You were having a nightmare and... I dunno, I was trying to help..”

Tony was still breathing fast, sweat still covering his chest. He still looked scared.

“Are you okay?”

 Tony nodded, crossing his arms protectively, “Are you?”

“I’ll be fine. You wanna talk about that dream?” 

 Tony rolled his eyes, “Could you stop trying to parent?  I’m a big boy, I can handle a nightmare.”

Steve sighed, realizing he was still kneeling on the bed he readjusted to a sitting position, “I’m up every night because of nightmares. Sometimes I purposely stay up so I don’t have to deal with it.”

 Tony continued to frown at him, like he didn’t believe Steve’s words, “It wasn’t a big deal.”

Steve shrugged, “Do you want to talk at all? I know you’re not going back to sleep.”

Tony shifted, pulling his legs under him, “No. I don’t want to play shrink.”

“Have you ever been to one?”

 “Of course,” Tony smirked, hugging his knees, “all this  designer emotional baggage had to go somewhere and my parents didn’t want to deal with it themselves.”

  Steve sighed, he broke his heart every time Tony muttered about Howard’s questionable parenting. He hated thinking of his friend like that, but deep down he knew it was true. Time had tinted details with nostalgia but Steve remembered the bad parts of Howard. He looked up when Tony shivered and rubbed his arms.

 “Get under the covers, you’re going to get sick.”

“Sick of  _ you, _ ” Tony grumbled, but he did slide his feet under the blankets. There were times when Steve would forget that Tony was seventeen, and then there were times Tony was  **so** obviously a teenager. He wanted to ask Tony if he was okay. He wanted to tell Tony it was okay to cry if he needed to. But he knew that wasn’t the way to go with Tony. 

  “So, is Thor from MIT?”

That made Tony laugh, “No. No, just a frat guy from a nearby school.”

“He seemed... _ nice _ .”

“Mhm,” Tony smirked, side-eying Steve, “Ridiculous is what he is. But he’s fun to party with.” 

 A shadow covered the door and they both looked up. Bucky was standing in the door frame, looking tired, “What are you doing?”

 Steve saw Tony shift in the sheets, “Just talking, he couldn’t sleep either.”

Bucky nodded, eyes squinting as he turned and went back down the hall. Steve didn’t understand why he suddenly felt like he’d been caught doing something wrong.


	6. Look Normal for the Cameras

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the tags

“You sure you won’t come?” Steve sighed, checking himself over in the mirror. He really didn’t know how he was suppose to look.

“I’m positive.” Bucky replied, he helped Steve with his collar then sat down, “He doesn’t even want to go, why are  **you** ?”

“He asked,” Steve shrugged.

“I’ll be  _ fine _ !” They both heard Tony yell at the phone as he stomped through the hallway, “No I will not let you talk to Steve!”

 “Was that my name?” Steve called.

“No. Fuck off, you’re not my fucking guardian.”

Steve looked over his shoulder at Bucky, “Is he talking to me?”

Tony made an angry noise and walked in, thrusting his phone at Steve. 

“Uh, hello?” Steve asked, taking the phone.

Tony crossed his arms and stared back at Steve as Johnny started talking, “Hey, don’t let Tony wander off tonight, he’s going to, but don’t let him.”

“Uh, what? Why?”

“Watch him please, I would be there if I could. Don’t let anything happen to him.” 

“What do you think is going to happen, Johnny?” Steve asked with a frown.

 Tony let out the same exasperated sound again and held out his hand, “Give it back.”

Steve turned away from Tony, “What would happen to him?”

“Give me the phone!”

Bucky chuckled a little, expecting Tony to stomp his feet.

 Steve handed over the phone, frowning at Tony, “What’s that about?” 

“He’s dramatic.”

 “Alright, Kettle.” Bucky muttered. 

“And  _ you  _ can go fuck yourself.”

Bucky stood, “Excuse me?”

 Steve stepped in between them instinctively, “Alright. Calm down.”

“That attitude better disappear.” 

“Or what?” Tony laughed. 

 Steve physically pushed Tony away from Bucky, “Get!” 

Tony rounded on him with a look of fury, “I’m not some pet you can swat!”

“Get!” Steve repeated, shoving Tony out of the room. He closed his eyes and sighed, turning back to his husband, “Honey-”

 “God, that brat is awful!”    
“I agree.” Steve nodded, grabbing Bucky’s hands, “He is a brat and he’s lashing out at us.”

 “Me,” Bucky corrected, “He lashes out at  _ me _ . He’s better with you.” 

Steve couldn’t truly argue with that, “No. He’s just..”

Bucky gave him a doubtful look, “Mhm.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  “You’re late.” Was the first thing they were met with. The tall red headed woman ushered them into a side room where Tony was shoved into a chair so people could fix him up.

 “Pepper Potts,” the redhead said, shaking Steve’s hand.

“PR.” Tony mumbled as one of the women there to change his appearance pulled at his hair. 

“Shush.” Pepper aimed at him, turning back to Steve, “I’m an executive officer in Stark Industries assigned to Tony.” 

 “ _ Nanny _ .” Tony smirked, raising his eyebrows at one of the women holding makeup, “Seriously? Am I going for a screen test?” 

“I’m sorry we haven’t met sooner,” Steve nodded, confused as well as to why Tony needed to be dolled up, “My husband’s at home, but I’m sure he’d like to meet you as well.” 

Pepper nodded, looking down at her phone, “Hurry up, he needs to be up there soon.”

Steve watched Tony stare at his reflection in the mirror, “What is he needed for?”

Pepper’s face softened, “He needs to speak to investors and the press will want a statement.”

Steve frowned, “Really? The seventeen year old needs to make a statement to the press?”

 She glanced at Tony and sighed, “I realize how it sounds-”

“He’s a teenager.” He looked over at Tony, one of the beauty crew handing him a drink that made him smile too much, “How often is this sort of thing going to be happening? It’s been _ two weeks _ , shouldn’t there be some kind of a grace period?”  

  “I agree.” Pepper nodded, glancing down at her phone again, “He really shouldn’t--Oh, time’s up.” 

   They yanked Tony from the chair, pulled the drink from his hand and pushed him forward. Steve followed, apparently forgotten now that Tony looked presentable. They’d made his hair poofier, added highlight to his face that made him look younger and even sprayed him with something that must have had coconut and lime in it. Pepper ran off a list of people and topics, Tony rolling his eyes.

   Obadiah Stane’s smile he was using to smoosh investors turned a little sour when he saw them. He excused himself and walked over, “Where have you been?” 

 “Forgot where the place was,” Tony mumbled. He turned to Pepper, “For the love of God, get me a drink.” 

 Pepper ignored him but Tony’s hand was quickly filled with a glass. Steve was just about to object when Tony was dragged away, Obadiah’s arm around his shoulder in a warm gesture. While Tony didn’t look happy to be there, he did put on a sad smile when asked about his parents, flashed a devious grin when asked about his love life and answered appropriately to all questions. It was sort of disturbing to see Tony so obedient. 

 “You okay?” Steve asked, touching Tony’s shoulder as another drink was put in his hand.

“Perfectly perfect.” Tony sighed. 

“Tony!” 

Tony turned and was enveloped in a hug, a sight Steve was getting used to. 

“Rhodey,” Tony beamed, reaching up and hugging the other.

“I’m so sorry! I had no idea what had happened! I should have been here for you! God, Tony, I’m sorry I was gone. You shouldn’t have had to do this alone. I’m so sorry.” He pulled back and grabbed Tony’s face to look at him better,, “Why do you look so normal? What’d you do? What’d you take?” 

   Tony smiled, “Nothing. I’m fine.” 

“Of course you’re not fine.” Rhodey scoffed, he suddenly looked over at Steve, “Oh, is this..? James Rhodes.” He said, offering his hand to Steve. 

 “Not boyfriend.” Tony said over Rhodey’s shoulder before Steve could even ask.

“What?” Rhodey turned back in confusion, then turning back to Steve, “I’m Tony’s roommate at school. I was away on a seclusion-”

“Retreat.” Tony interrupted.

Steve ignored Tony, “My husband and I are military, I understand.”

Rhodey brightened at that, “Really?” 

 “Maybe  _ you _ should go live with them.” Tony muttered. 

Steve saw Rhodey take Tony’s hand in his, protectively, almost instinctively. It was a pleasant sight.

“I’m okay.” Tony said, like there was a question to be answered hanging in the air.

“Of course you aren’t.” Rhodey replied softly. He looked Tony over, like he was checking for visible signs of Tony’s pain, “I’m really sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

Obadiah appeared and shoved another drink into Tony’s hand, Steve realized he should be counting how many Tony was drinking, “Could you orphan it up a bit? Everyone thinks you’re looking too well adjusted.” 

  He grabbed Tony’s arm and dragged him in another direction. Steve frowned and turned to Pepper, his voice low and steady, “I know we just met and I can tell you don’t actually have a lot of control in all  _ this _ . But I’m Tony’s guardian and I’m telling you right now, there isn’t going to be much more of this.” He waved his hand, “It’s obvious Tony doesn’t want to be here. I’m not going to let him be put on display like this, especially not to exploit his parents’ death.” 

 Pepper looked shocked for a moment then sighed sadly, “I don’t think it’s right either...I’m just doing my job..”

Steve felt like saying something about how that wasn’t a good enough excuse, but he didn’t. 

“Unfortunately,” She said, looking over at Tony as he was pulled to a round of reporters, “he’s used to it.” 

 Tony did look like a wet cat up until a camera was shoved in his face. All of a sudden his facial expression changed, somehow the highlights on his face seemed more defined and he looked less miserable, even pleasant. 

“Tony, how are you coping?”

“One day at a time,” Tony replied with a sigh, pursing his lips as Obadiah wrapped his arm around his shoulders. 

 “Tony, are you still planning on going back to school?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” He replied with a scowl.

“Who are you wearing?”   
 Tony rolled his eyes, hating everyone in the building at that moment, “Versace.”

“Tony, what do you think your parents would want you-”

“They’re  **dead** . They don’t think  _ anything _ .” Tony retorted, Obadiah squeezing Tony’s shoulder.

“Mr. Stane, how has Tony’s drug use been in this difficult time?”

“Not constant enough,” Tony snapped, yanking away from Obadiah, “anyone have anything on hand?” He then stomped away when the reporters started talking all at once. Before he could get anywhere Obadiah hand a hand around his arm and was dragging him in another direction entirely. Tony tensed but didn’t try to pull out of his tight grasp. Obadiah nodded and smiled to people before he pushed Tony into the bathroom. 

He looked around to make sure no one was there,  “Lose the attitude,  _ now _ .” He growled, shoving Tony against the wall, “I told you not to fuck things up tonight.” 

 “Well  _ you _ should have told them not to ask stupid questions.”

Stane slammed his hand against the wall next to Tony’s head, making him flinch, just like when his father used to do it. Obadiah smirked, “So that technique still works, huh? Shuts you right up, doesn’t it?” 

 Tony scowled up at him, unblinking in a challenging way. Obadiah looked at him for a moment, his features softening, “What other techniques did Daddy use on you when no one else was around? Hm?” 

 His hand grazed Tony’s cheek, then his neck, Tony wriggled away, but Obadiah just pushed him into a corner, “You miss me?” He whispered, resting a hand on Tony’s hip while the other rubbed Tony’s thigh. Tony averted his eyes, sucking in his breath as the older man’s hand roamed. Pretend you want this.

“Maybe you’re just acting out because you don’t get enough attention? Hm?  Your foster daddies ignoring your needs?”

  Tony’s heart was pounding in his ears when the door opened and someone walked in. Tony jumped back, bumping against the wall he was already up against. Obadiah’s hands were off him before Steve entered, but he could tell something was off, “Everything alright?”

  Tony scooted away, rushing past Steve. Steve grabbed Tony’s hand but let him go when he yanked away. He frowned and turned back to Stane, “What’s happened?”

 “Found cocaine on him, had to talk about it in private.” 

Steve narrowed his eyes and followed after Tony, not believing the words he’d been told.

 

 

 

 

 

 Tony tried to look normal as he pushed past people, his chest feeling like it was caving in. Don’t run, look normal. People were trying to talk to him but there was a ringing in his ears. He walked calmly over to the bar and dropped down, covering his ears and squeezing his eyes shut. 

 This sort of thing hadn’t happened in years. He was  _ sevenfuckingteen _ , he should be able to handle himself by now. He shouldn’t have to fucking hide. He opened his eyes. Shit, he was hiding. He looked up, realizing he was on the ground next to a waiter who was looking down at him in bewilderment.

 He let out an angry noise and let his head rest back against the bar.

“Hey,” The guy said softly, with a strange accent, “don’t worry about it. Must be exhausting being the center of attention all the time.”

Tony exhaled, realizing that he wasn’t going to get caught, yet. He squeezed his hands into fists to keep them from quivering. He shook his head, trying to shake his father’s voice from his head. 

The man was dead and he could still make Tony feel shame. He looked up at the young waiter, with short blonde hair, looking down at him with concern. 

 “Do you need anything?” Tony’s eyes were drawn to the waiter’s hands, twitching as he spoke. Tony looked up, realizing the guy in front of him was deaf. Tony shook his head and said “No, but thank you for being quiet” in sign language. 

The waiter beamed at Tony’s reply and used his fingers to answer, “Quiet, that a joke?”

Tony let out a chuckle then he sighed, he had lost all motivation to act like a person at this function. He looked back up at the blonde waiter and asked his name.

 “Clint.” 

“Well, Clint,” Tony replied, the smile creeping onto the young waiter’s face again when Tony’s fingers moved, “I need someone to play with. Know somewhere we can be alone?”

 Clint’s eyebrows raised for a second, then he smirked and offered Tony a hand so he could stand.

 “What kind of play did you have in mind?” Clint asked with a smile. This is exactly what Tony needed. 

 

 

 

 

“He actually does this a lot,” Rhodey muttered.

Steve nodded, remembering how Johnny had told him to keep an eye on Tony. He scanned the room, trying to find the bounce of Tony’s hair or the roll of his eyes in the crowd.

 “What’s he like at school?”

“Manic.” Rhodey answered, “He has a lot of energy. Doesn’t sleep much,  _ ever _ really. He’s way younger than everyone else but he’s graduating with multiple degrees. I’m working my ass off just to get one..” 

Steve turned his gaze to Rhodey, “Really? Jesus, he’s not even eighteen.”

“Tell me about it. I don’t know where he finds time in the day to be a genius  _ and _ a party so hard.” 

 They walked through the grand room, talking about Tony while they searched for him. 

“So, I’ve noticed he drinks a lot.”

Rhodey nodded slightly, “Yup.”

“And..?”

Rhodey glanced up at him, “He has a lot of.. _ hobbies _ .”

Steve sighed, pursing his lips slightly at the implication. He was starting to understand that maybe Tony wasn’t acting out because of the tragedy, maybe this really was common behavior. 

 Rhodey suddenly stopped, “Uh, I think I see him. I’ll uh, go get him.” 

Steve frowned, “Really? I don-”

“It’s okay, I’ve got it. I’ll get him.” Rhodey said quickly, holding his hands up. Steve was about to ask when Rhodey walked away from him. He slipped out onto one of the balconies and if Steve shifted he could see through the window. It was dark out, but squinting Steve could make out three figures. First to emerge from the darkness was a young waiter who disappeared into the crowd. Rhodey had a hand on Tony’s arm, whispering in his ear.Steve strode forward.

 “Is everything alright?”

Tony was chuckling when he turned to Steve, his pupils dilated, “Oh, look, he’s still trying to rescue everyone!” 

“I think it’s time to leave.” Rhodey said, looking up at Steve. 

“I agree,” Steve replied, grabbing Tony’s arm and leading him. 

“Everyone’s always fucking grabbing me,” Tony grunted, scowling up at the older man. Steve was about reply when he noticed a drop of blood under Tony’s nose. Rhodey saw it at the same time, he sighed and reached up over, grabbing Tony’s face to wipe the blood away. He did it like he’d done it a million times. 

“Okay,” Steve said, his grip on Tony tightening, his voice changing to his military tone, “it  **is** time to leave.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey, I’m serious.” Steve said, shutting the door behind him as they entered the house. Bucky looked up at the sound and got up to go toward the noise. 

 “Oh, I bet you are.” Tony scoffed, “I’m sure you’re pissed it wasn’t  _ your _ dick I was sucking.” 

Steve sucked in his breath, trying to keep calm, “I know you’re going through a lot but you can’t just-”

Tony turned around, “You have no  _ idea _ what I go through.” 

 Bucky rounded the corner and watched them, watched their body language.

“Obviously that excuse to parade you in front of cameras was too much for you.” 

Tony smirked, looking down at his hands as he pulled out a cigarette and his lighter, “ _ Right _ . I think you’re assuming I’m more delicate than I actually am,  _ Steve _ . I do coke because I like being high, not because I can’t handle the world around me.” 

  Bucky stepped forward, frowning as he felt Tony’s energy rise. Steve met his eyes. Tony turned and scoffed again, “Yeah, let’s get the whole  _ family _ in on this.”

“What happened?”

“Stephanie’s mad because I was enjoying myself finally.” Tony answered, lifting the lighter to the cigarette between his lips. Bucky narrowed his eyes and Tony laughed, “Seriously? We’re still on this?” 

 “What did I say?”

Tony smirked and removed the cigarette from his mouth, blowing smoke at Bucky before he spoke, “If I recall properly, something about how you’d burn me, right?” He took a step forward and held the cigarette up, like he was offering it, “Well be my guest.”

“Stop it.” Steve said, stepping closer.

“No seriously,” Tony grinned, rolling up his sleeve, “teach me a lesson. Go ahead.” 

Bucky stared back at the threat in front of him. Tony frowned for a moment, but it was soon replaced by the same grin he’d had before, like a taunt.

 “I didn’t think so,” He whispered with a sneer, taking the cigarette and pressing it into his forearm. Bucky grabbed both of Tony’s arms and pinned them to his sides, the action making Steve jump forward. He grabbed Bucky and pulled him from Tony. 

 “What the fuck?!” Steve cried. Bucky staring in horror, a dull noise flooding his brain.

“If you’re going to threaten, you should at least follow through.” Tony smirked over Steve’s shoulder as he examined Tony’s arm. Steve yanked Tony down the hall to the kitchen. He held Tony by the wrist and thrust his arm under the facet, quickly turning on the cold water. Tony winced and Steve frowned.

“Oh,  **that** hurts?! Jesus..Tony, why did you do this?” 

To prove a point, Tony thought to himself. Steve made an angry noise, mumbling about ointment. He sucked in his breath when he saw old, now white, scars on Tony’s arm. One problem at a time.

He let out a heavy sigh, looking at Tony again, “ _ Why _ did you do this?” He repeated.

Tony looked back at him, like he was trying to figure out something. 

 “You can’t...ugh, you can’t do stuff like this.” 

“No?” Tony asked calmly.

Steve looked up, frowning, “No. You can’t hurt yourself, you can’t keep doing drugs and drinking, you’ve got to stop  _ fighting _ us. We just want to take care of you.”

 “I didn’t ask for that.” 

Steve pursed his lips as he bandaged Tony’s arm, “Well, I’m asking you now, please just..just let us.” He couldn’t help pulling Tony into a hug, pressing him against his chest. He felt Tony tense but he quickly relaxed, he certainly didn’t hug back but he didn’t pull away. Steve let go and walked away, leaving him alone. He found Bucky in their bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. He knew then that he should have taken care of Bucky first. 

    He kneeled down in front of the other, touching his husband’s arms. Bucky flinched and looked up, “Did I make him do that?” Before Steve could even begin to answer Bucky continued, “No! Ugh, god, he even gets in  **my** fucking head!”

“Buck..”

 “That kid is so fucking..fucked up! Why the fuck..”

“I don’t know,” Steve sighed, “he was high and angry, it wasn’t about you.” 

Bucky’s face was scrunched as he let Steve take his hands in his, “He’s too messed up, Steve. I can’t..”

“We’re all he has.” Steve insisted, “We’ll send him to a counselor. He obviously needs it. It’ll help, I swear. He’s just grieving.” 

Bucky frowned as Steve looked up at him with pleading eyes. Steve had so much faith and Bucky had none.


	7. Breaking Down

“Hi,” Johnny nodded when the door opened, bouncing in place like the pleasantries were taking up too much time, “is Tony around?”

 Bucky nodded and pointed down the hall, not used to being the gatekeeper for a teenager. Johnny breezed past him without another word. Bucky raised his mug to his lips, wondering what so many people saw in the brat.

 “Why haven’t you been answering my texts? I told you to call me!”

Bucky narrowed his eyes as he heard the voices. He walked down the hall, closer to Tony’s room, knowing perfectly well that he shouldn’t be listening.

“It was fine.”

Johnny sighed, “If it was fine then why didn’t you just say so? You knew I was worrying. I worry every time he’s around you.”

 Bucky frowned in confusion, taking another sip of his tea as he leaned against the wall. Who was Johnny talking about? He worried about what?

“I was fine.” Tony answered, setting his laptop down on the bed.

Johnny frowned and sat at Tony’s feet, touching one of his ankles, “Seriously? Because Rhodey said-”

“Since when are you talking about me to Rhodey behind my back?”

“Since you wouldn’t return my texts!” Johnny snapped.

Tony crossed his arms and yanked his feet away, tucking them under him, “I’m not your charge, you don’t need to know where I am every second of the day.”

 “Stop it. I’m not your fucking enemy.”

“Then stop acting like-”

“Like I _care_?!”

“I’m not doing this with you again.” Tony sighed, rolling his eyes.

Johnny also sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, “I really did worry when you were silent about it.”

Tony’s face relaxed a little at the sad expression on Johnny’s, “It was nothing.”

Johnny frowned, “So..something _did_ happen?”

Tony paused, rolling his eyes again and hugging his knees, “He groped me a little.”

Johnny’s anger came roaring back, “Jesus Christ! I fucking knew something-”

“Stop.”

“I fucking knew! How? How’d he get you alone?”

Tony shrugged, voice getting quieter, “Sort of just dragged me into a bathroom.”

“Fucking Christ!” Johnny’s hands were now fists,he saw the way Tony was trying to shrink himself but he couldn’t drop it, “And where was _Captain_ **_fucking_** _America_ while this was happening?! How far did it go, Tony? Where-”

 “God! I wish I’d never told you about any of it!” Tony snapped, shoving a pillow at the other, “It’s not a big deal. None of it mattered. I complained about it because I was younger and I just didn’t know-”

“No!” Johnny shook his head, pointing a finger at Tony, “You’re not going to justify it to me!”

“Nothing happened!” Tony cried, slapping away Johnny’s hand, “Stop victimizing me!”

Johnny grabbed Tony’s wrist to keep him from swiping again, “So we’re just going to pretend no one ever molested you?! Okay! So why do you drink so much, huh? Why can’t you go a month without coke? Hm? Why’d you shoot up-”

  “Shut up!” Tony yelled, shoving at the other.

“No, really! _Why_ do you do the stuff you do if your life is so fucking normal?!” Johnny snapped, grabbing Tony’s other arm to stop his swing, “Why do you slice up your own arm?!”

“I don’t fucking do that!”

“But you _did_!” Johnny cried, “You do everything possible to prove **you’re** the one in control, even willing to fucking overdose!”

 Tony’s eyes widened and narrowed so quickly. He kicked out as hard as he could which sent Johnny backwards with a cry.

“Get the fuck out!”

“Wake the fuck up!” Johnny retorted, “I’m not-”

“You know what you _are_ , Johnny?” Tony interrupted, his lip curled into a sneer, “You’re my drug dealer. You’re the one I call when I want to get high or when I’m too lazy to find someone else to fuck. I’m not **yours** , so stop pretending.”

  Johnny pursed his lips, this wasn’t the first time he had been on the receiving end of Tony’s anger and it probably wouldn’t be the last. When Tony felt attacked he could get really nasty and Johnny knew that better than anyone.

 “Whatever.” Johnny turned, “Call me when you need a buzz.”

The anger in Tony’s chest didn’t subside when Johnny left, in fact he felt worse. Tony let out an angry noise and let himself fall back on the bed. He threw an arm over his eyes just as Bucky poked in his head. Bucky frowned when he wasn’t noticed immediately, he knocked on the doorframe and cleared his throat.

  “Uh, what was that about?”

Tony looked up, narrowing his eyes, “You were eavesdropping? Seriously?”

“Um, no,” Bucky retorted, attitude flaring, “You were shouting so loud I couldn’t help but hear.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

A part of Bucky’s brain told him to back down but, “Look you little shit, we’re just trying to take care of-”

 “No no no,” Tony sat up, “Your husband is the one trying to take care of me. You’re just a burden who can’t keep his mind from spilling out of his head.”

 Bucky opened his mouth to speak but Tony kept talking, now rising to stand, “Do you really think he’ll stick around? I know he has a savior complex but do you _really_ think he’ll be able to stand your **fits** forever? And should he really have to? Don’t you think you’re be selfish hanging onto him like this when you’re such damaged goods? The humane thing to do would be to leave without a note.”

 Bucky didn’t reply, his brow furrowed and his lip a frown. He didn’t answer, he just turned and exited the room, the complete opposite of what Tony had been expecting. Tony sat again, running a hand through his hair and exhaling as he thought about what had just come out of his mouth.

  
  
  
  


“I don’t know why I say that stuff to him.” Tony sighed, leaning back against Rhodey’s shoulder,

“Because you’re an asshat.”

Tony nodded in agreement. He let out a sigh and slid down so that his head was in Rhodey’s lap, pulling his legs up onto the couch.. Rhodey looked down at him and sighed, combing through Tony’s dark hair with his hand, “Call him up.”

“Nope.” Tony shook his head, picking at his thumb nail.

“Well then you deserve to feel this way.”

Tony stuck his tongue out like a child, making Rhodey roll his eyes for what felt like the million-billionth time since he’d arrived.

In the kitchen Natasha had her head cocked to the side as she listened to the voices in the next room.

 Steve turned, two mugs in each hand and he shot her a disapproving glare, “Stop listening to them.”

“It’s my job to know what’s going on around me.” She answered, eyes still averted. He sat down, placing a mug on the table in front of her.

“Leave them alone.”

 “We both know you’re listening too.”

“What was the fight about?” Rhodey asked, tugging at a strand of Tony’s hair.

“I dunno.” Tony grumbled, crossing his arms defensively.

Rhodey scoffed, “Right. Well, at least you’re admitting some fault.”

“He’s the one who-”

“You know perfectly well why you treat him like shit. He’s in love with you and you don’t know how to deal with it.”

Tony was about to sit up to rebuff but Rhodey shoved him back down, “You’re both terrible influences on each other, but he’s treated you better than any of the other guys you’ve messed around with.”

  Tony let out an annoyed sigh, turning on his side to bury his face in Rhodey’s shirt. Rhodey frowned, “Yeah, you _should_ hide your head.”

 Tony’s phone vibrated and he peeked under Rhodey’s arm at the text, he let out an exasperated sigh and called, “Nanny’s coming over.”

“What?” Steve answered, the doorbell ringing almost on cue. Natasha smirked as Steve rose and went to the door.

 Pepper Potts greeted Steve with a smile, “Mr. Rogers.”

“Ms. Potts, is-”

 “I’m sorry to come by like this, but Tony’s been-”

“Muting your calls!” Tony called from the living room, letting out an “Ow!” when Rhodey smacked him.

 Pepper sighed, nodding to herself a little, “I had a meeting with Tony about-”

“The seventeen year old had a meeting?” Steve asked skeptically, eyes narrowing.

She sighed again, “Yes. Mr. Rogers, I understand that..I realize it seems unfair-”

 “It does, Ms. Potts. It’s only been _three_ _weeks_. He’s not stable enough to be dealing with this sort of thing. He does have an appointment today, but it’s with a therapist.”

 Tony sat up, exchanging a look with Rhodey as Steve talked.

 “Mr. Rogers-”

“I know Tony’s accustom to being displayed like a show dog, but it’s obvious he doesn’t appreciate it. So it ends now. No more scheduled press interviews, no more photo sessions. Let him be a teenager.”

“I-”

 “I know you’re only doing your job, and I’ll say this to Stane myself, but as his guardian I do not permit this. I won’t let his grief be exploited. Now if you’d like to come in and sit, I would love to get to know you better.”

 Tony appeared next to them, “She really has nothing to do with it, Steve.

“I’m sure-”

 “She’s seriously a glorified nanny.” He said with a straight face.

Pepper gave him a look, “I am not. Steve, I understand your frustration, but unfortunately Tony is...he’s part of a brand..” She averted her eyes as she said the words.

 “ _Brand_?” Steve repeated through his teeth. He could tell he was starting to scare the woman but he didn’t care, “He’s a person, not a product.”

 “Steve-” Tony began.

“Tony, I appreciate that you’re trying to defend her, she seems like a lovely woman, but she’s part of a system that I’m not going to be a part of. Ms. Potts, unless you’d like to come in and sit, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Tony has other plans for the day.”

 

  
  


Steve had really expected some sort of fight when they’d introduced the therapist idea, but Tony agreed without complaint.

 “And it’s not like-”

“It’s fine, Steve.” Tony said calmly, staring out the car window, “This isn’t my first time.”

Steve frowned, glancing from the road to the teenager. He hated how nonchalant Tony was about it, like it wasn’t a big deal to be seeing a therapist.

 “He’s a nice guy, really calm. I spoke to him a little, just about the situation.”

“Mhm.” Tony nodded.

 Steve frowned again, looking over at the other, “Are you with me?”

Tony turned his head to face the man, “I’m here aren’t I? I didn’t come kicking and screaming, but I’m not going to act excited either.”

 Steve sighed and turned his eyes back to the road. None of them had really discussed the incident after it happened. Bucky tip toed around to avoid Tony and Tony acted like nothing had happened.

 “I’ll wait-”

“Go find an errand to run.” Tony said, slipping out of the car and shutting the door behind him before Steve could retort.

“Well, Tony, it’s good to meet you.” Bruce said as they sat.

“Yup.” Tony mumbled in return, already looking bored.

“Why are you here today?”

“Routine check-up.” He answered, looking the counselor in the eye, “Kind of like a visit with the dentist.”

 “So you’ve been to counseling before?”

“It’s in my medical history,” Tony replied, fingers interlacing as he leaned forward in an aggressive posture, “And I know you’ve read that already.”  

Bruce shifted in his chair, this wasn’t going to be an easy client, “So you know all the tricks then, hm?”

Tony shrugged, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms, “You figure out the procedure after so many appointments.”

 Bruce waited a moment, in case Tony wanted to continue. He seemed like a kid that liked the sound of his own voice, “Unless you have something you’d like to address..?” He paused, raising an eyebrow at the teen, “I’d like to talk about the self-harm your foster parents witnessed.”

 Tony frowned at the ‘foster parents’ part of of the sentence but Bruce assumed it was about the subject matter.

 “Or the drug use? Let’s just jump into the hard stuff since you already know all the tricks.”

Tony smirked, enjoying the doctor’s attitude, “Does drug use really trump self harm?”

Bruce shrugged, “We can talk about something else if you’ve like? But I’d like to be productive while you’re here.”

“You were given a grocery list of issues and you want to check them off in the hour we have.” Tony retorted. He couldn’t help but get annoyed. He always hated shrink visits, they were pointless. If he didn’t talk about his feelings his parents had forced extra sessions, if he _did_ talk they ignored what he had to say. Therapist was just another word for babysitter.

  “Your foster parents noted their worries, yes.” Bruce nodded, “Could you at least tell me why you burned yourself?”

 It was Tony’s turn to shrug, “To prove a point.”

Bruce tried not to let his face react, “Do you often use destructive behaviors to prove your point?”

Tony smirked a little, “I guess.”

“Being right is important to you, huh?”

“I suppose.”

Bruce sighed a little, leaning back in his chair, not wanting to play the game Tony was playing, “How about relationships? Do you have anyone special right now?” Before Tony could reply Bruce continued as if to himself, “But no, you’re not the kind to get trapped in one romantic relationship, right? You’ve got all kinds of people begging for your attention I bet. You’re used to being at the center of everything, right? Could never feel lonely _that_ way.”

Tony’s smirk had slid from his face as Bruce spoke. He pursed his lips and shrugged.

  
  
  
  
  


   Tony lit a joint the second he walked out of the building. He really wanted a line, but he didn’t have any on him. Rhodey had once told him he was mean on cocaine, but he didn’t know if he really believed that. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked toward the car. Beat up 1980’s ugly ass car.  He dumped himself in the passenger seat and slammed the door. Steve had been drawing on a sketch pad but he straightened when Tony arrived.

“Oh, how’d it g-”

“Fine.” Tony interrupted, taking the sketch pad from the other, “This is good.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Shut up, you’re good.” Tony scoffed, smiling at the way Steve’s ears turned pink. And then his eyes widened in realization, “Oh my god, Dad had one of your drawings framed in his office!”

And that made Steve turn red, “Probably not.”

“No,” Tony nodded, flipping through the book, “it was definitely your style. _Jesus_ , he was fucking sentimental with **you**!"

Steve started the car, hoping to drop the subject. The car complained but eventually turned over. Tony gave Steve a look of disgust, “This thing is ready to die.”

“She’s fine.” Steve shook his head, “How did the session go?”

“Patient confidentiality, seriously, this car is going to get you into an accident.” He said, taking a long drag on the joint.

Steve chuckled, glancing over at Tony’s oh-so-serious-we’re-talking-about-cars-here-face. He looked just like Howard.

He decided to take the long way home. When they first bought the house he took all the back roads to know how to get home from anywhere. He kept glancing over at Tony, watching him watch the world pass by.

 “Where are we going?”

“Home. Just taking the long way.”

“Ohh,” Tony nodded with a smirk, “more bonding time with me, huh?”

“That’s right.” Steve smiled back. They sat in comfortable silence for a while and then the car just stopped. Steve swore and Tony started cackling.

“WHAT DID I **JUST** SAY?!

“I’m sure it’s fine.” Steve sighed as he unbuckled and got out. He rolled up his sleeves and lifted the hood.

“Oh please,” Tony laughed, bumping Steve out of the way with his hip, “You think **you’re** fixing this thing? Get out of my way, Rogers.”

God, it was just like having Howard in front of him!

Steve smiled and backed off, knowing perfectly well that Tony could fix the car better than him. He had once tried to fix something in front of Howard, an embarrassing moment in their relationship.

 Tony’s hands were inside the car the second he booted Steve out. He kept making faces and mumbling about the age of the car.

“She’s really not that old.”

 “ _She’s_ dead.” Tony replied, pulling back and unzipping his hoodie. He shook it off and handed it to Steve, “Do you have any tools in the back?”

“Uh..”Steve walked around the car, “A wrench.”

Tony closed his eyes, smiling to himself at how adorable the big blonde oaf was, “Bring it to me, please.”

 “A _please_? Woah.” Steve laughed.

Tony coughed, “Oh excuse me, I meant fuck you gimme that.”

Steve laughed, handing over the wrench. He crossed his arms and stepped back, watching Tony do his thing. Tony had this smirk on his face, like he was sharing a joke with the car or like it had challenged him to a battle. He looked just like Howard.

  Tony was leaning against the car, almost climbing into it. He made an angry noise and tossed the wrench over his shoulder and started just using his hands.

“I could just call-”

“I can do it.” Tony snapped, throwing up a finger to shush Steve. He went back into the car, pawing through the glove compartment. He came back with a knife and one of Steve’s pens, holding them up like he’d found actual tools. Steve noticed that he’d already gotten dirty with the little work he’d done. Tony dropped to the ground and slid himself under the car like he’d done it a million times.

  “Tony, I could just-”

“This is the most fun I’ve had in a while, don’t take it away from me!” He called from under the car.

 Steve huffed, feeling a little helpless as he let the teenager work. He grabbed his sketchbook from the back seat and sat down on the ground. He flipped to a blank page and started sketching Tony’s legs under the car. Halfway through the drawing he realized he’d drawn this before. He’d waited patiently with sketchbook in hand while Howard worked under a vehicle. There was a comfort in the situation, a scene he hadn’t been allowed to revisit for a while.

 Tony gabbed from under the car, unaware of what Steve was up to, “Nanny’s uptight but she’s a good person. Really not meant for corporate life, she’s too good. She’s persistent though, that’s for fucking sure.”  
 “She does seem like a good person underneath the agenda.” Steve answered.

“She worries a lot.”

 “Sounds like people worry around you a lot.”

“Weird coincidence, huh?” Tony laughed. He wiggled out from under the car, much dirtier than before. Steve let out a laugh at the grease smudge on Tony’s nose. Steve stood and wiped the dirt from Tony’s face. Tony’s eyes crossed trying to see, he reached up and brushed his nose, wiggling the nose ring.

 “Call me old, but I don’t get the nose ring.” Steve said with a sigh.

Tony rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his dark hair, “It was an act rebellion, what else is there to get?”

Steve nodded, this time it was his turn to roll his eyes, “Those tattoos on your chest for the same reason?

Tony smirked, rubbing his hands on his jeans, “You noticed those, huh? No, well..a little bit. Let’s face it, half of my life is done out of spite. But they **do** have a bit more meaning than the nose ring. A little less spite a little more self-expression. Dad hated them just the same, but at least I could hide those.” He said with a sigh as he opened the car door.

“I believe it.” Steve nodded, hugging the sketchbook to his chest, “He liked things pretty traditional.”

“No kidding,” Tony scoffed as he turned the key, holding up his hands like he’d performed a magic trick when it started.

 Steve clapped and handed the hoodie back over “Well done. Thank you for saving the car, even though we could have just called someone.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Tony replied, slumping into the passenger seat.

 

 

 

 When they got home, Bucky was waiting in the living room. He’d originally started in the kitchen and then the dining room that no one ever used but ended up in the living room. Today was one of the days that made him anxious to be alone. He had realized his knee was bouncing and he growled at himself. He got up and paced for a moment then got down on the floor and did push ups. He jumped up when the door opened.

 Steve was laughing when he entered, the sound making Bucky sigh with relief. There were days that he worried Steve wouldn’t come home. So when he came home smiling or laughing it was like all the problems didn’t exist. 

“Everything okay?” 

“Oh, Buck, I’m sorry.” Steve said, suddenly realizing the mistake he had made, “I should have called you, the car broke down.”

 “What?”

“I fixed it.” Tony said as he walked past.

Bucky frowned, “Are you okay?” 

Steve shook his head, taking Bucky’s hand, “No, it just died out, we’re both fine.” 

He nodded, exhaling, “I thought something happened. I mean..I guess something did happen.. I wish you would have called. I was worried.”

   “I’m sorry,” Steve said, pulling his husband forward and kissing his cheek, “I kind of got distracted.” 

Bucky nodded, lips pursed, “Okay..”

“I’m sorry, Buck. Let’s go to bed. I’ll give you a massage.”

Bucky nodded again, glancing in the direction Tony had gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Driving to work the other day I had something I wanted to say here...but I don't remember what it was...so uh.........yeah


	8. Small Touches

 

“How’s it going in there?” Steve asked, toothbrush jumbling up his words. By  _ there _ , he meant Bucky’s brain.

Bucky smirked as Steve’s head poked around the bathroom door. Steve looked like a big dog that just heard his name called. 

“I’m okay tonight.” Bucky lied with a nod, rubbing lotion over his empty shoulder. He felt Steve’s eyes on him so he turned away, “Um, how’d it go today? With the counselor?” 

 He heard Steve spit in the sink, “I don’t really know, he didn’t talk about it and I didn’t want to push him.”

Bucky sniffed. Steve never had any problem pushing him to talk, “Oh.” 

“One step at a time.”

“Right.” He heard his own voice and it made him sigh. He really hadn’t been engaging with his husband lately. He shut the door to their bedroom and shucked off his sweatpants, “Hey, Babe.”

 “Yeah?” 

“Come here.” 

Steve poked his head out of the bathroom again, floss in mouth. His eyes widened when he saw his husband stripping down. He disappeared again to drop the floss and turn off the water, then he was rushing back into the bedroom, tearing off his own shirt. When he got to Bucky he grabbed his face and pulled him forward for a kiss, hungry and needy. 

 “Are you-”

“Shut up.” Bucky shushed, pulling Steve closer with his one arm, “I’m sure I want to have sex with my husband.” 

 Steve smiled, leaning forward to kiss the other, “ I love you, you know.”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve been so great through all this. You’re perfect.” 

Bucky scowled a little as Steve pulled him toward the bed, “Right.”

“I know this has been hard on you, but I really appreciate the effort.”

Bucky shrugged as he pushed Steve into a horizontal position so he could straddle him,“It was something you asked of me.”

Steve smiled, “You’re perfect.”    
“Shush.” Bucky chuckled, leaning down to kiss Steve’s dopey grin. There were days he worried that he was ruining Steve’s life. That he was taking away the possible happiness Steve could find with someone else, someone better, saner. But when Steve smiled at him like that, like he was the only person in the world, he knew his fears were unfounded. 

  
  
  
  
  


     Tony’s eyes squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face in the pillow to escape the sunlight. He let out a little groan as the headache came roaring to life in his brain. He usually didn’t get hangovers, so he could only imagine what he’d done the night before. As usual, he didn’t know where he was. He didn’t recognize the room or the smells. Peering out from under the pillow, he glanced at the person lying next to him. The face was turned away so he couldn’t see who it was. The shoulders he saw were smooth and toned.The room was mostly decorated white and grays, clean and bright. Sleek looking, with little personal touch. His father would have approved. 

    Tony pushed himself up onto his elbows, the headache worsening the second he was up. He winced and grabbed his forehead. The person next to him stirred and Tony went still. He didn’t want to deal with the ‘Good Morning’. He wanted to go home and sleep. Or at the very least find some pain killers. Slowly, trying not to make any noise, he tried to creep out of the bed.  He did feel how tightly wound the sheets were around his ankles. Tangled in the sheets, he tripped and fell onto the floor with a thud. He let out an angry, defeated groan. 

  From the top of the bed, his companion poke his head over the side to see what had made the noise that woke him, “Is the escape plan working?” 

Tony looked up to the face, his brain still fuzzy on the name. He winced as he tried to untangle himself. Looking down at his naked body he saw bruises on his side, bruises where fingers hand been holding tightly. 

  “Oh, I’m sorry about that. I’m afraid I got a little too zealous.” 

Tony waved his hand, “Whatever...Sorry, what’s your name?”

The face smiled, “Victor Shade. I believe the ecstasy was more important than my name last night.”

_ Okay _ , Molly was the culprit. One of them at least. 

 Tony nodded apologetically, “I don’t remember much.” 

“That’s a shame,” Victor said with a slight pout, “It was a good night.”

“Mm.” Tony replied, standing and tossing the demon sheets back at the bed. The other man was older than Tony, maybe at the end of his thirties? He heard Rhodey’s voice in the back of his head pointing out  _ yet again _ that Tony kept ending up in bed with older men.

“Come here.” Victor said, sitting up and holding out his arms, “Please.”

“I really-”

 “I’d like to see your tattoos in the light of day.” 

  Tony looked down at himself and then strode over so Victor could look. He reached up and touched Tony’s skin like he was touching a canvas, fingers delicately dragging across the gear designs. Tony watched the other man’s eyes dart over his body with such intense focus. One hand on placed deliberately on Tony’s hip, he reached up with the other and cautiously brushed over the circular tattoo in the middle of Tony’s chest. 

 “They’re beautiful.” The older man hummed, looking up into his eyes like he was thanking Tony for standing still. He touched Tony in such a tactful way, so aware of any damage he might do. Tony almost found it unnerving. He wished he didn’t feel so terrible, because he would love to be with this man while he could remember it. This much attention  _ had  _ to be good in bed. 

 “I’d like to do this again, sometime,” Victor said, as if he could read Tony’s mind. His fingers brushed down Tony’s arm, taking one of his hands in his.

 Tony nodded, watching the man watch him, his eyes darting over Tony like he was memorizing him.

 

 

Tony made a noise of pain when he shut the car door, “Too loud..” 

“Serves you right.” Rhodey said, driving off the second Tony was in the car, “You’ve got to find yourself someone else to taxi you around when you’re hungover.”

Tony didn’t respond, knowing the words weren’t true, Rhodey would do anything for him.

“So who’s house was that? Nice looking place.”

“Older guy.” Tony mumbled, pulling his legs up under him, sinking lower in the seat.

Rhodey rolled his eyes, “Of course. You’ve got such a type.”

“I do not.” 

 “Yeah, okay.” Rhodey scoffed, “You just accidentally keep sleeping with men twice your age? Better get that checked out.” 

 “Listen, I don’t discriminate, I end up with-”

“Whoever’s willing at the time.” Rhodey offered. He didn’t speak for a while, letting Tony melt into the passenger seat, “Tony, you really should start...paying better attention.”

“To what?”

“To your life.” He said seriously, “Do you even remember last night?”

“Of course I do.” Tony lied, crossing his arms defensively. 

Rhodey gave him a disbelieving look before turning his eyes back to the road, “One of these days you’re going to get hurt.” 

 Rhodey felt like a broken record, having had this conversation with Tony many times before. 

   No one rushed at him when he entered the house. The house was oddly silent when he arrived, actually, but he welcomed it. He climbed the stairs and dragged himself down the hall to his room where he flung himself on the bed. He groaned, realizing he wasn’t going to be able to sleep with this headache. He pulled himself back up and rummaged in a drawer, digging out a bottle of painkillers. He popped two in his mouth and swallowed them dry, a talent he’d learned a long time ago. He then fell back onto the bed, leaving on his day old clothes without a care. He wasn’t sure if he had grabbed painkillers or muscle relaxers but he was soon out in a dreamless coma. 

  He woke hours later in a sweat. He sat up and peeled off his shirt, flinging it across the room and then wiggling out of his pants. He wrapped a towel around himself and exited the room for the bathroom. He almost fell asleep in the shower. He had it as hot as it could go, burning his skin. He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair, the hot water soaking some of his aches away. He didn’t actually like showering. He always wanted to fall asleep in the warm steam. 

 When he stepped out of the shower he looked down at the bruises on his hips, giving out a little sigh. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had sober sex. Back when his parents were still alive. At least three weeks. He couldn’t remember before. He toweled off his wet hair as he tried to remember the day before he’d been told about his parent’s car accident. He must have been high. He  _ must  _ have been, but he couldn’t remember. He could remember the day after with vivid color. He remembered the way his tongue went dry and the way his ears had started ringing, the ache in his chest as the contents of his stomach had come up. He shook his head as he wrapped the towel around his waist, he didn’t want to remember. He exited the bathroom, finally hearing other voices in the house. 

  In his own room , he had intentions of putting on clothes but he sat on the bed and lost all motivation to move. His chest ached and his eyes felt heavy. He leaned forward, cradling his head in his hands. 

“Tony,”Steve knocked on the doorframe as he came in, halting when he realized Tony was half naked, “Oh- sorry.”

Tony looked up and frowned in confusion, “For what--oh, get over yourself. You’ve seen naked men before, or that was my assumption since you’ve got a husband.” 

 Steve cleared his throat, placing his hands on his hips, “Tony, I want to talk about last night.”

Tony closed his eyes for a moment as Steve continued, “We’re not trying to keep you here. But we want to know where you are, especially if you’re going to be out all night.” 

 Tony nodded, “Okay.” 

Steve frowned in disbelief, “Really?” 

“No,” Tony sighed honestly, standing, “Probably not. I’ve never understood rules, well _that’s_ not true, I understand rules I just don’t like being told what to do. And the whole world seems to take it as a challenge, like I  _ need _ to be broken just because I’m too wild for everyone else.”

 Steve was about to reply when Tony’s movements drew his eye to his bare torso. He frowned and moved forward, “Are those bruises?” He reached out and touched Tony’s side, his other hand looping around Tony’s back to hold him in place when he started to pull away, “Stop, what are these?” He kneeled down to see better, a move that made Tony’s eyes widen. Steve down on his knees was too dangerous a sight while Tony was only wearing a towel. Steve twirled him around with ease to examine his other side, “Tony, is someone hurting you?” 

 Tony chuckled, “No, Steve. You’d probably call these love marks? Something weird like that.” 

Steve’s eyes popped and he shot up, “Oh!” 

  Tony smirked, crossing his arms over his chest, “But hey, they still hurt. If you wanna keep rubbing me, be my guest.” 

Steve’s ears turned pink and he cleared his throat again, “Um that was..consensual right?” 

Tony gave Steve a dumb look, “I’m really starting to worry about your perception of me.” 

“Well-”

“Steve,” Tony smiled, “Do you really think I’d let anything happen to me if I don’t want it?” 

Steve sighed, sitting down on the bed, “I think you’ve convinced yourself that.”

The smirk fell from Tony’s face, “Nobody touches me unless I want it.” Both could hear the lie in that statement. Tony shrugged, grabbing his pants from the floor. Steve quickly turned his head as Tony let the towel drop. Tony glanced over and smiled at how Steve was making a show of not looking.

He sighed, rolling his eyes but sort of appreciating Steve’s attempt to honor his privacy, “I’m  _ decent _ .” 

Steve turned back, feeling his face flush, “Tony-”

“I’m fine, Steve.” Tony replied, plopping down onto the bed next to the older man, letting himself fall back.

  “I have a feeling you say that a lot.” Steve huffed, he looked down at Tony, trying desperately not to stare at his chest, even though the artist in him wanted to examine the intricate tattoos, “So, you uh, like..that sort of thing?”

He felt stupid asking, but he was genuinely curious.

 Tony smirked and opened his eyes to look back up at Steve, “Yeah, sometimes.” 

“Is that why...the scars and the burn? You _like_ pain?” Steve asked cautiously.

 Tony pursed his lips and shook his head, “No, I don’t like pain. Well..I mean, it was a..kind of like a drug, a distraction.” 

 Steve was frowning while Tony spoke. He glanced over at the pack of cigarettes on Tony’s nightstand, surprised when he remember that it was the same brand Howard used to smoke. That made sense, his first cigarette must have come from Howard, or stealing from Howard. 

 “I just can’t help it sometimes,” Tony said softly, like he’d forgotten Steve was listening. He sat up and raked a hand through his hair with a sigh, “I need a distraction now. I hate being sober.”

Steve frowned sympathetically, “You’re still grieving.” 

“I’m not.” Tony snapped, “This isn’t what my grieving looks like. But how would you know? You don’t fucking know me.”

 “Take it easy.” Steve retorted, “I’m trying to get to know you, if you hadn’t  _ noticed _ .”

Tony bit his tongue and sighed again, “Sorry, sorry..I get, mean when I’m sober.”

Steve gave him a begrudging look, but he understood, “That why you try not to be?”

“One of the reasons.” Tony shrugged. He ran his hand through his hair again, this time Steve noticed that it was shaking.

 “Would you be interested in going to see your parents?”

He saw Tony tense, “Not really.”

“Well, would you come with me, then? I kind of need some closure.” 

 “Right.” Tony scoffed.

Steve shrugged, “I feel cheated out of a goodbye.”

Tony looked away, “Whatever.”

 He stood and walked over to his closet, grabbing the first thing he saw and pulling it over his head. It was a gray hoodie with a low v neck, still showing off Tony’s collar bones, “I don’t need closure.”

 Steve sighed, “Tony, it’s okay not to-”

“No,” Tony interrupted, hands on his hips, “that’s the thing, you don’t know me well enough to know that it’s not okay. I can’t just  _ grieve _ ! It’s not...We weren’t normal, I can’t just cry about it. My father... _ God _ you must have been fucking masochistic to have been with him willingly. When I fucking overdosed last year he....” 

His rant tapered off as his breath got caught in his throat and a sob escaped his lips, “He didn’t care about me, so I-I can’t fucking care about him.” 

 Steve stood as tears started to fall from Tony’s eyes and Tony’s hands went up to his face. When Tony let out another sob Steve strode forward and pulled Tony in with his arms. Tony didn’t try to yank away like he’d expected, Tony folded and cried against his chest. Steve held him tight, like Tony might melt if he didn’t.

 

“Sorry for leaking on you.” Tony said, rubbing his cheek with the back of his hand, still leaning against Steve’s big chest. Steve had let Tony cry for a while before he redirected him over to the bed, just in case his legs gave out under him. Steve still had both arms wrapped around him, holding him close in case he had to fall apart again. 

“It’s fine.” Steve replied, “I’m actually glad you did.”

Tony pursed his lips, “I haven’t been crying about it. I think this is only the second time. I’ve been keeping myself very sedated.” 

 Steve frowned at the way Tony said  _ sedated _ , “That’s not healthy, Tony.” 

Tony nodded, “That’s what the shrink said. Rhodey too, Rhodey’s always the voice of reason.”

“And Johnny? He hasn’t been hanging around.” 

Tony made a face and shrugged, “He’s got other things to do.”

Steve didn’t pry any further. Tony sighed, tired from the emotional drain crying had had on him. He leaned his head against Steve’s shoulder, inhaling his smell. He smelled like sandalwood, a personal favorite of Tony’s. 

  He looked up, making Steve look down in response, “You smell nice.”

“Do I?” Steve smiled.

 Tony smiled back at him, “Mhm.” 

Tony found himself shockingly calm, and warm. Steve had a lot of body heat and it felt nice to snuggle against him. 

 “Have you eaten today?” Steve suddenly frowned.

Tony smirked, “Stop mothering me, please.” 

“Well have you?” 

 “No.” Tony shrugged.

“Well, there we go.” Steve said, trying to stand but Tony yanked him back down onto the bed.

“I just want to stay here.”

“You’ll pass out.” 

  Tony waved his hand, “Not because of  _ that _ .” 

Steve gave Tony a disapproving look and pulled him to a standing position, “Come on, let’s go find you something to eat.” 

 Tony whined but let Steve drag him, “Are you going to make me eat a protein shake? I don’t want a protein shake.”

 Steve laughed, “They’re actually really good!”

“Lies,” Tony mumbled, shaking his head as he followed down the stairs, “All lies.” 

 “No, seriously with blueberries! I’m making one now.”

Tony made a face, “ _ Man _ . Couldn’t you at least have a dog to slip it to?”

When they got to the kitchen Tony looked around, “Where’s Buckface.”

 Steve didn’t answer at first, he waited a moment, searching through the fridge, “He’s at Sam’s.” 

Tony nodded, feeling the shift in Steve’s tone, “Sooooo, wouldn’t you rather eat roast chicken with fennel panzanella? Doesn’t that sound better than a shake?”

 “I’ve already decided I’m making one for you to try, you just have to try it.” Steve said, pulling out frozen blueberries. 

 Tony whined again, leaning back against the counter. He watched Steve pull out ingredients like he was about to make some masterpiece artwork, “I don’t like bananas.” 

“You really won’t taste them, besides they’re good for you.”

Tony was about to answer with a comment about his cocaine use but he decided against it, “Do you make Bucky eat these?”

 “Yes.”

Tony shook his head, walking over with his arms crossed, one elbow bumping against Steve’s, “Good thing you’re pretty, Rogers.”

 Steve smiled, happy that Tony was interacting, joking even. He was kind of worried that once Tony let out all the sadness he’d been holding onto that he would stay that way, “Good thing you’ve got your winning personality to fall back on.” 

 Tony laughed, holding his chest, “Ouch!”

There was brief knock on the front door and then they heard, “Friend not foe!” 

Natasha strode into the kitchen like she owned the place, making a brief face at the sight of the blender, “Ooh, Steve, famous protein shakes?”

“Why does everyone judge my shakes?!” 

“See, now if the skinny woman doesn’t like the shakes I’m definitely not going to.” Tony said. 

  “They’re good, I swear!” Steve pouted, “Nat liked that strawberry one!”

She shrugged, opening the fridge to peer inside, “Maybe.”

  Steve blended yogurt, frozen blueberries, chocolate protein powder and a little tofu then poured it into three- two glasses at Natasha’s refusal. He handed one to Tony who looked skeptical.

 “Is it really suppose to be this color?” 

“Just drink it,” Steve pleaded, smiling when Tony did. 

Tony paused, then shrugged, “Not as bad as I was expecting.”

 Steve beamed, “See! Good, I’m glad. Well now I know what to make when-”

“Let’s not get crazy.” Tony laughed, taking another sip.

  Natasha’s eyes darted between the two, watching their body language.

“I haven’t seen you spit it out yet.”

 “Just as a courtesy.” Tony smirked, brushing by Steve as he turned.

Natasha’s eyes narrowed. She gave Steve a pointed look, but the grinning face didn't’ seem to notice.

 They all frowned when there was another knock at the door. Natasha raised her eyebrows, “Expecting someone else?”

 “No?” Steve replied, wiping his hands on a towel before walking off.

Natasha turned her gaze to Tony, eyes darting over him like she was searching for clues. He frowned back at her, challenging whatever she had in her mind.

 Steve returned, looking annoyed, with Obadiah Stane, “Tony, Mr. Stane is here to speak with you.”

 Tony’s lips pursed and pushed away from the counter to follow when Obadiah waved him over. Steve watched Tony as he passed, a slight frown on his lips. Natasha watched them as well, then turned to face Steve, “What are you doing?”

“Hm?” 

 “Steve.” She gave him the same pointed look, “Don’t be stupid.”

“What?”

In the room across the hall Obadiah shut the door, making Tony feel claustrophobic, a feeling he tried not to show.

 “Why  _ exactly _ , weren’t you at the meeting on Monday?” 

“I had somewhere else to be.”

 “This is your  _ job _ , you show up, look pretty and then you can leave and drown yourself in whatever or whoever.” 

“I had somewhere else to be.” Tony repeated, crossing his arms as Obadiah paced. 

“And where was that? Hm? Who’s buying your drugs, Tony?” He strode over, taking Tony’s chin in hand, “Who pays for all that? If you want this allowance, you’ll show up when  **I** say. And you’ll  **do** what I say.”

Tony pursed his lips, glaring back at the other without blinking, “So take the money away.” 

Obadiah laughed, “How you manage yourself here is beyond me, but we both know how much you depend on money. How about school? Would you like me to yank you out of there?”

  “So do it!” Tony snapped, yanking away, “I don’t  _ need _ you.” 

“Just like you didn’t need Daddy to bail you out at every turn?” Obadiah barked a laugh, “What’s going to happen when you fall down and these two can’t pick you up? You’re going to come running back to me, begging me-” He grabbed Tony’s hand and pressing it against his own groin, “ _ begging _ me to make it better.” 

 Tony yanked away, “Go fuck yourself.” 

Obadiah’s hand flew forward and struck Tony’s face. The force of it making Tony step back. Lips pursed and he turned back to face the other without any trace of pain in his features, a look he’d spent years perfecting. 

Obadiah smirked, “Always could take a hit, couldn’t you?” 

“You won’t get a second one in.” Tony growled, the bluff making the other man laugh.

“Oh Tony, we both know I can get it  _ in _ just fine. Maybe we should have a little  _ meeting _ of our own, so  you can be reminded, hm?”  

 Tony turned and walked out of the room, striding to the kitchen to grab the drink Steve had made him. Steve took Tony’s wrist, turning him around to see the red mark on his cheek. 

 “Tony-” 

Tony yanked away and disappeared. Steve glanced at Natasha before he turned and hastened by her. Obaidah was almost at the door when Steve caught up to him.

“Mr. Stane, I do wish you would just call if you’re going to upset Tony.”

“Oh, he-”

 “He’s still very fragile, no matter what front he puts on. So if you’d be so kind, I’m asking you not to come by again. Let’s not forget who his guardian actually is.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify, I don't think there's going to be any kind of happy ending for this one. We're digging the hole too deep.


	9. Rough Night

“I think he’s right,” Rhodey shrugged, bending over to grab a fallen hoodie on the floor. Tony looked up to roll his eyes at the other but laughed when he saw Rhodey cleaning up his room, “I think you  _ should _ go see your parents.” 

 “Mausoleums don’t sound fun.”

“Not everything has to be fun.” Rhodey replied, starting to fold the clothes he had gathered from the floor.

 “Mm, you gonna get that tattooed somewhere?” Tony asked with a grin.

“It might be good for you.”

Tony let out an exasperated sound, lying back on the bed, “ _ Good for you _ . I don’t want to.”

“I see that.” 

 Bucky, who was passing by on his way to the laundry room, let out a snort, “You really  _ are _ his keeper, aren’t you?

“ _ I’ve _ got one,  **you’ve** got one!” Tony called, lips forming a sneer.

Rhodey frowned and threw a shirt at Tony, “Stop it.” He grabbed a clock and handed it to the other, “Here, take this apart.” 

 Tony smirked at how well Rhodey knew him, he did as he was told and started taking the clock apart like he was opening a wrapper. Rhodey sighed and kept folding clothes, “Have you talked to Johnny?” 

 “You know I haven’t.” Tony answered, not looking up.

“You should. I  **know** you miss him.”

“Nope.” Tony shook his head like a child. 

 Rhodey frowned, “Yeah? So let’s find you a new boyfriend.”

“He’s not-”

“Maybe someone that can actually hold you down.”

“Well if that’s all it takes..” Tony laughed, making Rhodey glare at him.

“I’m serious, I think you should at least try to get serious with someone.”

“Why are you always trying to marry me off? How about I just date you? That way you can have all the control you want.”

 “I wouldn’t do that to myself.” Rhodey snorted. He paused before he continued, “I’m pretty sure Johnny’s playing with Wanda’s band again in a club in downtown Boston tonight.”

Tony huffed, “Subtle, Rhodes.” 

 Rhodey really didn’t think Johnny was a good influence on Tony, not that Tony really needed any influence for his bad behavior. But he was the closest thing Tony had ever had to a stable relationship and Rhodey didn’t want to see it thrown away. 

“While I’m not suggesting you  _ rush _ into an apology, because we both know you never do anything wrong and are sent straight from heaven,” The sarcasm making Tony laugh, “but I think you should go see him. Let him remember how much he loves your ass-”

 “Everyone  _ does _ love my ass,” Tony nodded in agreement. He sighed at the clock he had already put back together and stood, “I could use some club life.” 

Rhodey smirked, “That’s what I thought.” 

 Steve wasn’t home, so Tony saw no reason to explain where he was going. 

“We don’t need GPS,” Tony scoffed as Rhodey turned on the car.

“I do. I’ve heard of the place, but I’ve never been there.”

“Of  _ course  _ Wanda’s band would play at a club named RED.” Tony huffed as he pulled up the GPS app on Rhodey’s phone. 

 “Girl does love that color,” Rhodey nodded as he pulled the car out of the driveway. 

It took a while to get there, Tony chattering away in the passenger seat. 

“Please don’t get wasted or lost.” Rhodey begged, eyes squinting as he searched for a place to park. 

 “ **You** don’t get lost.” Tony mocked, “Why don’t you find someone to go home with tonight?”

“So you could walk home? Yeah, right.” Rhodey laughed.

Tony rolled his eyes as he stepped from the car, “You need to get a life. If you’re not going to date me you should find someone else to warm your bed. Always giving me speeches about settling down.” 

 “Because you need to calm down and I think-”

“I have you for that.”

Rhodey made an ugly noise that Tony chose to ignore. At the door, all Tony had to do was flash a smile and they were let in. It never ceased to amaze Rhodey how slick Tony could get when he wanted something. He hadn’t been carded in months because of that foxy grin and there was something seriously sad about that fact.

 The club wasn’t the sort they usually went to, the kind that pumped the music so loud you couldn’t hear your own thoughts and lights so blinding you couldn’t see who you were dancing with. This one had a different atmosphere, darker and less manic. The shadowy club had accents of red all through it, true to it’s name. On the stage, their friend Wanda was dancing with a microphone stand, her skirts swishing around her knees. She grinned and pointed at them when she saw them. 

 Johnny didn’t seem to see them, eyes focused on the guitar in his hands. Rhodey glanced over at Tony, watching him watch Johnny up on the stage. Coming here had been a good idea. When the band finished, Tony and Johnny would fall right back into each other. The song changed into something slower, different than their usual sort of song. It had a bluesy feel. Wanda started the song, swaying as she sang about a cold blooded man. Wanda always danced like she was trying to cast a spell over the crowd

Eventually, Johnny’s eyes caught sight of Tony. He held Tony’s gaze but didn’t smile back when Tony did. While Johnny wrote songs, he didn’t usually sing, so when he started singing along with her it was a surprise. They sang about a person who would rip out your heart with a smile, a person who would drive you insane to cure their own boredom. Tony recognized Johnny’s writing. Tony recognized the subject of the song. 

  Rhodey grimaced at the way Tony’s lips pursed, staring back at Johnny who hadn’t broke eye contact once while he sang. This song was definitely written for Tony. The song turned out to be the last song of their set, Wanda thanked the crowd and did one last twirl. She hopped off the stage and rushed over to hug Rhodey and Tony.

 “Boys! I’m so glad you came!” 

“The music has definitely gone through some changes!” Rhodey replied.

 She nodded, “Oh for sure! We’re turning into a different kind of band! I’m digging it.” Wanda’s face suddenly fell at the sullen expression on Tony’s face, “Oh, Sweets, I haven’t seen you since...I’m really sorry for your loss, Sweets.” 

 Tony nodded, giving her a small smile, “I’m alright, Darling. You sounded gorgeous.”

She beamed and looked over her shoulder at Johnny, motioning for him to come see their friends. 

 “I’ve got to pack up, Wan.” He called.

Tony pursed his lips again and passed by Wanda. He walked up to the stage and crossed his arms.

 “Getting a bit angsty with your songs now, huh?” 

“Just the one.” Johnny answered as he eased the guitar into it’s case. He looked up to meet Tony’s gaze, “Why? Get your feelings hurt?” 

 “No.” Tony huffed, puffing himself up. 

Johnny shrugged, wrapping up a cord, “I didn’t know you’d be here to hear it.” 

 “So I’m  _ not  _ just being vain thinking this song is about me?” Tony asked.

“Oh you’re definitely vain, but yes, the song is about you.” He made a face when he looked at Tony, “You lashed out, now so am I.”

“I didn’t put it to music.” Tony snapped.

“What do you want me to say? You want me to apologize?” Johnny laughed, people starting to look at them, “Because I’m not going to. You were a dick. If you’re going to treat me like just another hookup, that’s how I’m going to treat you. Why are you even here? Did you finally run out of drugs or something?” 

  Tony had been ready to--no not apologize--make nice when they had first arrived. But now he was three seconds away from strangling Johnny with his own guitar strap.

“Let’s be realistic, Johnny,” Tony said, his voice gaining that nasty tone he got when he was angry, “If you were just another hookup I wouldn’t be stringing you along. You’re my special plaything, it’s  _ entertainment _ .” 

 Johnny’s eyes narrowed as he shifted the guitar case over his shoulder, “Yeah well, that’s not surprising. You are a  **child** .” 

  
  
  
  


Bucky sighed as he picked up the phone, his “Hello?” sounding more like a “What?”.

 On the other end he heard a sigh, “It’s Tony..is Steve there?”

“No.” Bucky answered flatly.

There was silence on the other end and then another sigh, “I need a ride..and I need it without questions.” 

Of course. He’d gotten too wasted or his ass was in jail or something. This kid was too much. 

“Do I need to bring bail money?”

“No.” Tony’s tone was different, kind of bashful, a color he’d never seen on Tony before.

 He let out another sigh and agreed. He got the address and hung up, grumbling to himself on the way to the car. This really was more Steve’s speed. He thought about trying to give Steve a call to tell him but he shrugged off the thought. 

 After a half hour of driving and swearing to himself about the “FUCKING DISTANCE!” he saw what had to be Tony sitting on the curb. He pulled up next to him and got out. Tony had been curled in on himself, looking cold. He looked up at the sound and stood, the hood of his sweatshirt falling back. Bucky froze when he saw the cut on Tony’s lip, the bruise forming on his chin and neck, and the way he was favoring his left arm close to his chest.

 “What happened?” 

“Nothing, let’s go.”

Bucky grabbed Tony’s hoodie and pulled him back to get a better look at him. Tony’s eyes averted as Bucky looked at his face. He made Tony lift his chin and saw him wince.

“Who did this?” Bucky inhaled and started back toward the building they were standing in front of, heat rising in his stomach as he clenched his fists, ready to do harm,“ _ This _ where it happened?”

Tony darted after him, “No. No, come on, can we just go home.” 

Bucky looked back at Tony’s pleading face and relented. They got in the car and drove off, Bucky still fuming.

 “What happened?” He asked again, glancing over at Tony who looked small in the passenger seat. 

“You agreed to no questions.” Tony muttered, shoulders hitching up around his ears. 

That was true. And maybe that’s what Tony needed right now. Bucky sighed and turned his eyes back to the road, “Well, you better be ready for questions when  _ Steve  _ sees you.” 

Tony didn’t reply so Bucky let the silence grow for the remainder of the ride. Tony didn’t make any snappy comments. He was actually breathing pretty heavily, Bucky realized, like he was stressed.

 “What part of the arm?”    
“What?” Tony asked, turning to face the other.

 “What part of the arm is hurting you?”

Tony looked down at himself, pausing, “Wrist.”

Bucky inhaled, telling himself to calm down. Wrist meant someone had been holding him down. If he flipped out it would only upset Tony and he didn’t need that. If he could keep calm until they got home, everything would be fine.

When they entered the house Tony tried to go straight upstairs but Bucky grabbed his elbow and steered him back toward the kitchen. 

“Hey,” Steve said, greeting them both with a smile, “Where we--What’s wrong?” He broke off when he saw Bucky’s face. He looked at Tony and rushed forward, “What happened?”

“I’m fine,” Tony insisted, sliding out of Steve’s grasp.

“No you’re not fine! You’re fucking bleeding.”

 “The cut isn’t actually bleeding anymore.” Tony huffed as Steve pulled him back.

Steve let out an angry noise, “You’re insufferable, you know that! How did this happen?” 

 Bucky gently pushed Steve out of the way and pushed Tony to sit in one of the chairs. Grabbing a bottle from a high cupboard, he poured whiskey that Steve didn’t realize they had into a shot glass and handed it to the teenager. He then kneeled and rolled up Tony’s sleeve so he could examine his arm.

 “Who did this to you, Tony?” Steve asked, hands on his hips as he started to pace. 

Tony downed the whiskey but didn’t look up, wincing when Bucky touched his wrist. 

“Probably sprained,” Bucky said softly, more to himself than anyone else in the room.

Steve sucked in air and clenched his fists, “Tony, answer me.”

 “I. Don’t. Know.” Tony snapped, “I didn’t catch their names.”

“There was more than one?”

 Tony frowned, realizing what he’d said. He pursed his lips and turned his head like he wasn't interested in the conversation anymore. 

Steve frowned, “Tony-”

 “I wasn’t attacked, Steve.”

Bucky’s hands froze for a moment.

“Then what happened?! Why do you look like this?”

Tony sighed in annoyance, finally meeting Steve’s eyes with a defiant look. Howard used to give Steve that look when he was about to say something nasty, “Because sex got too rough, okay? I don’t remember safe words when I’m high.” 

 He regretted the words as soon as he spoke them. The look on Steve’s face wasn’t what Tony wanted. 

Bucky looked over at Steve who had stopped pacing. He stood and walked over to the fridge to get an ice pack. He handed it over to Tony then bent down to look at his cut lip in the light. Tony winced and yanked away. Bucky shushed him while Steve just stared at the two. 

 “Are you being serious with me?” Steve said finally, “This was consensual?” 

I wouldn’t say that. Tony thought to himself as he shrugged back at the older man.

 “Do you even remember?” Bucky asked, the sudden question making Tony look down at him.

Tony gave him a glare and rolled his eyes, but he didn’t answer. 

Steve crossed his arms over his chest, “Tony, promise me that you’re not making this up.”

Tony scoffed, “What? Don’t believe me?”

 “No, I don’t.” Steve answered, shaking his head, “You dull your pain too much for me to believe that you’d go searching for it like that. I think you’re just trying to pretend you’ve got everything under control.” 

 The comment made Tony avert his eyes, his cheeks turning a little pinker. 

Steve made another noise of annoyance, turning and washing his hands for no reason. Bucky sighed and stood, “Those are going to bruise.”

Tony was surprised Bucky was acting so calm, he’d expected them to gang up on him at the same time. But Bucky was almost being nurturing. He looked over at Steve, whose fists were still clenched. 

 “Can I go?” 

Steve shot him a glare then looked over at Bucky, “Should we take him to the hospital?” 

Bucky shrugged, “His wrist doesn't need a splint. The swelling should go down on his face, if it doesn’t we can. Unless he wants to go to the hospital.”

 “I do not.” 

“Shush.” Steve said, pointing a finger at Tony, making Tony sneer.

“Some painkillers and rest,” Bucky said with another shrug. 

Steve sighed and nodded, prompting Tony to stand. He stood faster than he meant to and it hurt, he closed his eyes for a moment but tried not to let it show. He turned and exited the kitchen. Steve exhaled like he’d been holding his breath the entire time, “God, why is he so..ugh! Why can’t he just let us help him?!” 

Bucky strode forward and wrapped his arms around the other. Steve always took it personally when someone he cared about was hurt. 

 “He’s so pigheaded!” Steve grumbled into Bucky’s shoulder, “Just like his fucking father was!” 

 Bucky tensed slightly, “I don’t know, maybe he’s telling the truth but..”

Steve almost wished Tony was lying. For some reason he would have prefered if Tony had been randomly attacked. It made him ache to think that he got that injured because of a sexual encounter. With more than one person her reminded himself. He shivered and hugged Bucky closer.

 

 

   The next morning Tony woke with a groan. His body ached all over and his throat was sore. He rolled out of bed, his body crying out as he did so, and reached for his bottle of painkillers. He was going to have to buy more. He peeled off his clothes, complaining to himself, on his way to the bathroom. He turned on the shower and stepped inside, moaning as the heat poured down his body. 

 We’re not going to do that again. He told himself, raking a hand through his hair, sending water down his back. Last night was a mess, and proved that he needed more people he could contact if his close friends were occupied. He was glad Rhodey had been busy, it meant he’d actually hooked up with the girl he’d been speaking to. But it had been humiliating having to ask Bucky for help. The thought of asking Steve had been embarrassing enough, but when Bucky answered it was degrading. 

   He hadn’t intended for things to get so out of hand, he never did. But it was hard to control the situation when was so out of it. He lifted his hand and looked at his wrist, a cuff-like bruise had formed. He closed his eyes and sighed, thinking about going back to sleep. His body could use the extra rest. He stepped out of the shower, rubbing down his body with a towel that he then wrapped around his waist. Definitely going back to bed.

   There was a knock on his door and then Steve was poking in his head, “Hey, can I come in?”

Tony chuckled a little and tried to say something about how Steve was always walking in when Tony was naked, but he coughed instead, his vocal chords not working correctly. What the hell?

Steve inhaled sharply, his face scrunching up in an angry frown as he looked at Tony, “God..”

Tony coughed again, “What?” His voice coming out like a smoker’s whisper. Smoke, yes, a cigarette would be good right now.

  Steve strode forward so fast it made Tony jump a little. One hand on his shoulder, Steve touched Tony’s chin to lift his face so he could look at his neck, “Tony..Jesus, it looks terrible.”

Tony hadn’t looked in a mirror yet, so he didn’t know what Steve was seeing, but the way the older man looked ready to cry or hit something was a good indicator.

 “I’m *cough* fine.” Tony forced the words out.

“Shut up.” Steve sighed angrily, gently turning Tony’s face to examine the other side. Tony was really curious what it looked like and wanted to go check a mirror. Frowning, Steve stepped back, circling Tony to check for other injuries. He made angry noises every time he saw a bruise, “Seriously, this is ridiculous.” 

He sounded so angry, but his hands were so delicate as he touched Tony, the combination was confusing. Steve let out a frustrated sigh, dipping down to his knees--God there he was on his knees again--to look at the marks on Tony’s lower half. 

 “I know you think you can handle yourself, but this is..too much.” 

Tony realized his own breathing had changed, suddenly heavier. His skin felt hot where Steve’s fingers touched him. 

He opened his mouth to speak but Steve shushed him again, “Just be quiet, you’re going to hurt yourself.” 

 And Tony stayed quiet. Letting Steve check him over, if only to feel his hands. Steve smelled like….sandalwood, definitely sandalwood. Tony sucked in his breath, Steve’s face so close to his groin.

 Steve’s left hand touched Tony’s stomach while the other turned him. It wasn’t an intimate motion, but it made Tony’s skin tingle. So many people had touched his body over the years, it was a daily occurrence, but Steve’s hands felt different. He felt shy and excited and  _ stupid _ . Every time Steve scowled at a bruise, Tony felt like he was disappointing him in some way. But so what if he was?

 “Listen,” Steve said with another sigh as he stood, “I  **know** you’re going to do whatever you want, but  _ please _ , make sure you’re safe. This...I can’t stand the thought of someone hurting you.” 

 Tony nodded, frozen as Steve’s blue eyes stared into him. He lifted Tony’s left hand, gentle and careful of his wrist, “Does it hurt?”

 Tony shrugged while Steve turned over his hand in his own. Steve’s eyes flicked up from Tony’s hand to his face and a tiny smile appeared on his face, “Never any weaknesses, huh? Isn’t that the Stark way..” He mumbled the last part of his sentence. He released Tony’s hand and Tony felt a pang of disappointment, not wanting to give up the contact. He wanted more. He wanted to feel Steve’s hands all over his body.

  “Tea and honey would help that throat.” Steve said. Tony had a response about his throat on hand but stayed silent, “If I make some, will you drink it?”

Tony nodded and couldn’t help smiling when Steve smiled at him. Fuck.

Steve left to go make tea and Tony exhaled. He didn’t like this feeling, whatever it was. It made him feel dumb. He knew in his heart that he was smarter than Steve, but for some reason he worried about looking stupid in front of him. It was amazing Steve hadn’t seen how hard his dick was through the towel. If he had, he’d kept silent about it. Probably because he was such a fucking gentleman.

 He picked up his phone from the bedstand and pulled up Johnny’s number.

Tony : We aren’t fighting anymore. Come over. 

He stared at his phone, waiting for Johnny to answer. And of course, Johnny  **was** making him wait.

Johnny : Okay.

 

 

 

When Bucky opened the door to find Johnny on the other side he narrowed his eyes.

 “Hi, is Ton-”

“Were you with Tony last night?”

Johnny frowned, “I saw him-”

“If you had anything to do with  _ that _ ,” He gestured into the house, “I’ll make sure you never walk again.” 

Johnny’s eyes widened, “Do do with what?”

Bucky, eyes still slits, turned away, letting Johnny welcome himself in, “He’s in the living room.” 

 Stepping in, Johnny strode forward, finding Tony on the couch, ripping apart a fan. Bucky, arms crossed, leaned against the doorframe as if to guard Johnny. Tony looked up and smiled at the other, his lips turning up in that foxy grin he always wore. Johnny inhaled when he saw Tony, who looked so small with his legs tucked under him. He frowned, rushing forward, kneeling in front of him, arms reaching up to touch but halting for fear of hurting Tony. 

 “Are you okay?” He asked, the gentle tone surprising Bucky. He’d expected more rage out of the emotional friend.

 Tony nodded, “I’m fine.” His voice sounding hoarse.

Johnny frowned, shaking his head as he delicately touched Tony’s chin and neck. Tony turned his face as he reached for a mug that had been resting on the coffee table. He took a sip, then leaned forward to kiss the other.

  “Tony..I shouldn’t have been like that yesterday.” 

“You think you can take credit for this? You only wrote a song!” Tony huffed, “It was just a rough night.”

Johnny let out an angry sigh, “ _ Rough night _ ..you’re ridiculous.” 

“I’ve had worse and you know it.” Tony replied, taking another drink from his mug. He let out a cough and Johnny squirmed, “I’m  _ fine _ .”

Tony stood, “Come on, Lurch is freaking me out over there.”

He took Johnny’s hand and led him out past Bucky who watched them go. Johnny let Tony lead him up the stairs to his room. Once the door was shut Tony pulled him into a kiss.

“Whoa, are you sure?” Johnny pulled away, “You’re looking pretty...fragile.”

Tony frowned up at him, “I asked you over because, yes, I  **am** hurting. Are you going to make me feel better or not?” 

 Johnny sighed, pulling a plastic bag from his pocket, “Take one of these first.”

Tony smiled, leaning up to kiss Johnny’s cheek, “You’re my favorite, you know that right?” 

Tony popped a pill into his own mouth, then slipped one into Johnny’s. Johnny wished Tony would at least ask what it was before he took it. He told himself it was just because Tony trusted him so much. Tony leaned up, kissing Johnny, pulling him backward toward the bed. He pulled Johnny on top of him, Johnny’s hands leading by memory. 

 A voice in the back of Tony’s head asked him how he could possibly want sex after last night, a voice that sounded like Rhodey’s, but he shrugged it off, burying himself in Johnny. Johnny was delicate with him and Tony was grateful. 

“I missed you,” Johnny whispered into Tony’s neck before he sat up and peeled off his shirt.

Tony smiled up at him, “Of course you did.” 

 That comment annoyed Johnny. Tony said stuff like that all the time, he was used to it. But he wished Tony could have replied in a different way. He wanted Tony to push him off and cry in his arms, he would rather see the vulnerable side of Tony. When Tony removed his own shirt Johnny saw the hidden bruises. He leaned forward, kissing the purple skin. Tony wriggled under his touch, closing his eyes and purring. 

 As Johnny’s lips slid down his torso, Tony’s back arched. Johnny’s fingers slid Tony’s sweatpants from his hips, kissing his thighs. Tony got a whiff of sandalwood, or his brain was simply fooling him. Either way, it made him whine. 

 Johnny glanced up and smiled, not knowing that Tony’s thoughts were elsewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I send the chapters to an individual before I ever post and sometimes I forget that I have to post. Whoops.


	10. Basic Nutrition

“Hey,” Steve said softly, knocking on the door frame to the garage. At first Tony looked annoyed at being interrupted, but then his face brightened.

 “Hey,” He replied, pushing himself out from under the car.

“How’s it going?” Steve motioned to the vehicle.

Tony shrugged as he stood, “I used to have a lab to play with, so messing with the car is...she doesn’t even _need_ tweaking, I’m just breaking things so I have something to rebuild.”  

Steve nodded, inhaling as he remembered all too well the way Howard would break things to make them better, even if the object didn’t need to be fixed.

“You know,” Steve began, shoving his hands in his pockets, leaning against the doorframe, “If there’s anything at the old house you want...they still haven’t cleaned it. In case you changed your mind.”

Tony seemed to be thinking it over as he wiped his dirty hands on a rag. He shook his head, “I don’t need anything.”

Steve tried not to sigh, still hating the way Tony wouldn’t address his childhood home, “Well, even if you think of something, I can go get it or..” He broke off when Tony laughed.

“I’m okay, Steve. But thank you, I appreciate the offer.” Tony loved the sheepish look on Steve’s face. The way he shrugged like his heartfelt offers were nothing.

 “So,” Steve let out a cough as Tony leaned against the car, his back arching with the curve of the door, “I have to go get groceries-”

“Like the good little wife you are.” Tony interrupted with a grin.

Steve ignored the teenager, “-I was thinking maybe you could come with me, so we could actually figure out what it is you like to eat.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “You don’t need-”

“Tony, you’re part of this family now.” Steve insisted, “I need to know what you eat. Besides coffee. You’ve been here over a month and I really have yet to understand how you function.”

 Tony had crossed his arms, slumping against the car like he’d lost an argument, “Fine.”

“Don’t be like that,” Steve said with a smile, “This can be a fun trip.”

 “The fact that you’re calling it a trip..”Tony grumbled. Howard used to grumble like that when Steve got too excited about something. Tony was so similar to the man Steve had once loved. He had to keep reminding himself that Tony was his own person, that Howard was gone.

  
  
  
  


Steve purposely drove past the cemetery where the Starks were now buried. Mausoleum really was the correct word for what the Starks were buried in. Steve glanced over at Tony, watching the cemetery go by.

  “Do you want to stop?”

“No.” Tony said flatly.

Steve didn’t push it, driving past without another word. Tony acted sullen the rest of the ride until his phone started to go off. A Mary Poppins song started playing and Steve gave Tony a strange look.

“It’s Nanny.” Tony explained before he answered, “What?”

“First, are you alright?”

“Yes?”

 “Second, _why_ do you do this to me? Why do you enjoy trouble so much?”

Steve could make out Pepper’s voice loud and clear.

“What did I do?” Tony asked, slumping a little in his seat.

She let out a frustrated sigh, “You didn’t **do** anything. I just want to know _why_ I’m seeing photos of you with bruises.”

 “Fuck.” He mumbled.

“Fuck indeed.” She agreed. He had to stifle a laugh at that, “So, as you haven’t denied anything yet, I’m going to assume those weren’t photoshopped?”

“No,” He muttered, sinking lower in the passenger seat, “I had a rough night.”

“Mmm,” She made an angry noise and was silent for a moment, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

 “Can walk on my own and everything.” Tony joked.

“Sweetie, you have to be careful. The world knows how young you are and wants to take advantage of you.”   
Tony glanced over at Steve, who could obviously hear. Pepper’s softer tone sounded so sincere and it made Tony uncomfortable.

“I’m fine.”

“Please don’t go looking for trouble.”  
“I _don’t_!” Tony complained.

“But you do.” Pepper sighed, “Are your foster parents near by? Can I talk to one of them?”

“Can you stop calling them that?” Tony rolled his eyes and put the phone on speaker so Steve could officially be part of the conversation.

“Hello, Ms. Potts.”

“Steve? Do I have Steve? You’re aware-”

“Yes.”

 “You’re aware that there are photos circulating around the major magazines of Tony looking abused?”

“What?”

“Watch the road.” Tony mumbled as Steve’s hands tightened on the steering wheel.

She sighed, “Mr. Rogers, I’m sorry to inform you but this is part of Tony’s life. He comes with press attached. This is why I’m always-”  
“Nagging.” Tony offered.

“-Insisting that he needs to watch his behavior.” She continued, ignoring his input, “I’m not blaming him for whatever happened, of course. But he does have a way of putting himself in dangerous situations.”

 Steve glanced over at Tony who looked bored, like he’d heard this rehearsed many times.

“Mr. Stane is very concerned and he’d like to have you address the issue with a formal interview.”

“I’ll bet he does.” Tony grumbled, eyes turning to the window.

“Steve, it might even be good to have you be part of that.”

Steve frowned, he didn’t like Tony being forced to talk for cameras, let alone himself, “Um..”

“It hasn’t been set up yet, we can talk about it.” She offered, hearing the doubt in his voice, “Oh, I have another call. Tony, please be more careful. Steve, I’ll be in touch.”

“Yes, Nanny.” He sighed, shoving the phone back in his pocket. Tony ran a hand through his dark hair, “That’s um, kind of common.” He muttered, “Photos..”

 Steve grunted, eyes still on the road. Tony was actually grateful that Pepper hadn’t been yelling about naked photos.

 

 

 

“You **can** eat coffee beans as a meal,” Tony insisted.

“It does _not_ count as food!” Steve said, exasperatedly, shoving grocery bags into the back. “You need more nutrients.”

 “Excuse you, I’m kind of living proof that you don’t.” Tony answered, gesturing to himself.

“You were not raised on coffee alone.”

 “Pretty much,” Tony muttered.

Steve actually would have believed it, Howard was always bad about watching his own health. He’d forget to eat for days while working on a new project. Even if he got himself sick, he’d keep working. It suddenly dawned on Steve that he had no idea which parts of Maria Tony had inherited, he was almost a complete copy of his father.

 “I’m going to make you watch nutrition documentaries.” Steve said decidedly.

Tony scrunched up his face as he got in the car, “That sounds..terrible. How about space instead?”

“Secrets of the Sun does actually look pretty good.” Steve smiled.

“So let’s watch that instead.” Tony grinned, impishly, obviously pleased that he’d gotten himself out of a homework-like assignment.

  “I’ll make that lasagna and we can watch it.”

The idea made Tony smile, “Wow, home-cooked meal and netflix. How domestic.”

“I think you’ll get a taste for it.” Steve smiled back, they both laughed. Steve was such a normal kind of guy that Tony almost didn’t know how to act around him sometimes. He usually knew how to charm anyone, but with Steve, he didn’t want it to come off like that. He actually wanted to be genuine with Steve.

 Driving by the cemetery once more, Steve glanced over to look at Tony, searching for something in his face.

“So..I know you don’t want to go there, but..I kind of do.” Steve said softly, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter, “Would you mind if I stopped?”

“Whatever.” Tony shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive position.

Steve turned the car into the gated area, heart suddenly pounding. When the car came to a stop and Steve opened the door he glanced over at Tony who didn’t look like he was going anywhere.

 “If you uh-”

Tony let out an angry sigh and shoved his door open, sliding out of the passenger seat. He shoved his hands in his pockets, his shoulders hitching up around his ears. Steve felt like wrapping an arm around him but he figured that wasn’t what Tony wanted at the moment. His feet felt heavier the closer they got to the Stark plot. Neither of them were rushing to get there, but Steve could see the way Tony was dragging behind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, the next parts just didn't fit.  
> The next chapters are going to be memories of Howard Stark from Steve and Tony's different perspectives.


	11. Steve's Howard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in case it wasn't obvious...these are Steve's memories of Howard

     Howard was getting really sick of the places that were now Smoke Free, if he wanted to have a cigarette he should be able to have one. It’s not like he was forcing a cigarette into anyone else’s lips. He crossed his arms and sighed, he’d been standing in front of the same painting for five minutes. He didn’t even like it, he was just sick of wandering around the aimless art-ooglers. He had a strange relationship with art, he did enjoy it, but only a certain kind to a certain degree. Art people just ruined it. _Always_ going on about what a brushstroke meant, it was ridiculous. And now he couldn’t even smoke in a gallery anymore.

 With another sigh he walked over to the painting he was going to buy, he’d had enough. He waved over the gallery assistant, “I’ve seen enough, I’ll take this one.”

The gallery assistant insisted on kowtowing even though he’d already made the sale, “The artist is actually here, if you’d like to meet him.”

 Before Howard could explain that he would not like to meet the artist, a big blonde was ushered over. He could have been a model that stood for one of the paintings, all shoulders and perfect skin. He didn’t look like an artist.

 “This is Steve Rogers, an art student at-”

“You painted this?” Howard asked, eyes narrowing inquisitively. He glanced between the painting and the frat boy.

“I did, I did.” Steve nodded, almost bashful. He kept squeezing his hands into fists, “I uh, didn’t really expect anyone to, uh buy it.”

Howard smirked. The frat boy was unaware of his talent?

“A professor, wanted me to show it.” Steve continued as explanation.

“You’re underselling it.”

Stever pursed his lip, “Well uh..”

He smiled, knowingly, “Even if the sale is made, keeping selling until they’ve walked away with the item.”

The big blonde frowned a little. Steve nodded but said, “An artist should be done selling when the paint is dry. If I have to convince you to take the piece, it’s not a good piece.”

 Howard’s eyebrows rose and his lips parted into a full smile, “Wow, a _real_ artist.”

  
  


 

 

“I really only put it in for experience.”

 “Well, you ended up with _real_ experience then, didn’t you?”

Steve smirked, looking down at his tea. Howard had laughed when he’d ordered tea instead of coffee. It just seemed so modest.

“Have you sold any other paintings?”

Steve shook his head, “No, truthfully I didn’t even want to put that one in. I don’t feel like..I’m ready.”

 Howard was used to people asking questions about himself, he was used to being the center of attention. But he found Steve fascinating in his simple taste and gentle features. Steve didn’t seem to understand or care who Howard was or what his family was, it was absolutely endearing.

“My parents aren’t exactly thrilled about my career choice, they’d prefer something that makes better money.”

 Howard could relate to that. Artist seemed like a child’s dream, “Well, you can make money at it if you go about it a certain way.”

 Steve gave a shrug, “I’m not really concerned with making money, I’d rather do something that makes me happy. Does that sound stupid?”

 “A little.” Howard smiled, lifting his coffee to his lips, “But I’m part of that money world, so I wouldn’t really understand.”

Steve snorted, “Whether you want to make money or not, everyone has a dream, at the very least a preference.”

   Howard appreciated the way Steve was willing to argue. He was polite about it, but unwilling to drop his point if he thought it was right. His big blue eyes got so righteous.

“But not everyone has a choice,” Howard retorted, pointing a finger, “not everyone has the support to chase their dream like that.”

Howard watched Steve’s eyes flick to his cup, almost like an apology before he spoke, “You’re telling me a Stark doesn’t get to do what he wants?”

Howard laughed, “So you _do_ know who I am?”

“Oh,” Steve smiled, hand almost raising to his mouth, “doesn’t that sound pretentious.”

“Hey, you brought it up.” Howard chuckled, it dawned on him that he hadn’t smiled this much in a while.

  
  
  
  
  


 

   Steve scowled a little, picking up his eraser to change the drawing _again_. Howard didn’t make things easy, moving around and moving his features. Finally Steve gave up on the scribbles to start on a new page. Howard had probably forgotten Steve was even there. When his hands got working with metal he forgot there were other people in the world. His eyes had such intense focus, like he was working on a ticking bomb.

  He’d sigh at the gears or click his teeth, but besides that he was quite silent. Howard loved to hear himself talk, but when he was working on a machine he was usually quiet. It stirred something in Steve’s stomach to watch Howard’s concentration. It made him want to touch those careful hands and have that focus for himself. That’s why he sketched him, to get a piece of Howard while he worked.

   Unknowingly, Steve had been hugging the sketchpad to his chest as he watched the other. Howard happened to glance up and seeing Steve hunched over, staring like a fool made him smile.

 “What’s going on over there in that big blonde head?”

Steve smiled and shrugged, “You’re just so attractive when you work.”

That foxy grin slid into place on Howard’s lips, he flexed his fingers like they were stiff, “Attractive. What a clinical term.”

 “Hanging around you too much.” Steve couldn’t help but smile. Sometimes he tried to control it because he felt like a dope, but other times he just didn’t care. He wanted Howard to know how happy he was just being there.

  
  
  
  
  


“Could you stop?” Howard sighed, lighting another cigarette.

 Steve ran a hand through his hair, pacing  “No, no I can’t, Howard.”

“Always so emotional,” He grumbled, taking a deep inhale. Steve shot him an angry glare that went unnoticed.

“I can’t keep doing this.” Steve said, rubbing his eyes, “I can’t be someone’s dirty secret.”

Howard looked up, frowning as Steve paced in front of him, “Listen, I explained this to you the first day. I don’t live in the same world as you and your family.”

“Then what are you doing slumming with me?”

Howard made a face at the word ‘slum’, “Christ, could you not?”

 Steve threw up his hands, “Well what would you call it? That’s what your family would call it, right? Wasting your time with trash.”

 “Enough,” Howard snapped, standing, “we come from different places but I know you can understand. I don’t _get_ to go live out some artist dream, openly loving whoever I want and..what?” Howard broke off when Steve suddenly turned to stare at him, “What?”

Howard frowned in confusion as Steve exhaled and strode forward, taking his hand and raising it to kiss Howard’s knuckles.

 “So you love me, hm?”

Howard frowned, face pinching, “You know what I mean.”

Steve smiled, turning Howard’s hand to kiss his palm, “Right. You love me.”

  Howard rolled his eyes, “Ugh, enough.”

Steve couldn’t hide his grin, pulling Howard close. Howard’s lips pursed as Steve’s hands rested on his hips, “You looooove me.”

“Nope, you’re thinking of someone else.” Howard shook his head as Steve yanked him closer, kissing his neck. Howard let out a small noise as Steve sucked on the sensitive skin, grinding his hips against the other.

 “You love me,” Steve whispered against Howard’s ear. He smiled when Howard grumbled, “And I love you and all your sharp edges.”

  
  
  


 

Steve glanced over, grinning when he saw Howard smiling.

“Stop leering at me,” Howard shot at the other, even though his eyes were still shut. The snap didn’t have the same effect as Howard was out of breath.

  Steve propped himself up on his side, looking down at Howard, “ _You’re_ the one with the after-sex glow, Babe.”

“Shut up,” Howard laughed, reaching up and wiping the sweat from Steve’s forehead. Steve wiggled down, wrapping his arms around the other, “Ugh, no.”

 “This is happening,” Steve grinned, nuzzling his face into Howard’s neck.

“Always with the cuddling..” Howard grumbled, trying to wriggle away.

 “You love it.”

Howard let Steve hug him, pulling him closer. Howard made an annoyed noise, even though he’d stopped fighting. He rolled his eyes at Steve but then leaned forward to kiss him, “You and your open affection is sickening.”

 Steve laughed, squeezing the other a bit tighter, unbelievably happy.

  
  
  


 

 

“Honestly, what were you expecting?” Howard spat, turning away. Steve hated how he would do that, he’d turn away or roll his eyes or speak in a condescending tone to make the other feel less important.

“Not _this_ .” Steve shook his head, arms crossed over his big chest. Steve had gotten progressively bigger, working out multiple times in a day, growing in strength and size. He now _towered_ over Howard, “How long has it been going on?”

 “Long enough.” Howard answered carelessly. He paused, digging out a cigarette, like he always did when he didn’t want to look Steve in the eye, “She’s pregnant.”

Steve wanted to hit something. He turned and walked away.

“Steve-”

“I need to not be near you right now.” He snapped. He knew Howard hated when he’d walk away from him. He wanted to fight it out, always get the last word in But Steve worried he’d actually hit Howard this time, so he had to remove himself. His clenched fist slammed against the wall as he rounded a corner.

  He understood Howard, he knew that he hid his real feelings whenever possible. But he wished that just once he could be honest, show Steve some remorse. Steve had worried that Howard was seeing someone else, but he’d convinced himself that he was just being insecure. Steve suddenly stopped and turned back, striding back into the room.

  “So what does this mean?” Steve demanded, seeing that Howard was already drinking.

“What?”

 “What does this mean for _us_? Are you going to go marry her or what?”

Howard’s lips pursed, his eyebrows pinching, “Steve..”

 Steve shook his head, “Don’t act like you haven’t already decided. Be real with me for once, _please_.”

He heard Howard sigh before he reached for his glass and took a drink, “There are certain things expected of me. This is one of them.”

Steve’s hands clenched into fists, “So I don’t get to expect anything from you? The last five years mean nothing?”

 “I don’t get to have a normal life, Steve. You know-”

“I **don’t** know! I don’t understand, Howard! You don’t need your family’s approval, you could be very successful on your own and you know that! It’s just an excuse at this point!”

 Howard closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, “Could you calm down?”

“NO!” Steve cried, slamming his hand against the wall, “I’m _allowed_ to be emotional about this!”

“It’s not something I can change.”

Steve felt tears coming on while Howard sat there like he was merely annoyed, “Did I matter at all, Howard?”

 Howard averted his eyes and stood, pouring more whiskey, “What I want never does matter.”

  
  


 

 

“Beautiful house,” Steve nodded, wanting to run. He was so scared of crossing paths with Howard’s wife.

“Mm, are you still in Brooklyn?”

“Yeah,” He nodded again as the walked through the hall, he found it strange that there were no photos of the rest of the family. But then again, Howard really never was very sentimental, “After we came back we moved back into that area.”

 “Are you two married yet?” Howard asked, like he was asking about the weather. They entered a room that was obviously his office and Howard gestured for Steve to sit, like they were about to do a business transaction.

Steve gave him a pointed look.

“What?”

“I thought…” Steve paused, shaking his head, “I don’t know what I thought…I, ugh, I still want you in my life, Howard, but….I don’t think I can do _this_. It’s too hard.”

“Steve,” Howard sighed,  “I just wanted to talk.”

“I honestly don’t think I _can_ just talk. It’s...it’s too hard to talk to you here. In this house. With your _wife_ and _child_ somewhere near by.” He glanced around the room as he spoke, seeing a photo of Maria in a frame, it made him cringe. Howard looked different, he spoke differently and it made Steve feel sick.

Howard frowned, “Aren’t **you** with someone right now?” His voice developing an edge.

Steve shook his head again and stood, “You’re right. I don’t know why I came here.”

“Steve,” Howard stood as well, “..please.” He looked down at his desk, left hand forming a fist, “I just needed to see you. It’s been so long..”

“It’s been _fourteen years_ , Howard.” Steve snapped, “And you **know** why...you were the one who ended things, not me.”

“I just wanted to talk to you..I missed you.” Howard looked pained as he spoke.

Steve ran a hand through his hair, letting out an annoyed noise. He hated himself for coming here. For thinking they could somehow sit and talk and be okay. “I don’t think I can pretend things are normal. I can’t get the spouses together for lunch and pretend we’re all friends.”

 “I didn’t ask that of you.” Howard said through his teeth, closing his eyes. He wanted to tell Steve everything. He wanted to tell him how bad things were. He wanted to tell him about how much his son terrified him. But he didn’t. He lit a cigarette, “I’m sorry. I really would like to see more of you, if you could stand that. Do say hello to Bucky for me.”

They both jumped at the sound of glass breaking.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next we'll see Tony's memories.  
> Thanks for reading/commenting, Kittens <3 Go hit me up on Tumblr!


	12. Tony's Howard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we go from age 5 then shoot to 13, 14, 15 and end at 16

 

 

The car rolled to a stop and Tony’s head shot up. He looked between both parents, hoping that one of them would suddenly change their mind. His father was still arguing with someone on the phone while his mother was still lost in her magazine. Maria suddenly looked up, realizing the car wasn’t moving. She looked down to see Tony’s big eyes filling with tears. She let out a little sigh and cupped his cheek with her hand.

    “It’ll be alright, Darling.”

  Tony sniffed and Howard glanced over to see what was the matter, “What?”

 Maria gave him a look, “We’re here, Dear. He’s nervous.”

Howard looked down at his son and frowned, “ **Don’t** cry.”

“ _Howard_ , please,” Maria sighed.

Tony sniffed again, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He didn’t want to cry. If he didn’t cry they think he was a good boy and they might change their minds. He still didn’t understand what he had done wrong. He didn’t know why Mommy and Daddy were giving him away. The whole car ride he had been quiet, he didn’t kick his feet or bounce, he was a good boy the whole ride. So maybe he could still come home.

 Maria sat up, her hand cupping the back of Tony’s head as she leaned down to kiss him. He looked up at his father who had just ended his phone call.

 “How long is this going to take?” He asked with a sigh.

“ _Howard_!” Maria snapped, “Enough. This is a hard day for him. And for me! So if you could just be civil, I’d appreciate it.”

He rolled his eyes and stepped from the car. Tony tensed, gripping the seat. His mother looked down at him with sad eyes, “It’ll be fun, Honey. You’ll make new friends and-”

  “Mommy,” He whimpered, bottom lip trembling, “I want to go home. I’ll be good!”

She inhaled, trying not to fall apart in front of her son, “Honey, you’ll like it, it’ll be a new adventure.”

 He shook his head violently, tears falling from his eyes, “I-I don’t want an ad-benture!” He cried, his growing hysteria flubbing up his words.

 “Oh, Baby..” She bit her lip as she held in her own tears, “You’ll get to come home. It’ll make Christmas even better!”

“I-I promise I’ll be good!” He cried, burying his face in her lap, “Pleeease don’t give me away!”

 Howard poked his head in the car, cigarette between his lips, “Could we hurry this along?”

 Maria shot her husband a death glare as she wrapped her arms around her son, pulling him into her lap. Howard frowned when he saw the six year old in tears.

  “Anthony, _stop_ crying. There’s no reason to be so dramatic.”

Tony’s lip trembled and he buried his face his his mother’s shoulder, turning away from his father so he could cry in peace. He hugged his arms around her neck, hanging on for dear life. She stared at Howard, silently pleading with him.

 “Come on,” Howard sighed, “It’s time to go in. I have other appointments today.”

Tony looked up at his mother, “ _Mommy_.”

 She let out a defeated sigh and stepped from the car with the little boy in her arms. She hated the idea of dropping him off like this, he was too young. But she also wanted him to have the best and this school was the best.

  “It’s going to be alright, Darling.” She whispered as he cried into her shoulder.

“What d-did I do wronnng?!” He wailed, hiccups interrupting his cry.

 

 

 

 “You can go fuck yourself,” Tony answered, exiting the room.

“That wasn’t one of the options, Anthony.”

 “I don’t fucking care.” He called back, continuing down the hall, pulling his cigarettes from his pocket. He couldn’t breath in this stupid house, he actually welcomed being sent off to boarding school now. He passed by his mother who frowned.

 “Honey-”

“I’m going out.” He said, lifting his lighter to his lip.

“Tony.” She said, more firm this time. She walked forward and took his hand in hers, “Sweetie, you two-”

 “I didn’t do anything.” Tony huffed, yanking his arm away. He stormed back to his father’s office, “How about no school? Does _that_ option work for you? I’ll just drop out completely and save us all the trouble.”

 “Are those my cigarettes?” Howard asked, a slight smirk pulling at his lips.

Tony looked down at the hand holding the pack, “Well where do you think I learned it?”

Howard raised an eyebrow then looked back to whatever paperwork was in front of him. Tony could have stomped his feet. Being ignored was worse than being yelled at and his father knew it.

 “So I’m dropping out? We agree?” He asked, crossing his arms.

Howard looked up in annoyance, “Might as well, if you’re just going to keep getting kicked out of schools. But don’t expect to use my name to get into MIT.”

 Tony frowned. It always came down to that. And he didn’t just mean ‘I won’t help you’ he meant ‘I’ll make sure you don’t ever get into MIT’.

Howard stared back at him, daring him to respond.

  
  
  


 

 

  “Of course I’ve kissed someone,” Tony scoffed, tossing another rock into the pond. The flat stone skipping over the surface multiple times. He sat back down, expecting Ty to jump up and throw the stone he’d been turning over in his hand.  They’d been skipping rocks for a while now, their fathers still talking business on the patio.

 “What about guys?”

Tony turned his head to look at the other, trying to see if his friend was joking. There was a silence between them and then Ty looked up, “Have you?”

Tony shook his head, “Have _you_?”

 “I want to.” He said softly, his hand creeping toward Tony’s.

Tony inhaled, eyes flicking down to the fingers that were brushing against his own, asking permission, “Yeah?”

 When their fingers interlaced they both smiled and leaned in, meeting in the middle with their lips. Tony had kissed girls before but this was different. This was better, much better. The parted and couldn’t help but grin at each other.

 “So?” Tony asked with a smirk, “Was it what you wanted?”

Ty nodded, “Definitely.”

 The two boys were always going off by themselves on their visits, so it wasn’t strange when they disappeared together. Fueled by hormones and the excitement of discovering a new pastime, they spent the rest of the time kissing each other.

  Howard nodded as he and Brian Stone, his longest business associate, stood, “I agree-”

He broke off as he caught sight of the two teenagers. He pursed his lips and pretended nothing had changed. He listened and nodded, following when Stone directed them back into the house, his blood boiling.

When it was time to leave Tony squeezed Ty’s hand before he turned away. As he slid into the back seat of the car, Tony had to bite his bottom lip to keep his grin in check.

“Thank you, again, Brian.” Howard nodded with a wave, sliding to the car as well. Tony, too busy smiling down at his knees didn’t notice the look on his father’s face.

 “Get that stupid look off your face,” Howard hissed.

The smile slid from Tony’s face as he turned to look up at his father, “What did I do?”

 “You are _so_ lucky Brian didn’t see the two of you.”

Tony sucked in his breath, realizing that somehow his father knew what had happened.

Howard poured himself a drink from the small bar, refusing to look at Tony, a tactic of intimidation he often used, “I know you’re getting to that age, but stick to girls.”

Tony frowned, “Why does it matter?”

Howard snorted, “It matters a great deal. Especially with Brian Stone’s son. Run around with all the girls you want but I ever see or hear-”

 “Why does it matter?!” Tony yelled, tears of anger forming in his eyes.

Howard rolled his eyes as he always did when his son got emotional, “It matters because you are a Stark, you don’t get to do whatever you want.”

 “We were just kissing!”

“And it reflects on me.” Howard snapped, pausing for a moment to reign himself in, “Everything you do reflects on the Stark name. So you’re going to operate according to schedule.”

 “I’m not one of your fucking machines.” Tony growled, crossing his arms and turning away as tears started to roll down his face.

Howard chuckled, placing a cigarette between his lips, “Obviously, we wouldn’t be having these issues if you were.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Tony giggled as Ty kissed his knees.

They both looked up, “Did you just giggle?”

“Did I just giggle?”

That spurred laughter from the both of them, Ty crawling back up Tony to kiss his lips. He grabbed the sides of Tony’s face and pulled him into a sitting position. Smiling, Tony dragged his hand down Ty’s naked chest, “So..you ready to go again?”

 Ty chuckled, “What kind of monster have we created here?”

Tony smirked, flipping their positions so he was resting on top, legs on either side of the other, “I can’t help myself.” He whispered, leaning down to kiss Ty’s neck, grinding down his hips.

 Ty gasped as Tony’s dick rubbed against his own. Tony loved how he could make the other bow and arch with just tiny movements, it made him feel powerful. They had to sneak around to be together, but there was something exciting in that. It made everything feel more special somehow. It’d been months since their first time together, but the secrecy kept everything so fresh and mysterious.

 Ty’s hand slid up to Tony’s hips, squeezing to test his reaction. Tony bit his bottom lip as he smiled, looking down at the other, _loving_ the way Ty looked back at him. Tony wiggled himself down so he was between Ty’s legs, kissing his thighs. Ty squirmed, reaching out to grab Tony’s hair, giving a tiny yank for his teasing.

Tony grinned, “What? You want something?”

Ty covered his face with his arm to hide his smile, “You’re a dick.”

“No,” Tony shook his head like he was really serious, “ _This_ is a dick.” He said, taking all of Ty’s cock into his mouth.

Ty moaned, jerking forward at the sudden movement. Tony had gotten so good at sex, at least Ty thought so. They both jumped when the dark room was filled with light. There was yelling and crying and that was the end of the secret.

  Howard kept apologizing to Brian Stone, grip tight on Tony’s wrist as he yanked him from the house, “I completely agree, Brian.”

“If that little slut _ever_ comes near my son-”

“Dad-” Ty attempted, the fresh cut on his swollen lip making Tony wince.

 “You shut your mouth!” He rounded on the teenager, making him cringe. Turning back to Howard, who was shoving Tony out the door, “We’re done, Stark.”

“Brian-”

“ **Done**! I’m not having that sort of influence anywhere near my family.”

“It’s not his-” Ty’s words were broken off when his father’s hand came into contact with his face.

“I said shut your mouth!”

Tony lunged forward but Howard pushed him back, hissing, “Stop.”

“We are **done** , Stark. Get that fag out of my house!”

When the door slammed behind them it was Howard’s turn to slap his son, “You’re an idiot! I _said_ this would happen!”

 Tony backed away, trying not to cry from the situation. He wouldn’t cry in front of his father for this, “That asshole is a bigot, _that_ has nothing to do with me.”

Howard’s lip curled as he grabbed Tony’s arm and dragged him toward the car, “Oh, it has everything to do with you. You just lost me a valuable partner because you can’t control yourself.”

 “Control myself?! Is that all you care about?”

“YES,” Howard snapped, shoving Tony in the car, “All I want is for you to keep your mouth dick free! You’re not going to be part of my family if you’re just going to drag my name through this sort of shit.”

 “I didn’t ask to be part of your family!”  

  
  
  
  


 

“I don’t think there’s anything better in the world.” Tony whispered, eyes squeezed shut as he rubbed his nose.

“Nothing? Not even sex?” Al smirked, leaning forward to snort his own line of cocaine, “I told you you’d like it.”

“Not even sex.” Tony shook his head with a smile.

“I think I take offense to that.”

Tony laughed, leaning against the bookcase, “What, you think I’m going to start sugarcoating _now_?”

 They both fell silent at the sound of voices in the next room. It’d seemed like a funny idea to do coke in his Father’s library, it wasn’t like he ever went in there anyway. But now that they could hear multiple voices, it felt a little more dangerous.

 “Shit.”

“We’re fucked.” Al frowned.

Tony waved a hand for him to shush, he crawled closer to the door to hear better.

“I thought…” There was a pause, “I don’t know what I thought…I, ugh, I still want you in my life, Howard, but….I don’t think I can do this. It’s too hard.”

Tony frowned in confusion, the voice he was hearing was definitely a man’s voice.

“Steve, I just wanted to talk.”

“I honestly don’t think I _can_ just talk. It’s...it’s too hard to talk to you here. In this house. With your _wife_ and _child_ somewhere near by.”

The second voice sounded bitter. Aldrich reached for Tony but was swatted away.

“Aren’t **you** with someone right now?” Howard asked, his voice cool.

There was the sound of a chair scraping the floor, “You’re right. I don’t know why I came here.”

“Steve..please.”

Tony’s frown deepened, it almost didn’t sound like his Father’s voice. It sounded desperate and sad and nothing like his Father.

“I just needed to see you. It’s been so long..”

“It’s been _fourteen years_ , Howard.” The other voice said, harsher now, “And you **know** why...you were the one who ended things, not me.”

Tony slapped at Aldrich’s arm, “The fuck _is_ this?” He hissed.

“I just wanted to talk to you..I missed you.”

 Tony turned back, letting himself slump against the bookshelf. Al frowned in confusion at the look on Tony’s face.

“What?” He whispered.

Tony just blinked, his features slowly revealing his anger, “That fucking asshole..”

“What?” Aldrich hissed again.

Tony turned to look at him, eyes full of rage, “That _fucking psycho_ has been telling me I’m messed up for being gay when **he** had a fucking boyfriend!”

 Tony got to his feet and started pacing, hissing his words, “All my fucking life! He’s always made me feel like I’m damaged fucking goods when I was just a fucking mirror for his own fucked up shit!”

Al stood, “Hey, it’s just the coke-”

 “Shut up,” Tony snapped, pacing back and forth, hands shaking, “How could he fucking do that to me?! Oh my god what a fucking _psycho_!”

 Eyes locking on a porcelain statue, he strode forward and grabbed it, aiming it across the room.

“Calm the fuck down, man!”

“Don’t you _understand?_ !” Tony snarled, “That fucking monster has made me feel like shit my whole life because **he** can’t deal with his own fucking sexuality!”

  
  
  
  


 

 “What the hell was that?!” Howard spat. He frowned in confusion at the look on Tony’s face, “What are you grinning for? You think this is a _joke_?”

 Tony nodded, pupils way too dilated, “Yeah, yeah I do, actually.”

Howard narrowed his eyes, “So that was deliberate? You purposely sought out an important client of mine to fuck?”

 “Yeah! I did!” Tony nodded, still grinning in a manic way, “Just like you deliberately made me feel like a disappointment for my sexuality.” Howard was about to interrupt but Tony continued, “Now, I’m fine with being a disappointment, Dad, really. It’s the hypocrisy that I don’t appreciate. If you can fuck men, why can’t I?”

 Howard’s eyes widened for a moment and his lips pursed into the tiniest line, but it was enough of an answer.

“Yeah, Dad, you could have just been honest about it. But you can’t even be honest with yourself, can you? My mother and I are just a front, aren't’ we?”

Howard’s hand shot out, making forceful contact with Tony’s face, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 “Don’t I?” Tony laughed, “You’ve spent my _entire_ childhood convincing the world I’m something else. Convincing yourself I’m not a reflection, huh?”

Howard grabbed the front of Tony’s shirt and slammed him against the wall, “Shut your mouth.”

“No!” Tony yelled in response, “I’m fucking done pretending!”

“So sleeping with someone twice your age is your response?!”

  “Well it got your attention, didn’t it?!”

Howard inhaled, “Always about my attention, isn’t it?! I didn’t hold you enough, I don’t tell you you’re perfect. Well guess what? You aren’t perfect, not even close!”

“At least I don’t lie about who I am!”

Howard slammed his fist against the wall next to Tony’s head, making him jump, “You _should_ be!”

  
  
  


 

Maria stood when Tony’s eyes opened, she rushed over, not knowing what to do with her hands. Howard stood, but didn’t move further. Tony winced, his head searing with pain. The room was too bright and his mother started to cry. He moved to raise his hand to her but he couldn’t. He looked down, as best he could, and saw that his wrists were tied down with restraints.

 “Honey..”

“Where am I?”

 “The hospital, Sweetheart.”

“You overdosed on Heroin.” His father said flatly, “You’ve been unconscious for two days.”

His mother let out a small sob, delicately brushing hair from his face, like she was afraid he’d break.

Tony closed his eyes and sighed, realizing once again that his arms were tied down, “Why am I restrained?”

His mother covered her mouth, another sob escaping, “We love you, Darling.”

Tony looked down at himself, his left arm bandaged. He couldn’t remember why.

A doctor walked in and started prodding him, speaking to his parents instead of him.

 “I’d like to keep him here for observation, to make sure he’s stable and..” He turned to purposely avoid Tony, “Make sure he doesn’t hurt himself again.”

“Is that likely?” Howard asked.

Tony tried to sit up but the doctor placed a hand on his chest, “That depends on him. Sixteen year olds-”

 “I want to get up. I want to go home.”

“You should have thought about that before shooting up,” Howard snapped, “when did _that_ new trend start by the way?”

“Around the time you told me you’d marry me off,” Tony winced and let his head fall back on the pillow. It was hard to be snarky when his chest felt like it was caving in.

 His mother pursed her lips and turned her head, addressing the doctor, “Can’t he come home tonight?”

 “Well-”

“No,” Howard answered, crossing his arms, “He’s going to stay right there.”

“Howard he just-”

“He just overdosed like a junky on the street.” Howard snapped at his wife, “He doesn’t deserve the comforts of home.”

 Tony smirked. Of _course_ this is how his father was behaving, “You’re _seriously_ trying to ground me while I’m strapped to a hospital bed?”

 “Really, are the restraints necessary?” Maria asked for the hundredth time.

“Yes.” Both the doctor and Howard answered.

 Tony really couldn’t remember what he’d done to himself. He wanted to see what was under the bandage but he didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want to have that conversation, not with his father in the room.

 He blinked and opened his eyes to find the room dark, realizing very slowly that he must have fallen asleep. His arms were still tied down but at least one of the IV tubes had been removed. Only one small light was present in the room and by that light he saw his father reading reports. He looked around, confused when he didn’t see his mother. Eventually Howard glanced up and when he realized Tony was awake he set his papers down. He watched his son for a moment before he spoke.

 “How do you feel?”

Tony rolled his eyes, he wanted to turn away, “Like you care.”

He heard his father make a noise of annoyance, “I’m here, aren’t I? I’ve been sitting in this pathetic room for days waiting for you to wake up, haven’t I? So _obviously_ I **care**. How. Do.You. Feel?”

 Tony glared at him, “Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

“Good,” Howard nodded, picking up his papers again, “maybe you’ll learn something from it.”

Tony sighed, exasperatedly, “Yeah, maybe **I’ll** learn something from it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will now return to your scheduled programming, thank you for viewing this special episode. 
> 
> I might do a Memories Pt. 2 down the line, there's so much left unsaid, but maybe not. We shall seeeeeee.


	13. Pay Attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been noticing some confusion in the comments, I'm a little worried about the people who don't seem to understand the direction Tony/Steve's relationship its going... So I'm going to address it head on: this is going to turn into an unhealthy/inappropriate REALationship, Kids (ahem, tags). And I KNOW. I KNOW what I'm writing, this isn't a fluffy family story. So if that doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy or can stomach, I'd advice you stop reading now.

 

 Tony looked up at the small sound. Steve had exhaled and raised his hand to his mouth. Tony had wrapped his arms around himself, gripping the edge of his sweat shirt.

“Are you getting what you wanted out of this?” Tony asked.

 “I don’t know what kind of man he was to you,” Steve sighed, tears in his eyes, “but...for a period of time he was my world.”

Tony looked away, turning his gaze back to the names carved in stone. He wanted to leave. They’d been standing in front of the graves for too long. He was starting to feel things he’d been working so hard to bury.

  Steve looked over at him, “You must miss your mother?”

Tony squirmed, “Can we go?”

 Steve sighed, “Yeah, we can go….I’m sorry, I thought this would help.”

“You thought it would help you.” Tony replied, his mouth forming a pout.

He was right, Steve had done this for himself. He thought they could both get closure this way.

 Tony turned and started walking back towards the car at a fast pace. Steve wanted to pull Tony back and make him work his feelings out, but he told himself that wasn’t what the kid needed. Steve followed after at a slower speed, his feet like weights.

When they got home Tony disappeared almost instantly, slipping into his room. Steve thought he’d give him some alone time so he changed into his sweats and sought out his punching bag. He wished Bucky was home so he could spar with someone or at least talk. Bucky hadn’t been talking much lately and Steve was really starting to feel a disconnect. After twenty minutes he couldn’t help himself, he trudged up the stairs and knocked on Tony’s door. When there was no answer he knocked again. On the third try he opened the door and peered in. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom attached. Walking over to knock on _that_ door, he saw empty bottles on the floor by the bed.

   Steve pushed the already open door open and asked, “Are you alright?”

 He heard Tony let out a sound of annoyance, “Why are you always asking that?”

Steve kept his eyes forward, watching the steam, “Because I care.”

 Tony made a disgusted noise that made Steve smile. He glanced toward the shower and frowned when he could see the figured curled up on the floor.

 “Hey,” He said, stepping forward and pulling the glass door back, “are you okay?”

Tony’s arms were wrapped around his knees, his back against the wall. He looked up and shifted, Steve averting his eyes once he realized Tony wasn’t hurt. He kneeled down to Tony’s level.

 “Tony..” It was clear that while Steve had been working out, Tony had been drinking.

“I don’t want to go there again.” Tony mumbled into his arms.

Steve nodded, “Okay.”

 Tony looked up at him, “I wasn’t asking.”

Steve sighed, “Maybe you should get out, you look cold.”

“I don’t have any excuse anymore.”

“What? You don’t need an excuse to get-”

“He ruined every relationship I ever had,” Tony muttered, gripping his knees, “I can’t use him as an excuse anymore.”

Steve pursed his lips and reached out with a hand to touch Tony’s arm. Tony’s eyes flicked up to meet Steve’s.

“Did he ever fall apart in front of you?”

Steve shook his head, letting out a sigh, “He’d kick me out whenever he’d start to lose his control.”

“Must have been rough on your savior complex.” Tony sniffed.

A smile pulled at Steve’s lips. He lifted his hand to feel the cold water. He turned one of the handles to increase the heat, “Yeah...I tried really hard to get him to open up and let me.. But he just couldn’t be _that_ person.”

Steve had been trying not to look directly **at** the teenager, who looked so small curled in on himself.

 Steve smirked a little, “ _This_ , is all I ever wanted. To take care of him when things were bad. I appreciate that you’re letting me see this side of you.”

  Tony shifted, looking up at Steve like he was reading words on his face, “Yeah?”

Steve nodded, smiling softly, “Yeah. You know I just want to be here for you.”

Tony inhaled and leaned forward, letting his arms drop, “So why don’t you come in here and make me feel better?”

 Steve’s eyes widened and he jerked back ever so slightly. Tony regretted the words instantly, hating the look on Steve’s face.

“Uh..” Steve stuttered as he rose, trying to act like nothing had gone wrong, “So, I’ll go make that lasagna and uh we can..yeah.” He jumped when he backed himself into the wall and nodded, “Yeah.”

He disappeared and Tony let his head thud against the wall, “Shit.”

 No one ever told him no.

 His skin burned with embarrassment and anger. No one ever told him no, especially not lonely men in bad marriages. Standing and turning off the shower, he raked himself over with a towel. Wrong tactic, that was it. The direct approach wasn’t for Steve, surprisingly. Tony rolled his shoulders, his muscles still tight from anger. He wanted to sulk in his bed but he forced himself to pull on some sweatpants. He checked his hair the the mirror and went downstairs, shoving his hands in his pockets to look sheepish.

 When Steve saw him he smiled like nothing had happened, “Food’s ready. Real people food.”

Tony tilted his head, “Are we still watching that documentary?”

Steve smirked and nodded, handing Tony a plate, “Yeah.”

They sat on the couch and settled in to watch their documentary. Eventually Tony slid into a horizontal position, throwing his legs over Steve. Steve breathed, telling himself it didn’t mean anything, Tony was just getting comfy. He had to admit to himself that he appreciated the contact. Bucky really didn’t snuggle and Howard certainly never did. He glanced over to watch Tony, eyes staring at the screen like he was memorizing the words being said.

  Through the course of the movie, Tony wriggled down into the couch, hugging the throw pillow with his legs in Steve’s lap, one of Steve’s hands resting on Tony’s calf. Steve kept glancing over to make sure Tony was still awake.

 “Are you watching the movie or are you watching me?” Tony mumbled into his pillow.

Steve jumped, “Hm?”

  Tony lifted his head and looked over at Steve with a smirk, “You keep staring.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile back at Tony, “Just making sure you’re not asleep.”

“Right,” Tony nodded.

 “Ahem.”

They both looked up at Bucky’s noise. Steve sat up at the sight of his husband who’s arms were already crossed angrily.

“Hey, Buckface.” Tony rolled his eyes.

Bucky pursed his lips and nodded in their direction, “You two look comfy.”

 Tony smirked, “Someone’s got to keep him warm.”

“How’d today go?” Steve asked quickly, trying to change the subject.

Tony lifted his legs from Steve’s lap and tucked them under himself, scooting closer in the process. Bucky narrowed his eyes as he sat down on the edge of the recliner, “It was fine.”

 Tony stared back at the older man, head tilted like he was truly interested, the hint of a grin on his lips.

 

 

 

“Why are you angry?”

“I’m not,” Bucky huffed, hearing the lie himself as they climbed the stairs.

Steve sighed which only pissed Bucky off more, “I just had a hard day okay, and I come home and find you two all glued together.”

 “Seriously?”

Bucky rolled his eyes as he pushed their bedroom door open and switched on the light.

“Are you mad because I was-”

 “I’m not mad.”

“Yes you are,” Steve insisted, shutting the door behind him so the sound would stay in the room, “I’m sorry you had a bad day, but don’t take it out on me just because I’m _not_ being miserable.”

 Bucky let out an angry noise as he tried to pull of his shirt, any time he was frustrated the fake arm gave him issues. He didn’t even know how to express why he was upset, he knew it was going to sound selfish and childish and stupid.

  Steve reached out to grab Bucky’s wrist, “Hey, talk to me.”

“I have enough people trying to dig into my head!” He snapped, yanking away, “I don’t need it when I come home!”

 Steve raked a hand through his hair, he did that when he was trying to calm himself down, “I’m just...If something’s wrong, I want to know so I can fix it.”

 “You can’t fix everything, Steve.”

Steve closed his eyes for a moment, his hands balling into fists by his sides as he spoke slowly, “I am not trying to fix you, I am trying to fix the situation.”

“The situation doesn’t need your stamp of approval,” Bucky retorted, “You want to fix something so bad, go work on that brat.”

 Steve rolled his eyes and made a noise, “ _What_ is your problem with him?

“He came out of nowhere and disrupted my life, **that’s** my problem.”

  Steve shook his head, “ **His** life was disrupted, Buck. It’s not like he chose this!”

“Well he _chooses_ to be a dick.”

Steve inhaled and shook his head again, passing by the other to the bathroom, slapping the wall to turn on the light, “He just lost everything. He’s entitled to have an attitude.”

 “He’s entitled alright,” Bucky replied, leaning against the doorframe, “You keep excusing his bad behavior like it’s normal.”

“He’s grieving.”

“He’s manipulating you.”

“You’re being ridiculous!”

From his room, Tony smirked at the sound of their yelling. He had to admit to himself that he was jealous when Bucky got to come home and take Steve away. He got to sleep beside Steve even though he ignored him all day, it wasn’t fair.

 “You’re jealous because I’m spending time with him?!”

“I’m not jealous I just..”Bucky’s anger trailed off, “I just..”

Steve strode forward, taking Bucky’s face in his hands, “Hey, _you_ have my undivided attention. I care about your feelings and I want to do everything I can to make you happy. I just need you to talk to me.”

 

  


 “Yes, I understand that,” Steve sighed into the phone as he stomped down the hall. He’d been trying to do as much work from home as he could but it was starting to get difficult and Shield was getting less understanding about his new situation. He back tracked, poking his head into the open bathroom where he saw Tony examining his side in the mirror, also on the phone.

 “I honestly don’t care,” He said, cradling the cell phone under his chin and shoulder as he lifted his shirt to see the faded remains of his bruise. He glanced up and nodded at Steve.

“You okay?” Steve mouthed.

Tony nodded with a smile, immediately frowning at something the other person on the phone said, “I’m going to hang up now.”

He rolled his eyes and shoved the phone in his pants pocket, passing by Steve.

“I’ll have to call you back.” Steve said into his own phone, letting it drop and fall into his outreached palm, “Tony?”

“Hm?” Tony swirled around.

“Want to learn how to defend yourself?”

 Tony’s facial expression turned sour, “I can defend myself.”

“Not from what I’ve seen.” Steve shook his head, “Come on, we can do this in the basement.”

“ _What you’ve seen,_ ” Tony grumbled, but followed after the other anyway, “Haven’t seen shit.”

  “I don’t mean anything by it,” Steve said, turning on the light as the went down the stairs, “I just think it’d be good for you to know.”

 “It’s just a bunch of physics, I know physics.”

“It’s more than understanding how the body works, it’s about muscle memory.”

 Tony crossed his arms at Steve, frowning up at the man.

Steve gave him a pointed look, “I’m not trying to embarrass you, I just want you to have the knowledge.” He kneeled down on the floor and looked up expectantly, “Come on, come down to this level.”

 Reluctantly, Tony kneeled and when Steve instructed for him to lie down he did. He felt stupid until Steve’s body was on top of his, legs straddling his waist and holding down his wrists. Steve suddenly felt terrible at the shocked look on Tony’s face, he realized he should have explained what he was doing before he did it.

Steve stood, “Sorry, I should have-”

“I’m fine.” Tony nodded, his face relaxing.

 “Are you sure?” Steve hesitated but Tony nodded again, reaching up to grab his hand and pull him back down. Tony had to work to hide his grin when Steve kneeled down again, taking his wrists and holding them over his head. God the man looked beautiful like that.

“This is a common hold, try to get me off.”

Tony’s eyes widened and a grin bloomed on his face, “You want me to get you off?”

 Steve froze and then laughed, “Oh, well..yeah.”

“Hey, you’re the teacher.” Tony chuckled, wriggling a little under Steve’s weight.

Steve smirked, “Okay, try to get out of this situation.”

 Tony smirked back at him, thinking about how he didn’t want out of the situation. He inhaled and tried to remove the big man and failed. He tried again and got frustrated.

 “You’re bigger than I am.” Tony huffed.

“But you can still throw me.” Steve insisted, reaching down with one hand and patting Tony’s leg, “use your hips.”

Tony smirked again, “Do you hear yourself?”

“Shush!” Steve laughed. During that laugh, Tony bucked up his hips and succeeded in flipping their positions, “Good! Now attack my face.” Steve took Tony’s hands and instructed him to repeatedly strike his face, “You want to be more trouble than you’re worth, but keep your core safe. ”  

 “Seriously, what do you think I get up to?” Tony asked, looking down at the older man.

Steve shrugged, “I just want you to be able to defend yourself if you need to.”

 Tony smiled and slapped Steve’s shoulder, “With these muscles to protect me? Nah.”

Steve returned the smile, “Sure, if you’re going to stay where I **can** take care of you.”

He sat up, holding Tony’s waist to steady him. He saw Tony’s eyes widen and heard him inhale and then saw his face fall when Steve removed his hands. Tony wore his feelings on his face and Steve actually found it endearing.

“So, yeah, attack the face and then book it.” Steve nodded.

Tony nodded in response, feeling oddly frozen.

  


 

Steve glanced over and saw Bucky’s hands shaking, the left gripping a steak knife so tight his knuckles were white. Steve wiped off his soapy hands and walked silently over to his husband. He reached for his wrist, making the other jump.

 “It’s okay.” He whispered, reaching with his other hand for the knife handle, “You’re home, you’re safe in America.”

 Bucky’s wide eyes stared back at Steve, his breath shallow.

“You’re safe.” Steve repeated, nodding slowly as he tried to pry the utensil from the other. Bucky’s eyes narrowed and he muttered something in German. Steve jumped back just as Bucky’s arm swung out.

 “Bucky.” Steve lowered his voice like a warning, “The war is over.”

He didn’t want to do this today. He glanced around the kitchen, looking at what he could use. He didn’t want to have to defend himself against his husband today.

“Please don’t make me do this.” He whispered, defeatedly.

Bucky lunged and Steve had to bat his hand away. Grasping for anything, he reached into the soapy water they had been using to clean dishes with and grabbed a cup and tossed the water at Bucky’s face. Using this distraction he swirled around the other and caught him in a choke hold, yanking him down to the floor.

“Stop.” He growled as Bucky fought against him.This wasn’t the right way to do it, tethering him down only prolonged the process, it made whatever brainwashed power that still existed in him fight harder.

 “Please,” He said gently, nuzzling against Bucky’s long hair, “Please, babe. Come back to me.”

After a while, Bucky stopped struggling. And experience made Steve wary. When Bucky turned in his arms and looked up at him he knew it was over.

Bucky inhaled and turned away, “I’m sorry.”

 “It’s-”

“It’s not alright, Steve.” Bucky answered before he could get the words out, standing up and running his good hand through his now wet hair, “It’s fucked up is what it is. You shouldn’t have to..ugh.”

 Steve watched him shift around, wanting to offer words of encouragement, to tell his husband that he didn’t care. But it was getting harder and harder to tell that lie.

  
  


 

“Tony? Tony could I get your attention?”

Pepper let out a noise of annoyance and tossed a paper clip at the teenager who yelped.  
“What?”

“If you’d be so kind, I was talking about the company before you were distracted..” Tony’s gaze was already back out the window as she spoke, “Tony! What is with you today?”

He turned, his brain still thinking about the way Steve’s thighs felt on top of him, the way his hands felt on his skin, “Hm?”

“Really..” She shook her head, “Are you getting enough sleep? You’re _not_ intoxicated during my meeting I hope?”

“I wish I was.” He grumbled as he sank lower in the chair.

“I realize this isn’t exactly fascinating to you-”

  “It really isn’t.” Tony answered, more to himself than at her. Ever since their little defense session, Tony couldn’t stop imagining Steve on top of him. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way Steve smelled, the way he grabbed Tony’s hips.

Pepper frowned at him, “What’s going on with you? Usually you can at least give me _some_ banter. Tony? **Tony**.” She smacked the surface of her desk to get his attention.

“What?!” He whined, pulling himself up into an upright position.

She narrowed her eyes at him, “What is going on, Young Man?”

He sneered at her tone, “Nothing.”

“Are you still seeing that counselor?”

“Yes.” He rolled his eyes and dug out his phone. Pining after the other man was making him feel dumb. He didn’t get crushes, he didn’t _have_ to chase after people. But here he was, unable to think of anything else.

  Pepper straightened at the knock at the door, Tony slumping when he heard Obadiah’s greeting.

“ _There_ are my gems!” He slapped his hands on Tony’s shoulders, giving them a squeeze, “Sorry I was detained, Pepper keeping you up to speed?”

  “Riveting.” Tony nodded.

Obadiah leaned against the desk, putting his pack to the woman, “So, we were thinking that since your birthday is coming up soon we should throw an event.”

 Tony rolled his eyes in as dramatic a fashion as he could muster, “Dear lord..”

“Listen-”

“Why don’t I have a double for these things yet? _Seriously_?!” Tony asked, aiming the question at Pepper.

 “Tony-”  
“How long exactly am I going to have to keep posing? What age am I allowed to live out of the spotlight?” Tony crossed his arms defensively, a motion that pulled at Pepper’s heart.

“You’re a Stark, this is how things are.”

Tony closed his eyes and dug his nails into his arm, “Then take the name. I don’t want it.”

  “Whether we throw this thing or not,” Obadiah said, leaning forward toward Tony, “The public is going to be interested in seeing the _golden boy_ come of age. So you can give them the pretty pictures they want or they’ll come find you at your home or whatever alleyway and capture whatever private moment you’re having.”

 Tony glared back at the older man. “That sounded like a threat.”

“I’m telling you the facts, Kid.”

Tony hated the way Obadiah always looked at him with that knowing grin, he hated the way the man had so much power over him, he hated he’d ever let himself get so blackout messed up that the man could feel him up. At the time he had been sleeping with a few of his Father’s drinking buddies, but **that** was an encounter he hadn’t meant to let happen.  

 “Tony,” Pepper interjected, having to lean around Obadiah, “maybe just a press conference to..” She trailed off at the glare he was giving her. She hated agreeing with Stane in front of him, it felt like a betrayal. She’d been working for Stark Industries for quite a few years and had struggled with Tony along the way but she developed a fondness for the teenager. Under that sulky attitude and troublemaking grin, she knew he just wanted to be treated like a human being.

 “We can make this all go away in a few weeks with a signature.”

Pepper frowned and Tony rolled his eyes, “Even if I **did** sign everything over I’d still have to deal with this bullshit.”

   “But we all know you have no interest in running this company.”

“You don’t know anything about my interests,” Tony sniffed.

Obadiah smirked, “Right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I just went from 20 hours (not my idea) at work to 40 hours (also not my idea) so it's been hard to sneak in writing while I'm there. BUT, my boss was away the past two days and I managed it!  
> Thank you to those of you who started following me on Tumblr! Always nice to see what you guys are up to.
> 
> If anyone's interested in my real person blog: https://3rinsimone.wordpress.com/
> 
> In case you missed the top notes:  
> I've been noticing some confusion in the comments, I'm a little worried about the people who don't seem to understand the direction Tony/Steve's relationship its going... So I'm going to address it head on: this is going to turn into an unhealthy/inappropriate REALationship, Kids (ahem, check the tags). And I KNOW. I KNOW what I'm writing, this isn't a fluffy family story. So if that doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy or can stomach, I'd advice you stop reading now.


	14. Green Light

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

 “You didn’t hurt anyone.”

“I  _ could  _ have. You shouldn’t have to fight me.” Bucky answered, staring at the floor.

Steve looked over at him, saw the anger in his eyes, “It’s fine.”

“It’s not.” Bucky repeated.

Steve sighed because he didn’t have an argument. He raked a hand through his hair, knowing he should say something comforting, but he’d already said all the words. He’d already said it was fine. He’d already said he didn’t care. 

“I know you don’t want to hear it...but maybe you should reconsider the doctor’s recommendation-”

“I don’t want to be brainwashed again, Steve!” He snapped.

Steve closed his mouth and pursed his lips, closing his eyes for a brief moment, “Buck, you know that’s not what will happen. You thought that about therapy and it’s been-”

“It  _ hasn’t  _ been helping.” 

“Well  **maybe** if you agreed to try the medication you’d see some progress.”

 Bucky looked over at Steve with a strange face. He shook his head and stood just as the front door opened. Tony stopped when he saw both sets of eyes on him.

 “What?”

“Where have you been?”

“Are we  _ still  _ doing this?” Tony asked, rolling his eyes like he was genuinely tired. 

“So that meeting really took all day?” Bucky asked.

 Tony crossed his arms, “The parenting act is stale. I’ll go where I like, when I like and if  **you** don’t like that, I’d be happy to find somewhere else to live.”

 It was Steve’s turn to stand, “Tony, can you just give us a heads up if you’re going to be gone for long periods of time?” 

 “Or when you’re going to come back drunk.” Bucky muttered.

“First of all,” Tony let out a laugh and indicated to himself,“ _ This _ , isn’t drunk, this isn’t even close. When are you going to get it? We  _ aren’t  _ playing house. If you want to control something get a hold of you own brain.” 

 “You want to talk about brains?” Bucky stepped forward, Tony staring up at him, neither refusing to back down, “How about that therapist you blew off? If you’re going to lie about where you go you obviously shouldn’t be trusted to go out without an escort.” 

 “Yeah,” Tony scoffed, “ **I’m** the one who can’t be trusted. At least I don’t try to kill anyone in their sleep. No wonder the people who live with you are both insomniacs.”

  Steve rolled his eyes and took a step forward, in between the two bodies that radiated hatred, “I think we should all go to bed.” 

“I would,” Tony said, turning to walk away, “But I’m too scared I’m going to get strangled in the night.” 

Bucky turned and walked in the opposite direction, stomping to the kitchen. Steve was grateful they weren’t in the same room anymore. He hated when Tony goaded Bucky like that because he always pulled at the strings they were pretending didn’t exist. He had a terrible way of pointing out the things Steve wanted to hide. 

  
  
  


 

 Tony slipped into the passenger seat, slamming the door behind him. Steve wanted to ask him how the session had gone but he knew he shouldn’t. He had all kinds of questions he wanted to ask. He glanced over at the teen as he pulled the car away and realized that Tony was giving him a weird look.

 “What?”

“You’re thinking too loud.”

Steve laughed, “I was just wondering how it went.”

“Obviously.” Tony said, digging a packet of cigarettes from his pocket.

“Hey-”

“I’m rolling down the  _ window _ ,” Tony grumbled as he pulled out his lighter, rolling his eyes as he pressed the window button, “I have so few pleasures in life and here you are trying to-”

 “Hush.” 

Tony grinned and lit his cigarette, blowing the smoke from the car as a courtesy that Steve really hadn’t expected. Howard never seemed to notice that someone else may not want to breathe in the smoke and Steve had  _ seen _ Tony purposely blow smoke in someone’s face. 

  Steve cleared his throat, “So, how  _ did _ it go?” 

Tony gave Steve a look of annoyance, “Confidentiality, Stephanie.”

“Right, you’re right.” He nodded, keeping his eyes on the road, “I just..I was concerned because..” 

He drifted off when he saw the look Tony was giving him, “Therapy is never fun, Steve.” 

“Well, obviously but, I was worried...since you skipped the last session, I thought..”

Tony blew smoke out the window, “No, nothing happened. I just didn’t want to go.”

Steve frowned, “I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to do..”

Tony smirked, “You’re so bad at this.”

“Huh?” 

 He shook his head and flicked the end of his cigarette out the window, “You’re just a little inconsistent with what you want from me.” 

“You want to know what I want?”

“Desperately.” Tony nodded, raising his eyebrows with a smile.

 Steve rolled his eyes, “I want you to feel at home and trust us.”

“Trust you? I cried in your arms, do I  _ seem _ like the kind of person who does that with just anyone?” 

Steve sighed, turning on the car’s lights on as the sky turned dark, “Yeah. Sorry I just..I’m still training myself with you. I look at you and..” He glanced over and saw Tony’s face.

 “You still see my father?” Tony offered, mouth pinched. 

Steve wanted to argue his point, “How can I not?” Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tony cross his arms, “That isn’t a bad thing, Tony. He was a wonderful man.” 

 Tony leaned forward as if he’d been startled.

“What?” 

 Tony held up a hand, frowning as he turned the radio off. Steve didn’t hear what Tony could hear but he heard the loud bang the car emitted. 

“Shit!” They both jumped as the car came to a stop, “Are you kidding me?”

“Are you really suprised this piece of shit is breaking down again?” Tony asked, opening his door.

“ **You** were the one who touched it last, mister mechanical genius!” Steve snapped, climbing from his seat. 

“I take no responsibility for this shitbox falling apart” Tony answered, lifting the top of the car and poking his head in. Immediately, he yanked back as smoke flooded from the front. 

“Fuck, I should really keep some tools in the back if you’re going to insist on driving this pile of junk.”

Steve let out a whine of frustration, “Smoke’s never good..”

“Bingo.” Tony coughed, waving his hand to clear the substance before he bent down again, “Ugh, I can’t see anything.” He dug his phone out of his pocket and held it up so the light fell down, “Seriously, Steve, why are you driving his thing? I don’t think they even make parts for it anymore.”

“They don’t.” Steve answered, hands on his hips as he looked around, damning himself for taking a back road for its scenic atmosphere, “Can you fix it?”

“Of course I can fix it,” Tony huffed, practically climbing into the car, “if I had tools or  _ light  _ or if I wasn’t being suffocated by smoke.” 

 Steve sighed, “Hand me the phone, I’ll call someone to come get us.” 

Tony chucked the phone over to the other man as he pulled himself from the hood and went around the other end. He popped the trunk and rooted around, mumbling and making angry noises.

 “ **WHY** don’t you have  _ any  _ tools?! I refuse to believe this thing has never broken down on you before I came along.” Tony shouted as Steve dialed.

“Ugh, no service.” 

“You don’t say?” Tony muttered, as he searched the back seat, “No service in the middle of nowhere? Let me put my shock face on.”

 “Shut up.”

“You shut up.” Tony shot back. He returned to the front of the car with a flathead screwdriver and pliers, “Can you bring the light back over here?”

 Steve walked over and held the phone up so Tony could see. Tony fell silent as he fought with the machine. Every once in awhile he’d grunt at the car but Steve could tell he was enjoying himself. Letting his eyes wander, Steve stared up at the sky as the stars started to appear. He smiled as he recognized the familiar constellations in the night. It was something he’d always appreciated, being able to find familiar signs in the night. It made him feel secure no matter where he was.

 Tony frowned and looked up when Steve’s wandering gaze made the phone’s light bounce around, “ _ Stephanie _ , the strobe light effect isn’t working for me.”

“Oh, sorry.” Steve shook his head and held the phone steady. He let his head fall back so he could stare up at the sky again, a smile crawling back onto his face.

“What are you leering at?”  

Steve blinked. Tony made it so  _ hard _ . He sounded so much like Howard sometimes, he made the same faces, especially when he was angry. 

Steve swallowed before he answered, “The stars, they’re beautiful tonight.”

 Tony crained his neck back and frowned, “Seriously, Stephanie?”

“What? It’s gorgeous.”

“It’s literally dots in the dark. There’s no need to get artistic about it.”

Steve laughed at Tony’s humorless tone, “Come on, it’s so much more than that. It’s everything mankind has ever wanted, it’s infinite and unattainable and..amazing.” 

Tony stared up at the sky, still frowning as he tried to see whatever Steve was seeing that  _ he  _ could not.

“Doesn’t it make you feel small?” 

“It makes me feel like I’m going to fall over.” Tony replied, still tilting his head to see.

Steve smirked and sat down on the ground, grabbing Tony’s arm and dragging him down with him, “Sit then. It’s not like the car’s going anywhere.” 

 “Oh my god, you want to make a  **thing** of it?” 

“It’s called stargazing.”

“Oh my god.” Tony repeated, letting himself fall backwards like he just couldn’t  _ handle  _ Steve anymore.

 Steve grabbed Tony’s hoodie and yanked him back up, “It’s not going to hurt you.”

“It might. I might have a finite amount of space in my brain and this might be replacing something of actual value.” 

Steve laughed, “You’re so dramatic.” 

“And you’re so-”

“See that,” Steve interrupted, pointing up at the sky, “That’s Auriga.”

Tony continued to frown in confusion.

“It’s like a map,” Steve smiled, “How is that not interesting to you? You study  quantum electrodynamics!”

Tony shrugged, “It’s not useful information.” 

 Steve huffed and gave Tony a nudge, “I know for a fact that your day is not filled with only constructive adult activities. Don’t act like this is beneath you.” 

  Tony crossed his arms, “I didn’t say it was...I just don’t get it. I’m not getting anything out of this.” 

 Steve had had this exact conversation with Howard so many times over so many topics. Everything needed to serve a purpose or it wasn’t worth his time and Tony had inherited this trait. 

 “Well, maybe you should stop trying to understand it and just  _ experience  _ it.” 

Tony tilted his head back up and went silent, leaning against Steve slightly. Steve smiled, glad that Tony was giving it a try, that was definitely a difference between Tony and Howard. 

“Did you make my Dad do this?” Tony asked, as if he could read Steve’s thoughts.

“No,” Steve chuckled, shaking his head, “stargazing was definitely something he refused to do..a lot of outdoor activities.” 

 “Big shock.” Tony grunted.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but you  _ are  _ a lot like him.” He heard Tony sigh so he continued, “But that’s not all bad, Tony. And trust me, there are big differences. He could be really cold, I mean, you know that..He had a really hard time expressing..anything. And you, you wear your feelings right on your face, whether you mean to or not, and it’s just really, nice. There isn’t any hidden bullshit with you.”

 Tony had stopped staring at the stars and had turned to watch Steve while he talked. His skin felt hot as Steve talked about him like he knew him. Like he’d been studying Tony in secret.

 “That’s what I was always asking for..with Howard. I just wanted him to be open about his feelings and..I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I guess that’s another difference, you’re willing to let me ramble..”

  There was a sadness in Steve’s tone that made Tony want to fix it. He wanted to be that person Steve was talking about. He wanted to be what Steve wanted. He leaned forward and kissed Steve’s jaw, and when Steve didn’t pull away, he continued until Steve’s own head was turning to meet his lips. Green light.

Tony leaned in even closer, inhaling Steve’s sandalwood smell as his nose grazed Steve’s cheek. Steve kissed back, he was an active participant so when he pulled away Tony almost whined.

 “Um..” Steve’s eyes were squeezed shut, his face pinched into a frown, “I uh..”

“Steve.”

God, he couldn’t deal with the way Tony said his name. He was trying to give Steve validation while also trying to hide his own hurt feelings.

“I think you should...should keep working on the car.” He stood up, hands on his hips like he was trying to make a decision. Tony’s heart was pounding in his ears as he sat watching Steve begin to pace around. 

“I’m gonna try the phone again, for a second. Maybe the service is better.” 

“Steve.” Tony’s voice sounded so hurt that Steve had to walk away.

“It’s fine, Tony.” He said through clenched teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to pretend he hadn’t just let that happen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we go!
> 
> I hope there is no more confusion as to where this story is going...
> 
> Thank you to those of you who comment and added me on Tumblr! It's great to hear from you kittens! 
> 
> If you get sick of waiting for me to update I'd suggest going to check out my other stories, all just as awful and angsty as this one and you won't have to wait for the updates (haha sorry you poor bastards who did) OR if you get really bored check out my tumblr or wordpress blog for explanations as to WHY it takes me so long to update.
> 
> Tumblr: http://undertheblu.tumblr.com
> 
> Wordpress: https://wordpress.com/stats/insights/3rinsimone.wordpress.com


	15. "It's already happening"

“Tony.”

Tony walked around the side of the car and headed toward the garage.

“Tony,” Steve repeated when he received no answer, “Tony, look-”

“I’m just going out. I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’m going out.” 

 “Tony, it’s late. Just-”

“Bye.” Tony answered before he disappeared. 

 Steve sighed and leaned against the car for a moment. He didn’t want to go inside. He didn’t want to face his husband. But he did. He dragged himself up to the house and went in. His heart was beating so fast, like he was afraid Bucky might know already and accuse him. When he turned a corner and was met with his husband he froze. 

Bucky stood, frowning, “Where have you been?”

 “The car.” Steve answered, “It uh, broke down.” 

“Again? Jesus, why didn’t you call? I was worried-”

 “The phone didn’t have service.” Steve shrugged apologetically, “I’m sorry, I tried.”

Bucky sighed and crossed his arms, “Well, I guess you can’t really help that. Man, we need to get you a new car. That’s twice in one month, I’m glad you’re okay. Wait, where’s the punk?” 

 Steve felt his face flush, “He went out.” 

Bucky made a face, “And you just let him go, huh?” 

Steve nodded, knowing full well how sheepish he must look, “It’s hard to tell him what to do.” 

He looked up when Bucky huffed, “He plays you like a fucking fiddle.”

 Steve inhaled, trying to push down his thoughts, “Let’s go to bed.” 

Bucky nodded, “I talked with Fury today and I..think I want to try a mission.”

 Steve’s face fell, “Buck..” 

“I know. Trust me, I know. But..Steve, I can’t just keep working at a desk, I can’t do it. I think it’s making things worse..” 

 Steve wanted to argue but he also understood Bucky’s reasoning. Bucky wanted to get back on the horse, he wanted to prove he was still useful to Shield. Steve understood because he couldn’t stand working in the office either. They’d both given up field positions when Bucky had his break down. 

“I think it’ll help. It’s just a couple of days and..they’re watching me obviously so..if anything does happen..”  

 Steve was frowning, hands on his hips as he stared at his husband, “Do you really think you could do it? Do you really think it’s smart to hold a gun?” 

 “Nat and Sam will assist, it’s really just a lift mission. So, there  _ shouldn’t  _ be violence.” 

Steve sighed and pulled his husband into a hug, “I don’t want you to. But, if you think it’s something you have to do, if you really think it’s going to help..”

“I do.” Bucky nodded again, “I’ll be careful, Steve.” 

  
  
  
  


“I thought you weren’t coming?” Johnny asked as he shut the door behind Tony. 

“I changed my mind.” Tony answered, glancing around at all the people in Johnny’s place before he turned back to him, “What party favors do you have tonight?”

Johnny let out a sigh that couldn’t be heard over the music, he placed a hand on the small of Tony’s back as they walked forward into the apartment, “What sort of  _ up _ do you want, Babe?” 

 “I don’t want to feel my face.” Tony muttered.

“Are you okay?”

 “You know you’re not allowed to ask that.” Tony turned on a smile as Wanda danced over with two shot glasses. It was true, Johnny had agreed not to pressure Tony into talking about his feelings a long time ago. But he couldn’t help worrying about Tony, his usual angst was one thing but Tony had been different since his parents’ death.

“Why hello, my Darling! How kind of you to grace us with your presence!” She sang as she handed him one of the glasses. He tipped it to his lips and downed the shot as she slipped her arm around him, “I don’t get to see enough of you, Sugar.”

  “Sorry, Sweetcakes.” 

She brushed through his hair in a very similar way his mother did when she was trying to get him to do something, “Don’t look so sad,  Mândru, only people that love you here.”

 He smiled and gave her a hug before turning to Johnny, “Those party favors you mentioned?” 

Johnny smirked, “You’re the one who mentioned it. Hold up, I’ll get you some K.” 

“Is that men a gem or what?” Tony muttered, reaching for his cigarettes but rethinking it. 

“Are you doing okay, Sweetness?” Wanda asked, running her hand through his hair again as they sat down. 

“Will be when I get a bump of something..”    
“I worry about you. You and Johnny are okay, right?” 

 “Mhm.” He looked up when Johnny reappeared with a plate. He sat down next to Tony and placed the plate with the lines on the table top, “You’re gorgeous, you know that, right?” Tony said, leaning forward and inhaling a line of the ketamine. 

  He leaned back in his chair with a smile, letting his eyes close as he tilted back his head. Johnny knew deep down that there was something sadistic about the way it made him happy to see Tony like that. He felt pride any time he could give Tony the escape he needed.

 He let Tony have his space, but kept an eye on him while he made out with Wanda’s brother. He wanted to interrupt, he wanted to tell Pietro to fuck off, but he wasn’t suppose to. He wasn’t suppose to acknowledge his feelings for Tony, he was suppose to pretend he was okay watching Tony screw around with anyone. But Tony was out of it, barely knew who he was kissing, and Johnny couldn’t help feeling protective when he was like that. Tony could take care of himself, but he was always putting himself in vulnerable situations. 

 “You’re pining again.” Wanda said, wrapping an arm around Johnny’s neck.

“I’m not.”

 “You are.” She nodded, following Johnny’s gaze, “You’re angry Tony’s making out with..my brother?” She made a face, “Yeesh, this is bad idea for everyone. Darling, this is how he is.” 

“I know.”

  She frowned sympathetically, “He is a bad one to fall for, Darling. Too much anger and too wild. You need to protect your heart with him.”

He rolled his eyes, “I’m..going to go get more gin.” 

She laughed and followed after, “You cannot just walk away from my insight!” 

  “Oh but I can.” He smirked, handing her another cup. He glanced over toward the spot he’d last seen Tony and looked around when he realized he’d gone.  _ Stop it _ .

He didn’t want Tony to hook up with someone else, especially not in his own apartment. His heart jumped when Tony reappeared. He sauntered up to Johnny and hugged his arms around him. Wanda sighed to herself at the way Johnny looked at Tony. 

  Tony grabbed the bottle of gin and tugged Johnny’s hand, “Come on.” 

They disappeared into Johnny’s bedroom. Tony tilted the bottle to his lips while Johnny sat on the bed. 

 “You lost your K buzz, huh?” 

“Damn shit only lasts an hour,” Tony smirked, straddling Johnny’s lap. He melted against Johnny’s chest, curling under his chin.

 “Hey-” 

“Shut up.” Tony tilted his head up and kissed the other, “You love me, don’t you?” 

 “Tony.” Johnny sighed.

 “Don’t you?” He repeated, whining as he shifted in Johnny’s lap so they grinded against one another. 

 He nodded, bending against him, “You know I do.” 

  “Prove it,” Tony purred into Johnny’s ear, kissing his jaw as Johnny’s hands pulled him closer, “Show me. Show me you love me.” 

  Johnny knew Tony was using him because he was upset about something and he knew Tony knew what he was doing. But he didn’t care, while it was happening he didn’t care. As long as Tony continued to press his body up against his. Johnny flipped their positions and started kissing Tony’s neck the way he liked, making him whine. 

 “You know I love you.” He whispered against Tony’s shoulder as he tugged at his own jeans, “You  _ know  _ that.” 

Tony arched his back, rolling against the other. Johnny yanked off his own shirt and then Tony’s. Tony reached up and kissed Johnny’s lips, catching his bottom lip between his teeth. God. Johnny knew he should stop and ask Tony what was wrong. He knew he should kick Tony out until he was sober. But Tony knew all his buttons, knew how to get him fired up in a second. And when Tony got like this, acknowledging Johnny’s feelings, he could do whatever he wanted with Johnny.

  
  
  


   Tony sat up, that brief moment of “Where am I?” washing over him before he recognized the familiar bed. He looked down at Johnny, still asleep, or pretending to be. He let out a sigh and fell back down into the warmth of the sheets. He closed his eyes and listened to Johnny’s breath, smiling when Johnny nuzzled close. He exhaled and was met by sudden panic. He sat up straight again, remembering the night before. Before the party, before Johnny. He’d kissed Steve and he’d been shot down. No one ever told him no. No one.

 Johnny woke from the sudden movement and touched Tony’s arm, “Hey, is it one of the nightmares?” 

Tony slapped his hand away and threw off the sheets so he could stand. No one told him no. Ever. Especially not unhappily married men with psycho spouses. Especially not under the fucking stars. Especially not after they got a taste. Tony could usually talk anyone into sex but once they locked lips it was a  _ guarantee _ . He grabbed his pants from the floor and yanked them on.

“Tony.”

“Shut up, I’m trying to think.” Tony snapped, running a hand through his hair. He wanted to hit something. Why? Why had Steve pulled away? What had Tony done wrong? Steve had been going on about how great Tony was..so what was the problem? 

 Johnny had sat up and was reaching for Tony, “Hey, come here.” 

Tony looked at him, holding out his hand, still naked, looking at Tony with such fucking concern.

“Stop it.” Tony said, frowning at the other as he crossed his arms over his chest.

 “What?”

“Stop looking at me like that. I’m not going to break.” 

 It was Johnny’s turn to frown, “Oh yeah? I think the only reason you  **don’t** break is because I keep catching you.” 

 “Go fuck yourself.” Tony rolled his eyes and started searching for his shirt. He had been wearing a shirt last night, hadn’t he?

 Johnny shook his head, “You’re unbelievable sometimes. And I know I should know better, I should be used to this by now, but sometimes I just can’t believe you.” 

“What?” Tony questioned over his shoulder as he searched through Johnny’s closet for something to wear, “You’re mad because I won’t fucking snuggle with you?” 

“I’m mad that you get to walk away and not think about me until you need your next high.”

Tony laughed, grabbing a shirt and pulling it over his head, “Yeah, not doing this. It’s way too early for this shit.” 

Johnny stood and found his own pants, “It’s always too early for this isn’t it? It’s always too early or late or you’re too fucking messed up to have this discussion.” 

 “So stop trying to have it! Take the fucking hint, Johnny!” 

“I’ll take the hint when you stop showing up in my bed!”

Tony let out an angry noise and rolled his eyes, yanking the door open and exiting the room, “For the love of Christ, get  _ over  _ yourself!” 

   “You were  _ begging  _ me to tell you I love you last night. Literally  _ begging _ !” 

“And right now, I’m begging you to fuck off.” Tony answered as he strode through the apartment, passing by a bewildered Pietro who was trying to make toast. Wanda appeared from her room, frowning at them.

“Why is there yelling so early in the morning?” 

“Because I ended up in the wrong bed last night.” Tony answered, grabbing his shoes and pulling them on, “Should have stayed with you, Pietro, at least then-”

 “Go right ahead!” Johnny shot back, “By all means, go suck off my roommate, I’m just your drug dealer, right? So why should it matter?” 

Tony rolled his eyes again, realizing finally that he had a headache. He turned and opened the door, ignoring whatever was said as he left. 

  
  
  
  


Steve looked up from his laptop at the sound of the door, he stood and then sat back down. He told himself that he should leave Tony alone. But when he heard Tony start up the stairs he called, “Hey.”

Tony appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame, “What?”

Steve sighed, “You know what I’m going to say.” 

Tony tilted his eyes like he was thinking, “I think you’re going to tell me that look like I haven’t gotten enough sleep and need to eat something, probably one of your magic protein kale concoctions.”

 Steve smiled and nodded, “You do look like you didn’t get much sleep.” 

Tony shrugged, looking back at Steve, “I didn’t.” 

Steve inhaled and set his laptop down, “Do you want me to make you something?” 

 Tony shook his head, “I’ll get sick if I eat.”

_ Howard _ . 

“I know how to make breakfast for hangovers,” Steve said as he headed toward the kitchen.

“I don’t want any-”

 “I’m not asking anymore, I’m telling you.” He glanced over his shoulder to see Tony pout and it made him smile. After a pause, Tony followed after.

 “Where’s the Angry One?” Tony asked, slipping into sit at the counter.

“ _ Bucky _ is at work. Will be for a couple days.” 

 “I thought you guys only worked from home.”

“We actually do go into office sometimes but yeah, for the most part, but he’s trying something different.”

“Hmm,” Tony rested his chin in the palm of his hand, “Must be getting bored with the surroundings.” Steve shot Tony a look, “Can’t blame him.”

“Well, if you hate it here so much, you must be looking forward to going back to school.” 

Tony rolled his eyes, “Oh yeah, so we can do the whole “poor Tony, no family” thing again. Really looking forward to it.”

 Steve frowned sympathetically. It was so evident that Tony didn’t want to be pitied but it was hard not to. He poured ingredients into a blender, made up a cup and handed it over to the teenager.

“I’m not drinking that.” 

“It’ll make you feel better.”

 “I feel fine.” 

“You don’t look fine. Now drink it.” 

Tony smirked, standing and walking over to stand next to Steve as he created, “You can’t tell me what to do with my body.” 

 He let his should brush against Steve’s, leaning his body against the counter, cocking his hip so his knee bumped Steve’s leg. 

  Steve smiled and handed Tony an egg, “Be useful.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 Tony shot up in his bed, a startled cry erupting from his throat as he awoke from his nightmare. He threw off the blankets like he was being swallowed or strangled by them and covered his ears. He shook his head, trying to shake the nightmare that had followed him into reality. He didn’t realize he was shaking until his fingernails started digging into his neck. He shook his head again and threw his legs over the side of the bed, staggering as he stood. Arms crossed over himself protectively, he strode across the room and pulled a bottle of whiskey out of his closet. 

 After taking a long drink and another shake of his head, he cradled the bottle in his arms and shuffled from the room and down the stairs. He slumped down on the couch, tucking his legs under him and curling up. He lifted the whiskey to his lips, sighing as the alcohol tipped down his throat, calming him like a soothing word. He let his eyes close but he was quickly reminded of his nightmare and he sat up once more. Taking another long drink, Tony leaned his head against the back of the couch, desperately wishing he could go back to sleep. His body hurt from the tension the nightmare had created and he couldn’t help shifting in his seat.

  
  


 Steve had woken to his own nightmare, shivering as he realized he was alone in his bed. He had immediately left the house and gone for a run by the light of the street lamps to distract himself and to feel some heat. Jogging back to the house, he thought about what he should do with Tony while Bucky was away. He needed to have some sort of conversation about what had happened, but he didn’t know how to. He didn’t even know what to think about what had happened. Tony had kissed him and it had been so easy,  _ too _ easy. He’d had to force himself to pull away. There was nothing acceptable about that.

  When he got in the house he realized he was covered in sweat so he pulled off his sweatshirt and muscle shirt, tossing them to the floor, telling himself he’d get them in the morning. He got himself a glass of water, leaning against the sink before he actually took a drink. He just wished he could sleep. His brain never seemed to turn off at night. 

  He wandered aimlessly through the dining room, thinking of chores or work he could do to distract himself. But when he wandered into the living room and saw Tony on the couch he forgot about those plans. He walked over and sighed at the whiskey bottle Tony was cradling against his Ramones t-shirt. 

 “Tony.” 

The teenager opened his eyes and squinted up at him, “What?”

“What are you doing?”

 “I couldn’t sleep.”

Steve frowned sympathetically, “So your answer is whiskey?” 

Tony shrugged, looking so tired, “I want to sleep.” 

Steve kneeled down in front of the couch, easing the bottle from Tony’s grasp, realizing that it was the same brand he remembered Howard drinking. Each of them were still so hung up on the man.

 Tony looked exhausted and Steve couldn’t help feeling sorry for him, his own nightmares were so draining. When Steve reached forward and pushed Tony’s hair from his face, Tony opened his eyes and squinted at Steve like he was confused about how Steve had got down to his level.

“Why are you naked?”

 “I’m not.” 

Tony frowned and leaned forward to make sure, pouting when he saw that Steve spoke the truth, “I’d be naked all the time if I looked like that.” 

 Steve laughed, “Shush.” 

Tony smiled, shrugging again, “As long as I’m amusing you’ll forgive whatever I say.”

 “You sure think that, don’t you?” Steve smirked, “Why’d you come down here?” 

Tony shifted, frowning as he hugged the throw pillow, “I didn’t want to be in that bed.” 

“Why?” Steve pried, brushing Tony’s hair again.

 Tony opened his eyes and frowned at Steve, “Why were  **you** up?”

Steve raised an eyebrow and stood, pushing Tony over so he could sit down with him, “Does it help to have someone with you?” 

_ Yes _ . Tony pouted and shrugged. He reached forward and picked up the whiskey bottle from the coffee table. He gave Steve a look when he sighed, “What? I want to sleep.”

“That’s passing out you’re trying for, Champ.” Tony sneered at him as he took the bottle again, “How about if I stay with you? Okay? Come on, horizontal.” 

 “Seriously?” Tony scoffed as Steve pushed him down, grabbing his legs and setting them over his lap, “I don’t need-”

“Yeah yeah, you don’t need anything, shush.” 

 Tony looked at Steve like he was ready to stick out his tongue like the two year old he was deep down but he didn’t. He set his head down and let Steve rub circles into his shin. 

“It’s okay to sleep,” Steve said softly, like he’d said it before, “You’re safe here….I won’t let anything happen to you.”

He smiled when Tony’s body relaxed and his breathing slowed to a calm, deep pulse. 

  
  
  
  


   When Tony woke, he felt the weight of another person. He looked up and saw Steve’s body was half draped over his own and it made his heart jump. He remembered falling asleep near Steve, he remembered Steve insisting on stroking his leg in a soothing rhythm. Steve had been sitting up, with Tony’s legs in his lap, but he’d obviously fallen asleep himself and had slid down the couch. His breathing was deep and constant, his face peaceful as he dreamed. Tony realized he was smiling as he watched Steve sleep.

 He did not understand what was so special about the man, he didn’t understand why he felt so stupid around him and wanted his attention all the time. Tony never had to do the chasing and Tony never felt the need. He never cared enough, no one was ever interesting enough for him to chase. But Steve, Steve was different. He was so... _ good _ . Maybe it was the contrast that Tony found so attractive. He usually ended up with sleazy people that he could relate to, that he knew would disappoint. But Steve was so good, so kind and he just seemed to _ put up _ with Tony in a different way. Tony rarely felt like Steve was judging him and Steve never acted like Tony was a burden. He acted like he enjoyed Tony, wanted him around, wanted to understand him. 

  Tony leaned up and kissed Steve’s lower lip, then kissed again and again until Steve was stirring and kissing back. He  **was** kissing back, this wasn’t Tony’s imagination. Steve instinctively returned the kiss, reaching with one of his hands to cup Tony’s face as he hummed in appreciation. Tony’s chest filled up, making him feel warm as Steve parted his lips and deepened the kiss. Tony emitted a little unconscious whine as he arched up against the other. This wasn’t in his head, Steve was actively participating, his hand that had been on Tony’s face now sliding behind Tony’s head and pulling him closer. 

    And suddenly Steve yanked away, eyes shut and eyebrows pinched. He moved slowly, removing his hands and backing away.

“Steve.” Tony pleaded, sitting up.

“No.” Steve said, almost sternly as he shook his head, eyes still shut, “I can’t do this.”

 “Steve, it’s not-”

“ **No** .” Steve repeated, eyes snapping open to glare at the teenager, “This  **isn’t** happening, Tony.” 

  “It’s  _ already  _ happening.” Tony scoffed, unable to keep the attitude from his voice after being rejected a second time. 

“No it’s not. I’m your guardian, you’re..you’re just a kid. You’re fucking  _ Howard’s _ kid.” 

Tony frowned as Steve started to pace, “Can you not?” 

Steve looked at him incredulously, “Yes, Tony! That’s something to consider! Your father named me your guardian, this is so inappropriate! You’re in a vulnerable place and you’re..You’re not even eighteen!” 

 Tony let out a laugh, immediately covering his mouth, “Not once have you mentioned your husband.” 

 Steve’s face flushed red, “Tony-” 

“No,” Tony said, holding up his hands, “seriously Steve, don’t you think that means something? Don’t you think that should have been your first objection if this is so wrong?” 

  Steve crossed his arms over his big chest, hating how on the nose Tony’s words were. He hadn’t mentioned Bucky at all, “Tony…”

“Steve,” Tony sighed, taking a step forward, “you want this, you  **know** you want this.”

“No I’m-”

“Stuck in a loveless marriage.” Tony interrupted, “When was the last time he kissed you like  _ that _ ?” 

 “Stop it.” Steve snapped, eye’s widening in a way that made Tony’s mouth shut, “You don’t get to talk about my relationship like that.” 

 Tony exhaled, crossing his own arms and looking down at his feet, “If I’m so wrong why’d you kiss back?” 

 Steve frowned, almost sadly, “I..I don’t know..” 

  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those of you who comment and added me on Tumblr! It's great to hear from you kittens!
> 
> If you get sick of waiting for me to update I'd suggest going to check out my other stories, all just as awful and angsty as this one and you won't have to wait for the updates (haha sorry you poor bastards who did) OR if you get really bored check out my tumblr or wordpress blog for explanations as to WHY it takes me so long to update.
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	16. Home Alone

_Steve’s face flushed red, “Tony-”_

_“No,” Tony said, holding up his hands, “seriously Steve, don’t you think that means something? Don’t you think that should have been your first objection if this is so wrong?”_

_Steve crossed his arms over his big chest, hating how on the nose Tony’s words were. He hadn’t mentioned Bucky at all, “Tony…”_

_“Steve,” Tony sighed, taking a step forward, “you want this, you **know** you want this.” _

_“No I’m-”_

_“Stuck in a loveless marriage.” Tony interrupted, “When was the last time he kissed you like that ?”_

_“Stop it.” Steve snapped, eye’s widening in a way that made Tony’s mouth shut, “You don’t get to talk about my relationship like that.”_

_Tony exhaled, crossing his own arms and looking down at his feet, “If I’m so wrong why’d you kiss back?”_

_Steve frowned, almost sadly, “I..I don’t know..”_

 

 

Steve looked up to see the anger spreading across Tony’s face. If he had ever saw a resemblance to Howard, it was nothing in comparison to how much Tony looked like his father when he was angry. His mouth pinched and his eyes narrowed, left eyebrow arching in a way that let Steve know he was about to get verbally assaulted.  

 “You don’t know?” Tony asked, tilting his head, eyes narrowing even more.

“I-”

 “See,” Tony held up his hand, just like Howard used to when he wanted make someone feel small, “I think you do know. I think you’re well aware how miserable you are in your _sham_ of a marriage and you’re desperate for someone else. ”

“Tony-”

 “I think that’s why you work so hard at playing house, you’re trying to convince everyone, **including** yourself, that you aren’t as lonely as you actually are.”

“Tony-” Steve tried again.

“No,” Tony laughed, “You can’t tell me you’ve kissed me twice and it doesn’t mean anything.”

“It means you look too much like your father.” Steve snapped, immediately regretting it at the way Tony’s face went slack. He sighed and decided to continue, “You’re a little ghost of something I used to have.”

  He watched Tony’s shoulders tense, his whole demeanor changing at the mention of his father. He looked away, his face turning a surprising shade of pink that Steve hadn’t seen on him before. Tony looked like all the fight had gone out of him but then he looked up and said, “Proving my point there, Steve.”

 

  


Tony lifted his cigarette to his lips, eyes squinting as he pulled a wire from it’s place. His legs were tucked under him on his stool as he pulled apart the microwave. Steve stopped when he saw Tony frowning so intensely. He was surprised Tony was still home after the fight they’d had. Usually he disappeared and came back high.

 “Tony-”

“Something’s wrong with it.” Tony answered through his cigarette.

 Steve frowned, “Really?”

  “Yup.” Tony nodded. Ignoring his phone as it vibrated on the table top.

“Stane calling?” Steve asked, crossing his arms over his large chest, leaning against the doorframe.

 “Probably.” Tony shrugged, removing his cigarette to blow out smoke.

Steve knew he should scold Tony for smoking in the house, but Tony’s body language kept him from it. The house phone started ringing and Steve moved forward to grab it but stopped when Tony turned in his seat.

 “Don’t. Please?”

Steve frowned, “Is something going on?”

Tony shook his head, “I just don’t want to listen to him today.”

Steve sighed and nodded, “Okay...Can’t really blame you there. He can be a bit much.”

Tony snorted, “Poor _Nanny_ deals with it all day long.”

Steve smiled at that, “Good to hear you can empathize.”

 Tony smirked and replaced the cigarette to his lips, “Woman chose that job, I don’t feel that bad.”

Tony’s phone started vibrating at the same time the house phone started ringing again.

“Its this going to happen all day?”

Tony shrugged, yanking a large part of the microwave’s insides with a great deal of force. Steve sighed softly, unable to push down how much he missed seeing Howard take appliances apart for no reason, like it was a compulsion.

 _“I’m_ **_fixing_ ** _it.” Howard answered, waving his cigarette._

_“There’s nothing wrong with it!”_

_“Just eat your toast and let me work!”_

_“You’re ridiculous.” Steve laughed._

  Steve shook his head and grabbed the house phone before it could ring again. He exited the room as he dialed Bucky’s number. He needed to speak to his husband. He’d let his head get too fuzzy, he needed to ground himself.

“Hey.”  
 “Hi.”

“How is everything? I miss you.”

 “Fine. I miss you too.”

Steve closed his eyes. He hated when Bucky gave him short answers, “Are you safe?”

“Yes, Steve.” Bucky sighed, “We’re almost done.”

“Are you-”

“I’m fine, Steve. I’m fine. I’m doing good. It’s good to be away.”

There was a pause where neither of them said anything.  
“Shit, I didn’t mean it like that. I just..”

“I get it.” Steve nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets as he cradled the phone with his shoulder.

 “No you don’t.” Bucky’s voice got hard again, “You always-”

“I’m not trying to do anything-”

 “You’re always trying to get inside my brain. Like everyone else.”

“I just want to know you’re okay.” Steve raked a hand over his face.

 “You want to check in like you’re my fucking handler! I don’t need that.”

“Well sometimes you do.” Steve snapped. He realized he’d balled his hand into a fist, “I’m sorry I-”

“I’ll talk to you when I get back.” Bucky answered, the click of his phone acting like punctuation to his sentence.

 Steve inhaled and closed his eyes. He could still hear Tony in the kitchen tinkering away.

He stood and returned the phone to it’s home, “I’ll be outside.”

Tony looked up and watched Steve exit through the sliding glass door and, to his surprise,  strip down, dropping his clothes as he walked to the pool side. Once he was in nothing but his boxers her stepped in, disappearing under the water. Tony stood, unsure what he was watching.

  Steve’s head emerged and he started swimming forward, arms creating powerful waves. Tony inhaled, his dick painfully hard as he watched the adonis of a man move. He lapped the pool over and over, moving without any breaks, picking up speed with each lap. Tony pushed open the glass door and stepped outside.

“Everything okay?”

Steve came to an abrupt halt, “What?”

 “You alright?” Tony asked, arms crossed over his chest as he walked over to the pool.

“Yeah.” Steve sighed with a nod, “Just working out.”

 “Mhm,” Tony sat down, rolling up his pant legs and dipping his foot into the water, immediately retracting from the cold. Steve laughed at the sound Tony made, “Yeah, laugh it up. You see, I’ve noticed that you work out excessively when you’re pissed off. Kind of hard not to notice, my brain works like that and you do it all the time so...hard not to notice.”

 Steve pursed his lips and continued swimming. Tony shrugged and dug a joint and lighter from his pocket, “I mean I’m all for expressive outlets, but if you need to talk about it-”

 His phone started ringing in his pocket and he let out a loud obnoxious sigh, yanking out the phone and tossing it into a bush. Slipping both feet into the water as he sparked the flame on his lighter.

“Why does he keep calling?” Steve asked, rubbing the water droplets from his face, “Are you supposed to be somewhere?”

Tony shrugged again, lifting the lighter up to his lips, “I turned eighteen today.”

Steve turned in the water to look at the teenager, “What? Really? God, Tony I’m sorry. I didn’t..I’m sorry I didn’t know.”

 Tony gave that shoulder shrug again like it was a real response, “Don’t worry about it.”

“No,” Steve shook his head, rubbing the water from his face again, wading over, “No, Tony I’m sorry. I should know that sort of thing.”

 Tony looked up at him, “I liked that you didn’t know. You didn’t get a chance to make a big deal. Obe wants to put on some thing, wants me to talk to reporters and...stuff.”

 Steve was frowning in sympathy and it made Tony sneer, “Don’t look at me like that. It’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, not a big deal.” Steve grumbled, shaking his head, “The man treats you like a piece of meat.”

“Got that right.” Tony nodded, lifting his joint to blow smoke, “Stark product, but everyone does..so..”  

“That’s not okay, Tony.” Steve frowned, moving closer to Tony’s legs, “You’re a person, not a product.” Tony smirked at him like Steve had said something funny and that pissed Steve off all the more, “I’m serious. The way they treat you..it’s not acceptable.”

 Tony’s features went hard, “You know what’s good for me, huh?”

Steve chuckled to himself, licked his lower lip and moved forward, grabbing Tony’s thigh and yanking him closer to the edge, “Yeah, actually I think I do. I’ve listen to you whine and bitch enough to know you need someone to tell you what to do.”

 The mixture of shock and irritation on Tony’s face made Steve reach up and pull Tony forward, pressing their lips together. Tony made a noise of surprise that made Steve’s cock hard. When Steve pulled away he saw a look of fear cross Tony’s face until he realized Steve was just moving so he could get Tony closer. Tony wrapped a leg around Steve’s waist, yanking Steve forward and whining into his mouth. Steve’s wet hair dripped water across Tony’s face and when Steve started kissing down Tony’s neck the water dripped down Tony’s shirt.

  “We shouldn’t do this.” Steve whispered into Tony’s shoulder.  
“Okay.” Tony answered, closing his eyes and arching against the older man. Steve made a noise and Tony was willing to get naked to hear that noise again.

 Steve’s hands had slid down to the small of his back and was practically pulling him into the water. Tony breathed against Steve’s skin as he claimed his lips, his nose ring batting against Steve’s cheek. Steve sighed contently as Tony’s fingers grazed over the skin of the back of his neck, making him shiver slightly.

 “Okay, okay.” Steve said, easing away with his hands on Tony’s shoulders as Tony’s lips continued to search for him. He almost laughed at the sad look on Tony’s face, “I’m getting you all wet.” Steve explained, backing away, Tony taking his hand.

 “I don’t care.”

“I know you don’t.” Steve smirked, suddenly very aware that he was practically naked. He pushed himself from the pool and collected his clothes that he had dropped earlier. He offered a hand to Tony to help him up. And when Tony stood he leaned down and placed a kiss on Tony’s head as if to let him know everything was alright between them.

 They both headed off in their separate directions to change into dry clothes. Steve scoffed at the giant sweater Tony was wearing that was so obviously stolen from someone else when he found him back at the counter, continuing his destruction of the microwave.

 “You hungry?”

“Of course not.” Tony smiled.

In a surprisingly fluid motion, Steve brushed his fingers through Tony’s hair as he walked past. He missed the look on Tony’s face as he walked over to the coffeemaker and poured a cup. He passed it over to Tony across the counter.

 “I’ll make an omelet. You like spinach?”

“No one’s forcing you.” Tony smiled, lifting the mug to his lips.

“Well, I should give you _something_ for your birthday.” Steve answered over his shoulder as he dug out the ingredients.

Tony smirked to himself, “You already did.”

For a moment, right as he was pulling out a pan, Steve let himself think about what he was doing. What he’d already done. He turned, snapped back to the present, when he heard Tony swear.

 “I’m fine. Just shocked myself.” He answered before Steve could ask. Steve wanted to check, but he left Tony alone. Tony was confusing. There were times he made Steve feel like an idiot, he had such an intense vocabulary and could do amazing things. But there were other times Steve felt like he needed to protect Tony, even from himself.

 “So, spinach?”  
“Always with the nutritious aspect of things..” Tony grumbled.

 “Someone needs to keep you healthy.”

Tony laughed, “Right. You gonna feed it to me too?”

“If you want.” Steve said with a smirk that made Tony raise his eyebrows, “So, spinach?”

“Only if you add bacon.”  
  


 

   Steve pulled Bucky into a hug, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He answered, wrapping his own arms around his husband.

 “It went well.” Natasha chimed in, walking past them into the house.

“I missed you,” Steve squeezed tighter, smelling Bucky’s hair.

 “I missed you too.” Bucky nodded, he watched as Tony passed through without a word, “How was everything here.”

“Fine.” Steve answered too quickly.

“Hello, Anthony.” Natasha called down the hall.

  “Hello, _Natalia_.”

“It uh, was his birthday yesterday.” Steve said softly.

Bucky’s eyes widened, “Really? Shit. What’d you do?”

 Steve shrugged, “He didn’t tell me until it was too late.”

“Hm. You’d think he’d want the attention.”

  “He actually..” Steve began but shook his head, “I’m glad you’re home.”

 Nat narrowed her eyes at Steve for a moment but it went unnoticed. They all sat and Steve made coffee and Natasha did most of the talking. The smell of coffee must have made it’s way to wherever Tony had gone off to hide, because he came in and poured himself a cup.

 “Nice of you to join us.”

Tony tipped his mug up to his lips, leaning against the counter, “Was I supposed to give you a hug too?” He turned and grabbed bread and put it in the toaster.

 Bucky sighed and redirected his attention back to Steve. Steve realized he was holding his breath so he exhaled, maybe a little too loud. Natasha turned her head and watched Steve. She focused in on the way he kept looking around and shifting.

  Tony was cutting up an avocado, a move that had Bucky frowning in confusion, when Steve started asking the same questions.

“So how was it?”

 “Everything was fine.” Natasha offered while Bucky watched Tony spread jam on the toast.

“Since when did this happen?” Bucky motioned with his hand.

 “Hm?”

 “Since when does Tony cook for himself? Or eat real people food?”

 Tony glanced over his shoulder as he scooped the avocado slices onto the toast, “Don’t be hateful, Bucks.”

Tony raised the bread to his lips and took a very deliberate bite. Steve was frowning too when the front door started making noise.

 “Tony Stark!”

They all looked up, “Sounds like that’s for you.”

Tony shrugged and disappeared, leaving his decorative toast behind.

“You don’t just get to ignore us on your birthday!” Wanda exclaimed, slapping Tony’s shoulder before she pulled him into a hug. Next he was engulfed in a hug from Thor which made him squeak.    

  “We’re suppose to celebrate with you!”

“I didn’t want to.” Tony tried to shrug out of Thor’s arms, ignoring the way Johnny was ignoring him, “Still don’t-”

 “Oh no,” Thor exclaimed, practically carrying Tony, “we’re going out whether you like it or not. And you will because you will like it.”

 Tony glanced back as he was dragged out of the house by his friends.

 

 

 “What’s wrong, you’re not feeling yourself tonight?” Johnny asked, motioning to Tony’s drink, “We’re here celebrating.”

 “ **Thor’s** celebrating.” Tony smirked, looking out at the big man dancing on the dance floor.

“So why aren’t you?”

 Tony shrugged, “I didn’t want to go out tonight.”

 He was still angry. Angry that Tony could just come home and ruin everything. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t deserve the right to sleep next to Steve.

“Words never uttered by Tony Stark.” Johnny raised his eyebrows as he downed his own drink.

 “Yeah you know everything, don’t you.” Tony muttered.

“Why are you giving me attitude?”

 “Right, **you’re** the one who’s mad at me,” Tony grumbled, tipping his glass to his lips as the bartender smiled at him, “It’s hard to keep track sometimes. Can I get another, Sweetheart?”

 Johnny rolled his eyes, “You know, you sound like your father when you talk like that.”

“ _You_ ,” Tony pointed with his new drink, “Can suck my dick.”

“Present it.” Johnny shot back.

Tony was about to retort when Thor threw an arm around him, “Come on, stop monopolizing the brand new adult! Some of us want time with him too.”

  “You can have him.” Johnny answered as Wanda appeared and hugged Tony from the other side.

“Why are the monkey boys so mopey, come dance.” She yanked Tony’s arm so he tipped back his drink and finished it, making Thor whoop.

 “What is wrong, my Darling?” Wanda asked, still holding Tony’s hand as she swayed.

Tony shrugged, “I don’t feel like celebrating.”

She frowned sympathetically, wrapping her arms around him again, “You’re still hurting, I know that.”

He sighed, looking away, smiling slightly when he saw a familiar face. The deaf waiter with such nice hands was speaking excited sign language to someone else. Tony slipped away, pulling away from Wanda to head towards Clint. When Clint finally saw Tony and made eye contact, he smiled. Tony brushed by him, a smirk on his own face as his shoulder pressed against Clint’s chest. Clint followed in Tony’s direction.

  In the bathroom, Tony turned and leaned against the wall. He smiled and lifted his hands.

“We keep meeting like this.”

Clint smiled in return, “Yes we do. And you always look like someone hurt your feelings when I see you.”

 Tony bowed his head as he walked over to the sink and hopped up onto the counter, “Nothing to do with you. I promise.”

 Clint walked forward, “I hope not.”

He held out his hand, revealing a small pill which he offered to Tony. There was a part of Tony’s brain, a part that he managed to keep muffled for the most part, that told him he should at least ask what things were before he took them. He leaned forward and took Clint’s finger into his mouth, sucking around his skin and pulling the pill with his tongue. He saw Clint’s eyes widen slightly and a new smile appear on his face.

 “I’d really like to call you, actually meet up on purpose.” Clint said, fingers moving fluidly.

Tony smirked, “You’d need my phone number for that.”

 

 

 

  Bucky ran his good hand through his damp hair, pushing the water from his face. The steam of the shower felt good in his lungs. He knew he should go out and talk to Steve, he hadn’t seen him in two days and Steve wanted communication. Steve always wanted to talk, to ask questions. But he desperately wanted silence. He wanted seclusion. God, he had to stop thinking like that.

 He sighed and stepped from the shower, wrapping himself with a towel. He dried himself off, toweling his hair after he pulled on a pair of sweatpants. He didn’t find Steve downstairs, even though he actively sought him out. He wasn’t in the kitchen, he wasn’t in the living room, he wasn’t even in the art room Steve had created for himself. Finally, Bucky went down to the basement and found his husband attacking the punching bag hanging from the ceiling.

 Bucky crossed his arms and watched Steve’s movements. His powerful body tensing with each strike. He was upset. It was always obvious when Steve was upset. He pulled everything in. Tightened up all the screws with better precision in his punches. He worked hard to control his actions when he was angry, Bucky always appreciated how he could do that.

  Steve let out a noise of frustration and yanked off his t-shirt and tossed it. He started kicking the sandbag, legs flying high, making contact with his thighs or foot. Steve missed having someone to spar with. When they were overseas there was always someone asking him to fight, both friendly and unfriendly.

 Bucky cleared his throat and Steve came to an abrupt stop. He turned and rubbed the sweat from his face, “Hey.”

 “Hey.” Bucky answered, “This what you’ve been doing the past two days?”

Steve shifted his shoulders, fingers playing with the tape on his hands, “Pretty much. This and laundry.”

 Bucky let out a laugh, “Yeah, right. I see both of you got plenty of laundry done. What’d he do to the microwave? Something's different.”

Steve shrugged, turning back to the punching back and striking, “Said he fixed it.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Wasn’t broken.”

 Steve didn’t answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a really good interview today so it made me feel generous, sometimes I just forget to upload...
> 
> Thank you to those of you who comment and added me on Tumblr! It's great to hear from you kittens!
> 
> If you get sick of waiting for me to update I'd suggest going to check out my other stories, all just as awful and angsty as this one and you won't have to wait for the updates (haha sorry you poor bastards who did) OR if you get really bored check out my tumblr or wordpress blog for explanations as to WHY it takes me so long to update.
> 
> Tumblr: http://undertheblu.tumblr.com
> 
> Wordpress: https://wordpress.com/stats/insights/3rinsimone.wordpress.com


	17. Lifted

Tony tossed his phone across the room, as it was making noise he didn’t want, and dumped himself onto his bed. The phone must have fallen at an angle because it stopped ringing and started playing a song. He didn’t notice it at first but when the lyrics started, he recognized the korean pop song.

 He let out an ugly noise, “Fuck off, CL.” 

He lifted his head, whoops too fast. He tried again and looked around for where his phone had landed. He whined when he didn’t see it and the noise continued.

 “Gettin’ lifted, never come down.” 

“Ugh.” Tony whined, falling back down, the room tilting as he went. 

“Sippin' on coke and rum, gettin' so drunk” 

 “Shut up.” He pleaded, rolling himself over and burying his face in the bed. He wanted to go to sleep so bad. He knew he could if the music would just stop. He slept better in the day, in the light. And it was light out, it had to be six or seven in the morning.   

  “Poetry in motion, coast to coast.” 

Tony pulled a pillow over his head and whined, pulling the cloth tight over his face.

“I promise I’ll buy your goddamn cd if you just stop!” 

 Tony had left the door open in his attempt to get to the bed so when Steve heard the noise he poked his head in, “Are you just getting in now?” 

 Tony made a noise from under the pillow and Steve made an unimpressed sound of his own, “Party too hard?”

 “You party too hard.” Was Tony’s muffled reply that Steve could barely make out, “Ugh, moron. Actual moron.”

 Steve looked around the room for the source of the sound, “Is this music a conscious choice?”

“Do I  _ look  _ conscious, Stephanie?” 

 Steve rolled his eyes, “Pleasant, aren’t you?” 

Tony peered out from under the pillow to sneer at the other. He sat up, making an ugly face and slid from the bed to the floor. Steve let out a laugh when he saw Tony. 

 “Don’t laugh at me.” Tony snapped, sporting an unconscious pout. He frowned, looking like he was going to cry, “I always act dumb around you and I just want to sleep, I never get to sleep and cocaine only does so much after a while, sometimes my body just doesn’t work and-”

  “Hey, hey calm down,” Steve frowned, walking over and scooping Tony off the floor, “You’re just tired and what can only be still a little drunk or turning into a hangover, get back into the bed.” 

 He shoved Tony under the covers and tucked him in, smirking at the petulant look on Tony’s face, “Yup, I know.” 

  Tony frowned up at him, “I’m not a child.”

“Of course not.” Steve nodded, bending down to pick up the phone he saw on the floor. He pressed a button to silence the song, “Kpop, huh?” 

“Don’t question me.” Tony mumbled, nuzzling his face into the pillow, “No respect..”   
“It’s hard to respect you while you’re slurring, Sweetheart.” Steve said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Tony smirked, “See, using derogatory slang and everything.”

“That was derogatory?” 

  “Demeaning, derogatory,  _ whatever _ .” Tony shrugged, turning in the sheets to hug his pillow. 

Steve rolled his eyes another time, “Some days it’s hard to believe you’re as smart as you actually are.” 

 “That’s mean.” Tony laughed, “Why are you being mean to me? I’m dying over here and you’re..ugh do see any acetaminophen over there?”

 “Just try to sleep, you’ve probably had enough chemicals.”

Tony glared up at him from behind the blanket that covered his nose, “We were celebrating.”

 Steve nodded, “I didn’t say I was judging you.” 

Tony wiggled down, his leg touching Steve through the covers, “Everyone judges me, Stephanie.” 

 “Just go to sleep.” Steve said, shaking his head, reaching over to push Tony’s hair from his face. He let his finger drag across the skin of Tony’s cheek, his own face growing hot, “Get some rest.” He said softly, watching Tony’s lips part as he started to drift off. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey,” Steve lifted his head when Tony came down the stairs, rubbing his eyes, “You get some sleep?” 

 Tony nodded with a small smile, “Alcohol is a great sleep aid.” 

Steve made a face but in truth very little of what Tony said ever shocked him. He sounded too similar to his father that Steve had become accustom to so long ago.

 “So you celebrated last night, huh?” 

Tony nodded again, walking over and pouring himself some coffee and frowning when he realized it was old and no longer hot, “Kind of got forced into it.”

 Steve smirked, “I thought no one told you what to do?”

Tony’s own lips turned up, “Yeah well, when there’s some E involved..you can basically do what you want with me.” 

 Steve’s head shot up, “What?” Tony shrugged but Steve pushed, “No, please explain those words for me.” 

“Why isn’t there hot coffee? No one in this house sleeps, so why isn’t there more coffee maintenance happening?” Tony asked, blowing past Steve’s question as he dumped out the old coffee. 

 Steve was about to force the conversation to continue when Bucky came into the kitchen. Bucky glanced between them, handing a stack of papers to Steve at the table. There was an uncomfortable silence where no one spoke. Tony made coffee, Steve read the papers and Bucky watched them. 

  “What’s with you two?” 

They both looked up, “Hm?”

“Why are you so quiet? Even the mouth over there.” 

 “You want attitude?” Tony asked, turning and leaning against the counter, “We can-”

“Stop.” Steve said before he could get further, sending an unimpressed look at his husband, “Why? Why start something?” 

 “I didn’t.” 

Steve pursed his lips and shook his head, “You complain about him but then you purposely look to pick a fight.” 

 Bucky frowned, “Are you being serious right now?” 

Tony turned himself and exited even though his coffee wasn’t ready, it was still too early in his mind to listen to them. He ran a hand through his hair as a smile crept onto his face at the sound of their argument.  

“You’re always protecting him even when-”

“And you’re always  _ attacking  _ him!” 

 “Steve!” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“I need you to sign this.” Obadiah said, pushing over a paper.    
“And I need you to wait while I read it.” Tony answered. 

Obadiah frowned and stood to pour another glass of scotch and sit it in front of Tony, “Are you going to behave for this interview?”

 “That all depends on the questions asked.” Tony replied as his eyes scanned the document. Pepper knocked before she entered the room, setting down a folder on Obaidah’s desk. 

“I- honestly, you’re letting him drink before an interview?” 

“It relaxes him.” 

 “Exactly the problem.” Pepper sighed, taking the glass from Tony’s hand. Tony frowned at the action but kept reading.

“Ms. Brant will be ready in fifteen minutes,” Pepper said, pushing Tony’s hair back and frowning at his nose piercing, “Ugh, that thing..”

 “Stop judging my face.” Tony smiled up at her, tossing the paper back at Obadiah, “I don’t think so.” 

“Tony-”

“Give me a valid argument why.” Tony said, leaning forward and looking the man right in the eye, “A valid argument that does not involve  _ money _ .” 

Obadiah made a face and glanced over as Pepper exited the room to find the reporter, “Listen, we both know you don’t like the business end of things. So just sign and I’ll keep sending your allowance.” 

“Not much of an argument, Obe.” Tony sniffed, leaning back in his chair.

 “I don’t need to argue. We both know you don’t want to run a company, you don’t even want to do this interview, do you have any idea how much goes into running a business? Don’t you remember how miserable your father was?” 

 Tony pursed his lips, “That was his personality.”  

“That was his life. The life you don’t want.”

 Tony crossed his arms defensively, “You don’t know what I want.”

Obadiah laughed, crossing the room to peer out the door, “Kid, you’re smart but you’re not special. The best thing you can do is ride your father’s name as long as you can. The adult world is not going to accept your disregard for rules, you’re going to get shoved into a box you don’t want to be in.” 

 Tony had stood and gotten himself another scotch, raising an eyebrow as the older man spoke, “And what should I do instead?”

 “Kid, let me take over the work for you at the very least until you want to put yourself in an office, and I’ll keep sending those checks that keep your refills coming.” 

  “Hmm,” Tony lifted the new glass to his lips, dragging his tongue along the edge in a very deliberate motion, “I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

 Obadiah’s eyes widened and his lips curled into a smile, his gaze scanning over Tony, “I bet you’re giving those two a run for their money, aren’t you?”

Tony shrugged, “I’m having my fun.” 

“Yeah...I bet.” 

Pepper poked her head back in, “Alright, let’s do this!”

  
  
  
  
  
  


    Steve looked up from his laptop when Tony sat himself down on the couch next to him. Tony didn’t tuck his legs under him like he normally would, just crossed his arms and leaned back, pretending he was watching the documentary on the screen. Steve turned his eyes back to the report he was writing while Bucky spoke on the phone in the next room. Tony’s thigh and shoulder was pressed against Steve’s and he had to keep from smiling at the blatant contact. 

  “What are we watching?”

“It’s about genetically modified food, I think.” Steve answered.

“Riveting.” Tony rolled his eyes. Bucky walked through the room as he spoke into the phone, both on the couch looking up as he passed by. Steve missed Tony’s eyes narrow but he saw the smirk that slid into place on his face. He turned back to face the television, one of his hands sliding onto Steve’s leg, making Steve inhale.

 Steve gave him a pointed look, begging him to behave. Tony returned his look with a coy smirk of his own, “What?”

“Be good.” Steve hissed through his teeth.

 “I’m  _ very _ good,” Tony answered in a hushed tone, leaning forward as his fingers dragged up Steve’s leg. Steve inhaled sharply as Tony’s hand squeezed his thigh, both retracting as Bucky passed back through. Tony’s eyes followed the older man out the room then turned back to Steve who’s face had turned red.

 Tony leaned forward so his face was close to Steve’s, he could have kissed his cheek if he’d wanted, and he did want to, “I think you liked that..didn't you?"

  
  
  
  


 

  Tony leaned against the door frame, tilting his head as he watched Steve’s shoulders move while he worked. He was using charcoal, creating dark lines across the sheet of paper. He hadn’t seen Steve draw very much since they’d moved to the new house and he found himself oddly fascinated by it. Steve was so focused and his big hands worked with such a delicate touch. When he reached over to grab a new pencil, he caught sight of Tony and leaned back.

“Oh, I didn’t see you there.” 

 Tony walked forward to see the piece Steve was working on, halting when he saw Steve stiffen, “Are people not allowed in here while you’re working?”

 “Oh, no no, it’s fine.” Steve shook his head, grabbing a rag to wipe his hands on, “I’m just not..used to it I guess.” 

Tony tilted his head as he looked at the drawing, “Dad would get mad if anyone bothered him while he worked.” 

 Steve nodded, glancing over at Tony to see his reaction to the drawing, “I remember.” 

He felt like he should stand or something, sitting felt like a vulnerable move around Tony for some reason. 

 “You really must be some kind of masochist,” Tony mumbled, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned forward to squint at the drawing.

  “And why do you say that?” 

“You’ve got terrible taste in men.” Tony said with a hitch of his eyebrow. 

Steve rolled his eyes, “Tony-”

 “Really though,” Tony smirked, turning to face Steve, “does Bucky appreciate this? It seems like there’s a lot about you he ignores.” 

Steve sighed but didn’t argue as Tony leaned against his shoulder. The simple warmth made Tony smile as he turned back to the drawing. It was a dark impression of a woman’s throat and shoulders, muscles vivid under the skin. 

  “You undersell yourself, Steve.” Tony said simply, “That’s why you settle for unhappiness.”

_ He’s not wrong. _

Steve inhaled, squeezed his hand into a fist before he reached around and placed a hand on Tony’s hip, inching him slightly closer. Tony’s heart leapt in his chest, which made him feel dumb. He’d already kissed Steve, this tiny movement shouldn’t make his stomach jump.

 “I’m not always unhappy.” Steve said softly, his thumb rubbing circles against Tony’s side, “Not right now.” 

Tony turned to look at Steve and inhaled when he saw Steve looking back at him. He felt so defenseless when Steve looked at him with such longing in his eyes. His heart was pounding in his ears as Steve pulled Tony closer and leaned forward to kiss him. 

  
  
  
  


 

“What’s been going on with you, Tony?”

 “Don’t say my name like that.” Tony sighed, cradling the phone on his shoulder.

“I’m serious, you’re being weird.”

“Weirder than usual?” Tony mocked.

“ _ Yes _ , weirder than usual,” Rhodey huffed on the other end, “What’s going on with you?”

 “Nothing.” 

He could hear Rhodey make the noise he made when he didn’t believe Tony, “Fine. So, I’ve been looking at apartments, for school.” 

 “Yeah?” Tony poked his head in Steve’s dark art room, “Oh yeah, we go back soon don’t we?”

“Yes. Do you think you’re ready to-

“JESUS FUCKING CHRISTMAS!”

“Hang on,” Tony looked up and returned to the kitchen, “Are you okay?” 

Steve looked like he’d been slapped, “ **Why** is the coffee so hot?!”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Tony’s brows pinched as he strode forward, setting his phone down to take the mug from Steve, “I like to be burned by coffee, sorry.” 

Steve’s hand covered his mouth as he dug into the freezer for ice, “My own fault, I should have known it was dangerous.” He almost laughed at the pained look on Tony’s face, “I’m fine. Why so hot, though? Seriously.” 

 “Masochist?” Tony smirked with a shrug, “It uh, feels good on my hands. I make it too hot so I can hold it. Feels good on the joints.” 

Steve frowned, “Your joints hurt?” 

Tony shrugged again, frowning like he’d realized he’d given away a secret, “Uh, no just, sometimes. Just my hands. When I have to work hard with a car or something, yeah it’s nothing.” 

Steve took one of Tony’s hands in his and looked it over. He could tell the motion made Tony uncomfortable so he pulled his hand up and kissed his knuckles. He laughed at the way Tony’s eyes widened, “Maybe you should be more gentle with these hands.” 

Tony wanted to retort with something sarcastic, but he didn’t. He was finding it harder and harder to be mean to Steve for no reason. He could feel the stupid smile on his own face by the way Steve’s own crooked grin reflected back at him.    

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else obsessed with CL's new song? Yeah me neither.. *plays Lifted in the background*


	18. Glimpse of the past

 

Tony’s eyebrow twitched as Dr. Banner wrote something down. 

 “Was that something that happened more than once?” 

Tony shrugged, “Older men were more fun.” 

 “How?” 

“Use your imagination, Bruce.” Tony answered, tucking his legs under him. 

 “Humor me.” 

Tony rolled his eyes, “Anything to piss my father off. His golf buddies were easier than frat boys, especially the married ones.There’s something special about married men..they’re stupid crazy to have a secret.” 

“Have you been with many married men?” 

 Tony shrugged again, a motion Bruce had come to understand meant yes, “A couple.”

Dr. Banner’s eyes narrowed slightly, “Have you had any relationships with married men  _ since  _ your father’s passing?”

Tony shrugged again, “I haven’t really been catching names, let alone demographics.” 

Bruce sniffed and wrote something down, “Tell me about the relationships you’ve had since then.”

“I wouldn’t call them relationships.” Tony answered, standing and turning to face the window.

“Encounters then.” 

  Tony crossed his arms as he watched the wind blow the rain sideways, “I don’t remember.”

“If-”

  “I don’t remember. I just wake up in someone else’s bed and I connect the dots. That’s how my relationships work.”

“Is that a recent change or has it always been like that?” 

“Hard to keep track when you can’t recall. Listen, it’s not like this is something I dislike, I let it happen.” 

 “You think you have control over your sexual encounters when you’re intoxicated?”

“I think I have control over my feelings of the situation when I'm intoxicated.”

“Could you explain that for me?”

 “No.” Tony snapped, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Bruce leaned back in his seat, “Well what do you want to talk about? We’ve still got time.” 

“There are other things we could do,” Tony turned his head to smirk at Dr. Banner, “ _ You _ married Bruce?” 

  
  
  
  
  


“Stop it.” Steve smiled, pushing Tony in the opposite direction, “Don’t you have something else to do?” 

Tony pouted, and God Steve  _ couldn’t  _ resist that face, he yanked him back and met his lips when Tony tilted his head up for a kiss. Tony tasted like coffee and smoke and Steve had gotten too used to that taste, developed a craving for Tony’s tongue.

 “Seriously,” Steve laughed, pulling his face away, hands on either side of Tony as if to hold him back, “I need to work.”

 “Do you though?” Tony smiled up at him, “Can’t you just play with me instead?” 

They both turned at the sound of the door. Tony made an angry sound and leaned up to quickly kiss Steve’s lips before he retreated to the garage.

  Steve ran a hand through his hair, exhaling as he made his way to the front door. Natasha walked right past him when he opened the door, “I brought the papers you wanted.”

“Thank you.” He returned, following after her. 

“I found security footage I thought you’d be interested in too,” She said, handing him a flash drive, “It’s not all terrible. But it’s not pleasant.” 

 Steve made a face, “I almost feel like I shouldn’t-”

“Steve,” She sighed, “He’s a stranger living in your house, you should have been looking into his background the second he moved in.” 

He frowned slightly, “He’s not a stranger.”

She rolled her eyes at him, “You can be so naive..you smell like smoke.” She frowned and moved forward to sniff the air, “Did you-”

 Steve took a step backward, “Tony just smokes in the house sometimes.” 

She eyed him suspiciously, “Hm. Unhealthy habit.” 

Steve nodded, “Yeah well..”

  
  
  
*

“Touch me again and I-”

“You are in no position to be making threats, right now,  _ little boy _ .” Howard growled, grabbing Tony’s wrist. 

“Get off of me!” Tony yelled, twisting away. 

“Both of you, take it easy,” Obadiah sighed, getting in between them, pulling Tony behind him, “The ladies have brunch waiting.” 

 “You can go live on the street if  **that’s** the life you plan on living.” 

Tony barked out a laugh, “Sounds great! Do I  _ sound _ like I enjoy it here?!”

 “Then pack your goddamn bags, little boy.” Howard turned, voice coming back down to it’s controlled level. Tony sneered at the use of that phrase. 

Obadiah directed Tony to follow, “Food will calm everyone down. And then-”

“Pack a bag of Tony’s things, he’ll be leaving after we eat.” Howard said to Jarvis.  

“Howard-”

“Also call ahead and let Saint Andre’s Hospital know he’s coming.”

  Tony’s face fell, “What?”

Howard glanced back at him, “You don’t want to be here? I’ll find somewhere else for you to stay.” 

“Howard, be reasonable.” 

“Am I not?” Howard’s eyebrow cocked up, “Would it be better to throw him out?”

“I’m not going there.” Tony shook his head and backed away, stopped when Obadiah took his elbow.

“Maybe I am being unreasonable, I’ll give you a choice, Anthony. You can either go to the hospital and dry yourself out, or you can-” 

 “What is taking so long?” Maria asked, frowning at the obvious tension.

“We’ll be right there, Dear.” Obadiah smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder and pushing her gently out of the area, “Show me what the spread is for today.”

“I’m not going.” Tony said through clenched teeth, “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

Howard pointed a finger at him,  “You’re  **not** doing drugs while you’re here.”   
Tony closed his eyes, “I do coke  _ because _ I’m here. Can’t you understand that?” 

  “Well then this is the best option for you, isn’t it? You want me to come save you at every turn? You don’t get a say in how I do it.” 

Obadiah rounded the corner, Howard passing by because obviously he was done with his son for the moment. Obadiah strode forward and cupped Tony’s face, wiping the tears from his cheeks, “Don’t let him see that, Kiddo.” 

*

 

  Steve removed the headphones and rubbed a hand over his face. He let his head fall back and sighed. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the video until Tony’s voice had gotten so weak. His heart ached for so many reasons. It hurt to watch Howard, it hurt to see how harsh he had turned out. Of course Steve had heard Tony’s comments about his father, but watching for himself was something else entirely. Steve felt a terrible helplessness as he watched the videos, unable to do anything as he watched the events of the past unfold. He was surprised to see Obadiah be so gentle with Tony, being used to the tension he usually saw between them.

 He put his headphones back on and pressed the spacebar to continue the videos.

  
  


*

“Howard,” Maria hissed.

“What?”

“Why do  _ insist _ on being so harsh with him?”

“And why do you insist on coddling him?” Howard retorted, “His therapist thinks says he has borderline personality disorder.”

Maria rolled her eyes and sighed, “And the last one said he was-”

“Exactly, they never say he’s normal. He’s a psychotic little-”

“Howard! He is our son!” Maria shrieked, slapping the tabletop. 

“He’s  _ your _ son.” Howard replied with a snarl. They both stopped arguing for a moment when a tall blonde walked through the room carrying a tray. Howard watched the young man, “You hired new staff?” 

 Maria pursed her lips, “Yes. Funny what you do and don’t notice around the house.”

He had been following the young man with his eyes when he heard his wife’s jab. He rolled his eyes, “Maria-”  
 “I know **my** **son** and I came in and _ruined your life_ , Howard, but we _are_ your life now. We have been for years!” 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, “Stop it…. Always so goddamn emotional.”

 “YES, Howard! I show my emotions! And maybe our son wouldn’t be addicted to substances if you’d let him show his!”  

“Enough!” Howard snapped, eyes shooting up, “That kid made his own choices. I didn’t shove that stuff up his nose! I didn’t force him onto his knees while-”

“Howard!” 

“I said  _ enough _ !” Howard’s fist slamming down on the table, making his wife flinch.

*  
  
  


Steve found himself breathing very hard as he watched the videos. Conflicted by the different feelings he was experiencing. His heart ached with longing as he watched Howard on the screen, moving and talking, living. But he couldn’t stand the man he’d transformed into. He inhaled and ran a hand through his hair, shutting the laptop as he wondered if he should just stop watching altogether. He stood and stretched, realizing that it was late. He looked around the house for the other two but apparently it was later than he’d assumed. Bucky was reading in their bed, looking so warm in his hoodie. 

 “Hey, sorry, I didn’t know what time it was.” 

His husband looked up from his book, “It’s fine. You seemed busy.” He looked Steve over for a moment, “So, you coming to bed now?”

 Steve nodded, leaning against the doorframe, “I’ll be right there, i just want to go check on Tony.” 

 Bucky inhaled and rolled his eyes, opening his book again as Steve turned away. He didn’t know why he got angry every time Steve spent time with their charge. He couldn’t explain it to himself let alone voice it aloud to anyone else. He just knew his skin crawled any time his husband chose to go check on Tony.

 Steve knocked gently on the door, not wanting to wake Tony if he was actually sleeping. Tony was sitting up on his bed, bent over what looked like a watch, a cigarette tucked between his middle and index finger in it’s usual spot. His long legs were crossed and tucked under him, wearing shorts and no shirt like he was too hot. He looked up at the sound of Steve’s entrance. Steve frowned sympathetically at the tired look in Tony’s eyes.

 “Can’t sleep, huh?” 

Tony shrugged, “I’d say something witty but I’m too tired.” 

Steve let out a chuckle as he walked forward. He picked up a bottle of Restoril from Tony’s bed stand, “You’ve been taking these?”

 “I don’t know why, they don’t work.” 

“Jesus.” Steve frowned, sitting down on the edge of the bed, “Maybe we should take you to a clinic.” 

 Tony smiled, looking at Steve like he’d said something funny. He crushed the end of his cigarette and tossed the watch in the opposite direction, sliding down into the bed, “It’s probably my own fault. It’s hard to come down when you work so hard to stay up, know what I mean?” 

 Steve frowned, “I think I do. We’re gonna have to discuss that soon, you know.”

“Why?” Tony asked, wiggling down under the covers. 

Steve pursed his lips, “Because I care about you.” That made Tony’s eyes flicker up, “And I want you to be healthy. You’re only eighteen, you shouldn’t be having trouble sleeping like this.” 

 He saw something flash across Tony’s face before he looked away, “Will you stay?”

“Hm?” Steve had heard him perfectly clear.

“Please?” Tony looked up again, somehow he looked younger, “It’s easier to sleep when you’re here.” 

_ Shit _ . Steve knew he couldn’t say no to that. He just couldn't

He nodded, reaching forward and brushing a hand through Tony’s hair, “I know you’re just avoiding that conversation.”

 “Astute as always,” Tony yawned, nuzzling his face against his pillow. He frowned and looked up at Steve, “Lie down with me...Please?” 

Steve knew he shouldn’t. He knew deep in his heart that Tony was playing him. He knew he should go back to his husband. But Tony looked up at him like he  _ needed _ Steve in that moment, and Steve couldn’t resist that feeling. He let himself fall back on the bed, his head coming to rest on a pillow that smelled faintly of coconut and lime. And Tony did look more peaceful as he curled into Steve.    
 Steve could see where this was taking him. He could plainly see the road they were going down and he knew where it would lead him. But he didn’t stop it. He let Tony raise his lips up and kiss Steve’s own. He watched Tony smile in soft way Howard used to when he’d let go of all his pompous airs and just  _ be _ . Steve knew he was doomed. And Tony knew, as he’d always known, that he truly could have anything he set his mind to.

 

 

 

   Tony sat up, confused at how rested he felt. He stared at the end of his bed, wondering when Steve had left him in the night. He wanted a drink. He frowned at himself, knowing it was way too early in the morning for that to be his his first action. He rubbed a hand over his face as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He groaned, wondering why a good night’s sleep made him feel so hung over. 

  “Carbs.” He said aloud to himself with a nod. He shuffled over to his closet and grabbed the first thing he saw. He yanked the sweater over his head before he realized it was Johnny’s, were any of his clothes his own, and before he realized it was a  _ sweater _ . 

He trudged down the stairs into the kitchen, scowling at the sight of Bucky at the counter. Bucky scowled right back at him when he lifted his head to see the intrusion. 

 “When do you  go back to school?” Bucky asked as Tony went to pour himself a cup of coffee.

“Can’t wait to get rid of me, hm?”

 “Couldn’t be soon enough.” Bucky replied with a nod. Tony huffed but didn’t answer. He really didn’t feel ready to go back to school, he’d been so grateful that the awful turn of events had happened during a break in the school year. He also wasn’t ready to give Steve up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forget to post sometimes...sorry..  
> I got a new job and..I started writing a new story so I just kind of forgot about this one..I suck


	19. Mistakes

Steve had things to do, he had actual work with an actual due date but he just couldn’t pull his eyes away from the screen. It was too addicting to watch the security footage from the Stark home. It was too intoxicating to watch Howard’s ghost and piece together Tony’s life with him. So much of the footage was of father and son fighting with one another. Steve couldn’t help wondering where Maria was for all these fights, she was rarely in any of the footage. 

  He watched Tony work on a machine and was surprised to see how different his technique was with whatever he was building vs the ease he had while working on a car. He worked with twitchy hands, fingers tapping against his leg when he was frustrated with something. He got angry with the quality of the tool he was using and tossed it over his shoulder. He looked so much like his father but he had a nervous look that Howard never had. He looked like he was rushing and he was getting angry or worried.

   It pulled at Steve’s heart and he didn’t even know why.

_ Tony looked up at sound of footsteps. _

_  “Whoa, you look..like you’re going to be... _ **_pleasant_ ** _.” Johnny grinned, dodging when Tony threw a wire at him. _

_  “I told you I need to work on this.” _

_ “Why isn’t it done yet?” _

_ “Shut up!” Tony snapped, turning to search for something else to throw at him. He threw a pen and then a screwdriver, neither thrown with any real aim.  _

_  “You need to chill out.”  _

_ “I  _ **_can’t_ ** _.” _

_  Johnny’s hands were on Tony, rubbing his neck and then reaching up into his wild hair, “Stressing out makes your brain slower, you know that.” _

_ “I can’t just stop stressing,” Tony snapped, his body betraying him as he leaned into Johnny’s touch, “You don’t get what it’s like, he’s always watching, waiting for me to fuck up. I can’t give him a reason to be a douche.”  _

_  Johnny sighed, leaning his cheek against Tony’s head, “You shouldn’t let him have so much control over you-” _

_ “He doesn’t.” _

_ “-He’s going to be a dick to you no matter what, it’s a fact, so you shouldn’t kill yourself to please him.” Johnny kissed his cheek like he was trying to soften the words, “Seriously, this is suppose to be the thing you enjoy doing. Don’t let him take it away from you.”  _

_ “ _ **_You_ ** _ my new shrink?” Tony huffed, turning his head to meet Johnny’s lips.  _

_ “Yeah, I’ve got your oedipus complex right here, Baby.” Johnny grinned, turning Tony in his grasp so they were face to face, hips pressed against one another.  _

_ Tony barked a laugh, “Yeah  _ **_that’s_ ** _ hot..” _

_ “Shush,” Johnny kissed Tony, his hands grabbing Tony’s ass and pulling him even closer, “You obviously need a break.”  _

_  “Mhm,” Tony smiled against Johnny’s lips, “looks like you want me to work on something else.”  _

Steve’s ears burned as he inhaled. Heat rose in his stomach as he watched the screen, his eyes were watering because he hadn’t been blinking. 

_ “No, baby,” Johnny frowned, shaking his head as he pushed Tony against a table, “I know you’ve been working hard. I’m here to help you relax.” _

_  He dipped down to the floor, a grin spreading across Tony’s face as he braced himself against the table top. Johnny unzipped Tony’s jeans and wasted no time, taking him into his mouth without anymore jokes. Tony jumped slightly at the sudden motion and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back as the other sucked him off. _

__ Steve heard a voice in his head telling him to turn the video off.

_ “Fuck.” Tony hissed, fisting one of his hands in Johnny’s hair as Johnny’s head bobbed. He let out a whimper.  _

God that noise. Steve shifted on the couch, his loose sweatpants feeling tight around him. His mouth felt dry as he watched. He looked over his shoulder at the shut door and then returned his gaze to the screen. The faces Tony made were faces he’d been longing to see and he didn’t even know it. He looked so much like Howard. His hands were balled into fists.

_ They both looked up and froze at a sound, turning to each other and grinning when they realized they were safe. Johnny kissed Tony’s thigh, making him squirm, hands on either side of his hips. Tony smiled at him, closing his eyes again when Johnny returned to his task. Tony moaned, back arching.  _

Steve squirmed on the couch, running his tongue over his dry lips as one of his hands reached down and touched his hard cock. God it felt so hard, he grabbed through the fabric and squeezed, emitting a small groan. 

_  “Fuck.” Tony whined, his voice pitching up as his legs buckled like he’d lost the ability to stand, Johnny’s hand pushing him back against the table for stability.  _

 He looked so beautiful like that. So vulnerable in a way he hadn’t seen before. He pressed against his own hand, closing his eyes for a second. He didn’t hear the tap on the door, he didn’t hear Tony enter, so when Tony appeared at his shoulder he jumped. From the shit-eating grin on Tony’s face, it was obvious he had seen.

 Tony leaned forward over the couch and kissed Steve’s cheek, whispering, “Don’t be shy.” 

He came around the front of the sofa and grabbed the laptop, which Steve  tried to fight him for. He smirked at it, yanking the headphones out and placing it on the low coffee table for it to continue in front of them, he then leaned over and kissed Steve, “You were enjoying that, huh?”

 Steve’s face felt like it was burning, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He didn’t even have words to explain himself as the video played on. Tony dipped down between Steve’s legs as he moaned in the video.

“Tony-” 

“It’s okay.” Tony said, looking up at Steve with such authority in his eyes as his fingers reached across Steve’s thighs and hooked around the waistband, “Let me do this.” 

Steve realized he’d been holding his breath as Tony looked at him with such certainty, like he knew Steve wasn’t going to tell him no. He  **needed** to say no. He couldn’t let this happen. He could not let Tony take his pants off him, oh god he was already doing it. Tony smiled knowingly, yes of course fucking knowingly, of course Steve was going to let him suck his dick. It felt so hard and he wanted it so bad, he’d wanted it for so long and he missed Howard so much and Tony looked at him like he was going to fix all Steve’s problems for twenty minutes. 

 “It’s okay,” Tony repeated with a nod and for some reason Steve nodded back at him. Tony dipped his head down and for a second Steve marveled at how beautiful Tony’s neck was before he was moaning because Tony had taken the entire shaft of his penis into his mouth. And Tony was good at it, _ of course _ he was good at it. Tony knew how to make Steve moan with pleasure and then squirm with frustration. 

  The video played on behind Tony’s head, but it had changed to a new feed. Howard. Howard doing normal, everyday things, alive. God, he was going to come too fast. He looked down at his lap, Tony’s head bobbing, his lips wrapped around his cock. He was so beautiful. Steve looked up, seeing Howard on the screen and the dark hair attached to the head sucking him off was enough to send his imagination back to a place he hadn’t let himself revisit for years. 

   He covered his mouth, his head tipping back onto the couch. His teeth grazed over his knuckles as Tony’s tongue pulled up the length of his shaft. Except it wasn’t Tony anymore, it was Howard on his knees between Steve’s legs. He’d missed him so much and it’d been so long since his husband had wanted him. He reached out with his other hand and took a handful of Tony’s dark hair, unconsciously tugging his face closer. Steve heard Tony gag and of course that was what tipped him over the edge. 

      He forced himself not to shout as he came, Tony pulled himself from Steve’s cock, licking his pouty lips. The vulgar motion made Steve groan, which in turn made him close his eyes. The blood came flooding back to his head and he saw the situation like an out of body experience. Tony wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and pushed himself up to kiss Steve’s lips. And Steve let him, even kissed back like he was thirsty to be touched. Tony smiled at him, his blue eyes full of something Steve hadn’t seen on him before.

 “Tony…” 

  An ache started rising in his chest as he pulled up his pants. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears like a drum as he saw a look of fear flash across Tony’s face. Steve frowned and shook his head, reaching up with his hand to cup Tony’s cheek. He wanted those blue eyes to sing again. Steve swallowed and closed his eyes, pulling Tony forward and resting their foreheads together. 

   “I shouldn’t have let that happen.”

Tony pulled away, “Don’t do this again.” 

Steve sighed, “Tony-” 

 “You wanted this. You  _ want _ this.” Tony frowned and yanked away when Steve took his hand. 

“Tony-”

 “Don’t  **Tony** me!”

“Hey.” Steve grabbed Tony’s wrist and pulled him back and shoved him into a seated position, “calm down, I’m not angry with you.” 

 Tony’s eyes widened, “You better not be angry with me! You’ve been wanting that ever since you first saw me.”

Steve exhaled, “It was my fault. I..it was my fault, Tony. I shouldn’t have let it happen.” 

He saw the way Tony’s lips pursed, saw the anger plain across his face. He grabbed him when he tried to get up again, “Tony-”

 “ _ Don’t _ say my name like that.” Tony snapped, smacking Steve’s hand away, “You don’t get to climax and then tell me you didn’t want it.”

 “It was a mistake, Tony. I can’t..we can’t do that. I’m your guardian, you’re just a kid.”

Tony sneered, “Don’t call me that. You and I both know-”

  “I’m married! How many excuses do I need?” 

“You have yet to provide a good one.” Tony retorted. God he looked like Howard when he was angry, “ **You** were the one jerking off to a video of me-”

 “I wasn’t..”

“-while  **I** was getting head.  _ By the way _ , what the hell is that? Why are you watching security footage from the house?” 

 Steve inhaled, his ears burning. He didn’t know how to answer. He suddenly felt very small in front of the teenager, “I..”

Tony sniffed, trying not to look hurt, “Just full of great excuses today, huh?” He stood and strode across the room and exited, letting the door fly open after him. As he passed by the kitchen he got a glimpse of Bucky and it shot his anger up a level. He went up to his room and pulled on a hoodie, zipping it up to his chest as he turned around and went back down the stairs.

 Bucky looked up from his chopping when Tony entered, grabbing a plate from the cupboard and sat himself down at the table. Tony pulled a plastic bag from the pocket of his sweatshirt and poured a minimal amount of cocaine onto the plate. Bucky’s face hardened as he watched Tony deliberately line up in front of him.

 “Seriously?” Bucky set down the knife he’d been using as he watched Tony snort the line, his eyes widening as he exhaled in pleasure, “What’s your problem?”

“That I don’t have more,” Tony answered as he rubbed his nose.

 Bucky frowned, “Why are you so set on breaking our rules?”

“ _ Your _ rules,” Tony corrected with a shake of his head.

  “While you live here, you’re not doing that shit. If you want to kill yourself you don’t do it here, e _ specially _ not at my table.”

   “Oh, I’m sure you’ll off yourself long before I do.” The smirk on Tony’s face made Bucky glad he had a counter and a table between them. He tensed as he watched the familiar motion of a cigarette and lighter appeared in Tony’s hands. 

 “Light that and-”   
“What? What are you going to do, Becky?” Tony asked, lifting the cigarette to his lips as he looked over at the older man, “Because where I’m sitting, you do a lot of threatening, which by the way isn’t a sign of a healthy family, but not much else. You let Steve do all the heavy lifting-”

 “God, you’re just like him.” Bucky shook his head, a look of disgust plain on his face, “I hear you blaming and criticizing him but I’m sorry to tell you, kid, I knew your father and you’re  _ exactly _ the same person he was.”  He knew he’d struck a nerve by the way Tony’s face went ugly, “He was a cruel man that didn’t care about anyone else and you’re a carbon copy.”

  Tony’s lips had pursed like he’d actually been hurt by the statement but then his lip curled into that mixture of sneer and smirk that was distinctly his, “Well, I guess that’s why Steve spends so much time with me. He does have a thing for Starks.” 

 The pointed way Tony said it made Bucky frown, like he should be offended by the teenager’s words.


End file.
